TL;DR – I need to create distance from her, and I don’t know how much to say to her about it.
I told her way back in October that I had a crush on her. I said I was embarassed about it. I doubted she felt the same, so I said I’d rather have a friendhsip anyway. She didn’t admit any feelings, but said “that’s ok, don’t be embarassed.” And we changed subjects. So that’s clearly her polite way of giving me a “no thanks” answer.
I get mixed messages from her. There are some weeks when it seems like she’s always happy to see me, texts me jokes, and even (as I mentioned in a previous post) said she’d considered sleeping with me, and… I guess is still considering it. It makes my dumb heart flutter.
But I see her flirt with and talk about folks who she’s legitimately interested in, and I can clearly see it’s not how she treats me. She seems dismissive of me, and just altogether NOT INTERESTED in anything but a passing coworker-type friendship.
I, on the other hand, am hooked. It’s proven super hard to distance myself from her when we need to see each other at work. A week ago, she’d just gotten back from a trip and happily came out for a drink with me. On my birthday, she got me a gift and made me feel cared for. Months ago, she bought her and I concert tickets to a band we both like.
I need to put her behind me. I need to move her from romantic interest to just a coworker. I’ve considered talking to her – saying, look I am way too into you. I can’t hang out with you, I can’t get texts from you, I need you to treat me as just your coworker. Is that a fair thing to ask? I’m torn on how much/little to share with her about how her actions make me feel.
There are times I feel disrespected by her. She said, “Hey I want to go do X thing, you should go.” When I said I hated how early in the morning X thing was, she said “Then don’t come, I don’t care” and turned her attention to a different conversation.
It sucks. I feel rejected constantly. I want her to WANT my company, and she only SoMeTiMeS does. This isn’t sustainable. Is this a reasonable thing to bring up to her?
2 comments
>I need to put her behind me. I need to move her from romantic interest to just a coworker. I’ve considered talking to her – saying, look I am way too into you. I can’t hang out with you, I can’t get texts from you, I need you to treat me as just your coworker. Is that a fair thing to ask? I’m torn on how much/little to share with her about how her actions make me feel.
No. Thats not her job to make you feel different. Its your job to be mature enough to shift your mindset on the basis that you absolutely know she takes advantage of your attention, or dismisses you. You already know how she operates…so why is it on her to change, for you?
>There are times I feel disrespected by her. She said, “Hey I want to go do X thing, you should go.” When I said I hated how early in the morning X thing was, she said “Then don’t come, I don’t care” and turned her attention to a different conversation.
Ok…so shes not leading you on at all. Isnt this what you wanted?
>It sucks. I feel rejected constantly. I want her to WANT my company, and she only SoMeTiMeS does. This isn’t sustainable. Is this a reasonable thing to bring up to her?
You want her to want your company? What world do you live in dude? You cant MAKE anybody want anything. Thats not how life works.
So no, dont bring it up to her. Be an adult and figure out how to move forward on your own. You’re 33, not 23.
Don’t invite her out for drinks and don’t go to concerts with her. Limit the time you see her in person to the office and professional topics only. She’ll notice, and that’s when you tell her you need time and space to get over your feelings.