Hello everyone, I’ve been shy with social anxiety my entire life. I have always had a small group of friends throughout my life. One thing that bothers me and even worries me as I get older is that I never had a girlfriend or sex with a woman and I’m approaching 30. I’ve had a few opportunities, but I failed to capitalize on them due to shyness and lack of social skills. I’ve tried online dating without success. I’m starting to think to myself if it’s even possible for me to ever get girlfriend when I struggle with social anxiety in general. What do I need to do? Anybody with a similar experience? I am not sure I can completely change myself to a new person (personality wise) after living this way for so long.
8 comments
Practice, practice, practice. If you don’t already, highly recommend getting a job that forces you to socialize and regularly interact with people. I used to have terrible social anxiety and this helped me tremendously. Must force yourself to socialize to overcome it.
Tricky question, a shy man can’t *get* any girlfriend.
Few who do *have* a girlfriend were somehow trapped with the girl in a class or some kind of activity, and then mutual feelings arouse. So they did not have to initiate anything for real, just organically let the relationship form, if she is up to it.
Women also don’t like shy men because, to be honest shy men are scared, and women don’t want scared men. They want men capable of protecting them, and if he is scared even of women, they suppose he is scared of life itself (which may or not be true, but it is a good assumption).
If he is attractive enough, they can make an exception, just to make friends of Instagram jealous.
I would suggest seeking a dating coach and a matchmaker. Someone to work with you as an individual so that you can overcome your inhibitions.
If you don’t meet many women in your daily life, then try to change that. Plenty of places where you can meet women that aren’t clubs.
But if you just work and stay at home you are definitely going to stay alone.
Bluntly said, women may not even be aware you exist at this point.
And sure it may be scary to talk to a stranger, but instead of thinking what could go wrong… think about what if it would go right?
I am shy as well and I am so tired to be constantly lieing and pretending to be someone else. It’s that feeling that my personality is ugly because no one would be attracted to it, so I have to be someone else somehow.
To be honest I dont think that becoming brave would help much because I cant even get a like on tinder, when I swiped right every woman in my city using tinder premium
I feel like everyone uses social anxiety as an excuse and a crutch to justify their dating failures and avoid actually making an effort in the dating world.
Thing is everyone is shy and lacks social skills. It never goes away. We all have anxiety.
All you can do is throw yourself into uncomfortable situations and force yourself to TALK. It takes practice. Fake it till you make it. Women are human like you. They have anxiety too. Just TALK to people, anyone! don’t think, just DO.
Eventually youll get a rhythm and confidence to navigate the dating scene
I’m kind of like you in the way that I hate going out to bars and shit however I’m not super shy like you are but I do enjoy my time by myself.
I’d recommend starting some kind of activity that you’re genuinely interested in and that can help you also meet people organically (not only women). For example, I started playing ice hockey this year, and it’s been the best thing I’ve done in years for my social confience.
Even though when I’m at home, I’m mostly on my computer by myself, I realize that I can be social too, and that people do enjoy being around me so that gives me confidence with women as well.
You’re going to have to make some changes for sure but it’s totally doable, I can relate to a lot of the stuff that you’re speaking about. Mind you, I’m not swimming in a river of women but I’m having definitely meeting more now than I used to, and mostly, I’m genuinely happy with myself..onfidence. It’s not so much about getting in shape but about developing the mindset to workout even when you don’t feel like it (almost every day for me) but when you’re done with it you’re so proud of yourself and it definitely boosts your confidence/happinness.
You’re going to have to make some changes for sure but it’s totally doable, I can relate to a lot of the stuff that you’re speaking about. Mind you, I’m not swimming in a river of women but I’m having definitely meeting more now than I use to, and mostly, I’m genuinly happy with myself.
Hope that helps. You got this 100%!
Well maybe you shouldn’t jump immediately into dating, and start out with a casual friendship with a few girls! To get some numbers you could start by approaching girls. I know you have social anxiety but you don’t really need to say anything except 5 words: Can I Get Your Number. Boom! Then it’s a simple yes or no, and you can move onto the next unsuspecting victim! When you get their number you just have to talk, as friends! No pressure, no nothing! If it doesn’t work out then you don’t feel like she just ripped your heart out and spit on it! Good luck out there