How did you truly stop caring about people’s opinion of you? Is it a choice or did you “fake it till you make it”?

36 comments

  1. both. fake it till you make it and then eventually i legitimately just stopped caring. especially as i got older.

  2. A choice. I just sort of had an epiphany after I hit a certain age that “I’m too old for this shit!” If you love me, great but if you don’t then just keep it moving. I am who I am, you can love me or hate me but in the end, what will be, will be.

  4. I think the answer varies from person to person, but for me personally once day I just… snapped. I figured out that there’s never going to be a way to make everyone happy. Someone is always going to think you’re too fat, you’re too skinny, your hair is so pretty long, or you should cut it. You’re too loud, you’re too quiet, you’re too abrasive, you need to stand up for yourself. It’s so fucking impossible. So I just decided “fuck it all.” If I can’t make everyone else happy I might as well make *myself* happy.

  5. I got older and ran out of fucks to give. You also realise that most people are thinking about themselves, not you. You’re a blip on their radar at most. It’ll happen to you too!

  6. To me it was a choice and a journey of self discovery. It took me getting to know myself very well (and still doing it) to say “i don’t care about what you said about me, because *I* know who *am i*, and therefore I *know* what you just said isn’t true about me”.
    Sometimes it still happens tho, and I get self conscious and worried, but I take it as an opportunity: “Is it true?” “Why do I care so much?” “Isn’t maybe that I should enforce my perception of myself in this point?”

  7. A choice that comes after you’ve gained a lot of self-confidence and self-esteem. At least that’s how it was for me. I like myself and am 100% comfortable with who I am so I truly don’t care what other people think. I’m married, have a lot of great friends, and get along with my bosses/coworkers so I’m not really concerned about how strangers view me and don’t really think much about how the people who know me view me because if our existing good relationships.

  8. Medication and getting older. I’ve got more important stuff to deal with then care if you think I’m pretty or not

  9. both? neither? I got in trouble with my sorority in college and earned myself a nasty reputation while living in the house. eventually I got tired of feeling bad or anxious about the looks, glances, comments under breath, etc. that happened while living there so I just sort of gave up caring what people thought of me since it was overwhelmingly negative at the time.

  10. There are perhaps 2 dozen people who know me well enough to have a valid opinion of me. I pay attention to them.

  11. It happened without me intentionally doing it. I think I just got mentally exhausted and my brain was like, “we’re just not gonna care anymore.”

  12. hm both but what really helped is me realizing that people aren’t thinking or judging me even half as much as I was thinking they did.

  13. I realized that I make myself happy and I have no need to rely on other people. Once I realized I don’t need to rely on anyone else, it was really easy to stop caring about what people thought of me.

  14. Behold, my field of fucks, and see that it is barren! That’s it, I just stopped giving a fuck. I’m not really sure of a how, other than who has that much energy? I have so many more things to worry about than whether or not some judgemental asshole at the grocery store is offended by my Halloween leggings in May.

    I will note that I do still care about the opinions of me from people who matter. My husband, daughters, nieces, cats.

  15. I’ve just never cared but age also helps. I’m 41 and have exactly zero fucks to give when it comes to what other people think of me. I’m too old and life is too short to care.

  16. I just don’t have the energy anymore. Got more important things to worry about.

  17. Start by considering the source of the opinion. Is the person someone you respect or care about? If not, then why does their opinion matter?

  18. I realized I’d live my entire life not getting what I wanted or needed in life and being pushed around. In my first semester of college I had a professor try to cheat me out of an A and a roommate who tried to get me kicked out of my dorm because I wouldn’t let her boyfriend (whom I didn’t know) sleep in our room at night. I was a Criminal Justice major and spent many hours having to study sexual assault cases… there was no way I was letting a random dude sleep five feet away from me while I was unconscious for 8 hours.

    I would spend hours crying out of fear for the upcoming meetings and confrontations but right beforehand I’d stand up, tell myself ‘you ARE doing this’ and push forward- not showing any emotion when the confrontation begin. I definitely got push back but ultimately I got to stay in my room while my roommate had to leave and my professor cut the bull crap and game me the A. Since then confronting people (only when necessary) and not backing down isn’t half as scary. Sometimes it doesn’t even bother me at all and I don’t think twice about how I’m perceived. I’m an attorney now and My job is literally to argue against opposing counsel. I can’t imagine still being afraid of what people would think, walking on eggshells, not being able to stand up for myself, all while do my job effectively. It was terrifying at the time, but after a while it gets faaaaar easier.

  19. Faked it till I made it mostly. While I was faking it, I came to terms with a lot of my problems. The important thing is to fake it to other and not to yourself

  20. Other people’s opinions of you do nothing for you. They don’t know you, they don’t pay your bills, they’re not in your shoes. Only you know yourself, so only your opinion matters. And if it’s always a negative one, you’ll never be happy. I just stopped caring what others think, and started caring about myself for myself only

  21. There’s a lot of people in this world who I don’t like or care to know and am totally ok being the person to other people. Compatibility matters and it goes both ways for all types of relationships.
    Not a choice or a fake it thing, it’s always just been part of my character to feel that way.

  22. I think it happened when I was younger. My dad was a verbally/emotionally abusive jerk and, as a weird defense, I used to abuse myself before he had a chance to lay into me. Somehow, it helped if I got to myself first. But I eventually realized that my opinion of myself was the only thing that mattered. Then I realized that if IDGAF about what my own parent thought of me, there was literally no reason to care about anyone else’s opinions either. After all, other people weren’t even paying my way through life. 🙄

  23. I cannot tell you why but somehow i just never cared my whole life, i couldn’t tell you why. It’s funny cause i don’t even like myself. 💀

  24. I enjoy babysitting a 4y old. When shes around i can totally blend out my overthinking in public.everything is suddenly about having a good time. Anyone recognize that difference?

  25. For me I feel like it’s happened gradually over the years. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to realize that it doesn’t matter what some random person thinks of my clothes, my hair, my size, etc., because that’s not going to change anything. I’ve learned that when people are mean, it says a lot more about their character than anything else.

  26. i got older and realized life is way too damn short trying to impress people who have a bad opinion about me. i know the type of person i am. i got older and became more centered and okay with myself to not let others opinions change how i feel.

    when i was younger i used to care way too much. like i would stay friends with people who clearly didn’t treat me well, or be nice to people who were rude to me. and i still felt like shit at the end of the day. i got to a point where I stopped putting myself second.

    i also went through some issues with family / them saying things about me and talking about me behind my back. it was family i didn’t go around to begin with, and it just kind of taught me that people will talk crap about you regardless. you could be the nicest person in the room and not have a bad bone in your body, and someone is gonna have an issue with you. one day i just snapped and basically told them all to f off.

    the only opinions i care about are those that i love, and those that love me back. everyone else can eat dirt.

  27. It took me a really long time to stop caring what people thought of me. I still do care though but not in such an extreme amount that i would feel stiffled in upsetting other people at the slightest hint of discomfort. I do enjoy hearing other people’s views on things and if it resonates with me than great , if not also oke , i respect people for having other opinions or views on things.

    I realized that when i started to stand up for myself more and voice my opinions that more often than not people reacted positively on it. Which helped me alot in regaining confidence that it was oke to not care so much what other people think of you. They respect you more , way more than i ever was respected when i still cared way too much and would do anything to not upset anyone.

  28. A combination of running out of fucks to give, and gaining enough confidence over the years to be secure in myself so I don’t worry about others opinions of me.

  29. I stopped caring about people’s opinions sometime in my mid-20s. I realized, “Do these people pay my bills? Why should I care what they think?”

  31. I was in my late 20s. I just started doing me and not worrying about anyone else.

  32. I’ve learned to make fun of myself 90% of the time and stand up for myself, without wavering, the other 10%. I love it when people insult me on the internet. I usually agree with them just to entertain myself.

    There are few people whose opinions really, really matter, and that’s the opinions of the people who affect your life day to day. For instance, I value what my SO thinks. What my family thinks. What my boss thinks (life tends to be easier and I get more opportunities because she finds me capable). What my closest circle of friends think (and I’m saying like…5 people).

    The rest of the time, y’all don’t matter to me. Learn to throw them off their game because they think they’re doing something to tear you down, but they don’t succeed if that’s a hill you haven’t even climbed, let alone will die on. Choose your hills carefully.

  34. I choose whose opinion matters. Even if they’re saying something good I decide how much weight it carries coming from that person.

  35. I still have days where I care, so part of it it’s the fake it routine, but honestly… I just do not care anymore. I’ve been what others wanted me to be and I’ve hated every single minute. I’m done. I did what others wanted and it almost killed me (I became suicidal at points). Now I’m doing what I want and being who I want to be and I’m actually starting to be truly happy. So screw what people think.

  36. I chose to fake it until I run out fucks to give about 5 years ago. Not completely out yet but getting there (ie I still kinda care what people think but much less than I used to) 😅

    It’s really helped my confidence and self-esteem

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