TLDR: My gf of 4 months said she was going to ghost me out of nowhere. She since has made it clear that she deeply regrets what she said and we both want to continue the relationship. Even though I want to continue the relationship I feel betrayed and am not sure how to do so.
I (22 M) recently met a girl (19 F) about 6 months ago. We met by hanging out with a mutual friends and got along really well, and eventually we friended each other on discord to communicate. In January we started officially dating, and we hung out a few times getting food, talking, watching movies, etc.
A few weeks later we both went back to college, so we can no longer see each other but we agreed to stay in a long distance relationship. Since January, we have messaged each other almost daily. Saying good morning, asking how each others days went, and saying goodnight at a minimum. Many days we will call and talk for hours, usually around 4-5 hours 2-3 times during the week and even more time on the weekends, sometimes even sleeping with in call together. Everything has been going great. We have been growing much closer to each other and it seems like we have had no issues up until this point.
Saturday morning we were sleeping together in call and woke up together. She said she wanted to shower and get food, so we hung up and spent time doing everything we needed to do. a few hours later we started talking again. Her birthday is coming up pretty soon, and i asked her if she has any plans for her birthday. She said not much, and said she wanted to delete discord.
At first i didn’t think anything of it and thought she was joking, but when i realized she was being serious i asked why she wanted to do so. Her response was, “it takes up a lot of my time and things have been going really good for me. If i delete discord i think things might get even better”
I then asked what she meant by that, and she repeated herself. At this point I was kind of shook and confused, and I asked how she would talk to me and a few other people who only have her discord as a form of communication. She corrected me on one or two people that i named, saying she did have other means of contacting them, and proceeded to tell me that at least she is telling me and she may not even tell other people that i named.
We discussed a little more, and i asked her if she didn’t like me or if somethinng happened between us. She said no. I brought up that she is essentially ghosting me for no reason and she eventually said if things don’t get better she can redownload discord and talk to me again if i will let her. At this point i think she started realizing that if she followed through with this, that i would be heartbroken and not want to continue a relationship with her.
When she realized this she started borderline crying saying she has been so happy the last few months and she doesn’t know why she said that. She said she is sorry and begged me to forgive her. I told her i do and it’s not a huge deal. Even after that she was still very upset about it and continued crying while talking to me telling me how sorry she was.
After a little while she took a break to go out to eat with friends, and when she came back a few hours later she was much more calm and seemed almost normal. At that point i had been thinking about what she had said and felt very betrayed and sad. She noticed this and kept nagging me about what was wrong.
When i said I was sad about what she had said earlier she began crying again and said she feels so guilty and regrets saying everything. This went on for hours, and we fell asleep in call together again.
Since then I haven’t felt the same with our relationship, doubting everything she tells me and everything she has ever said. I still have feelings for her and want to continue the relationship. She seems to feel the same way, and I’m not sure what to do. To make matters worse, due to conflict with our work/school schedules we will likely not be able to see each other in person this summer or in the fall.
What should I do?
2 comments
Long distance relationships are really hard when you’re away at college. It’s stiffeling. College is supposed to be a time when you meet new people and make new friends. Is it possible that long-disyance isn’t working for her?
Damn what a rollercoaster of emotions. She went from everything good, to everything bad, to crying, to going out to eat and coming back calm, to nagging, to crying again.
Is this typical or out of character for her?
Edit: to answer your question, wait a couple days when things have cooled. Then consider how you feel about relationship and make decision. If gut still telling you something, listen to it.
Maybe just maybe she was having some kind of messed up, out of the ordinary kind of day. But also, when someone says something while mad or drunk, the idea didn’t come to them for first time imo. They’ve thought about it before