Our friends marriage just blew up as the result of an emotional affair and after talking about it ,my spouse and I realized we haven’t defined what would constitute one in our marriage.

Does anyone have a formal/mutual definition of what an EA is for your marriage you are willing to share? Or how would you define it if you don’t have a mutual agreement and would your spouse agree with your definition ?

8 comments

  1. An emotional affair is when you are having feelings for another person that you should only have for your spouse

  2. **An emotional affair is cheating.**

    Until the really break down the act of cheating, a lot of people just think that cheating is sex. When you push further, they will agree that kissing can be cheating too, and then when you point out what both of those acts really are you can get to the real meaning.

    Cheating is breaking the rules that have been agreed on.

    You can cheat at monopoly and keep your pants on the whole time.

    Your friend cheated on your other friend and everyone is using “emotional affair” to soften the reality of what the cheating person actually did. They cheated on their relationship.

    So how do you define this as right or wrong within the relationship?

    The easiest way is to use honesty as your measuring stick. Are you dishonest with your spouse about anything going on? Are you making lies of omission about anything? Are you giving time and energy to a third person that you know your spouse wouldn’t be happy with?

    Basically, if you have to lie about how you interact with someone else, that LIE is the cheat.

    (There is a difference between fucking someone else and saying you wish you were with someone else, but we aren’t talking about severity here, we are talking about how good and healthy relationships are built on trust, and how lies are anti-relationship.)

  3. Hidden friendship, do they say don’t worry about it, discourages you from questioning? Say just friends. You ask them to end it and they refuse, putting them above you. Disrespecting set boundaries for them. Are they talking fantasies or commenting to each other during troubled times in your relationship. Micro cheating is more common then one may think with social media. Literally every now married ex of my wife tried to get her to have an affair through Facebook many years after the fact. plus I’m a mailman that had countless ladies proposition me out on the route, married, engaged, and in relationship. They cared not I was married and some even said it was better that way. It’s all cheating when your SO preys on the gaps between perception and reality. Or any relationship or bond that begins or threatens their existing relationship.

  4. It usually comes down to a friendship that is being downplayed or hidden where there is a lot of confiding going on.

    One key element imho is that there is often an appearance that the relationship could get physical if either person applied themselves.

  7. Get a copy of this book, Not Just Friends, by Shirley Glass. Read it together, it explains how, lines can be innocently crossed, and affair started, and what boundaries are needed to protect your relationship.

    Good luck to you both.

  8. I think any time a spouse tries to hide something its just plain bad, the occasional surprise party or whatev notwithstanding. She has all the login information for everything I do. I think she’s given same to me but I’ve never really stopped to think about it.

    IMO ALL the cards have to face up on the table all the time. And it starts with me.

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