Hello,
(M23) I work as a programmer and I have zero experience when it comes to dating.
I missed the dating phase that most people have during high school, because I was a total loser and no girl seemed interested in me. I never held hands, kissed or had sex with a girl (I’m attracted to girls).
Now I feel better about myself. I look way better and I’m more competent and independent, but I just don’t know how to date or show that I’m a potential romantic partner, not just a friend.
I’ve been on a few “dates” through the years but couldn’t really progress from there. I think I always give a friend vibe, not a romantic partner vibe and girls just lose interest gradually. In a way I want someone to teach me what to do, but I know that’s almost impossible.
I don’t know if I have some mental problems or something, but I am not able to express myself romantically (idk what word to use). I can only talk about work, school and general lifestyle stuff, I’m too scared to touch or kiss a girl, and when we are both alone (like when I take her home in my car) I’m starting to feel sick and have to concentrate entirely on driving to forget I’m alone with a girl and I need to make a move.
What should I do?
3 comments
The best way to overcome any fear is to go out and do it more. It sounds crazy, but right now your brain is stuck in a loop of ‘I’m scared of rejection and dating’ and the only solid way to combat that is to go out and do it more.
Also, you have a solid, good-paying job. That is going to set you apart from the competition almost immediately.
If meeting people IRL hasn’t worked, dating apps are a good segway into the dating world. The only advice I have for dating apps is to be intentional in what you want and cut through the BS that is bound to come your way!
You probably have undiagnosed autism. I have high functioning autism diagnosed at 17, I know loads of people on the autism spectrum mostly guys, I can always tell they’re on the spectrum before they tell me they are and I know loads of undiagnosed people who obviously are (there are numerous people I know who are diagnosed now, where I knew they were before they were diagnosed).
It sounds to me like you’re probably on the autism spectrum, in which case there’s nothing wrong with your brain it’s just different to the majority or the mainstream.
Read the book “Atomic Attraction” and then go from there.