tldr, I want to be the one to say it first at my own pace, not sure if asking for that is being controlling.
I’ve (29/f) been dating my boyfriend (31m) for a few months and I can possibly see a future with him. I’m a bit guarded and slower to develop feelings than most people, which is something I work on in therapy, but I’ve always been like that. In my past relationships the other person has said “I love you” way before I wanted to which makes me feel pressured and ruins the magic of what should be a really special moment when we have to sit down and have the awkward “I care about you but we’re on different pages” talk.
My boyfriend is the opposite, he feels things hard and fast and wears his heart on his sleeve. I really like this guy and I can tell we’re both developing feelings but I’d really like to experience being the one to say “I love you” for once and not rush it.
Is it a good idea to explain that in advance and ask him to hold off on saying if we get to that point? I know communication is always the advice, but I don’t know if it’s fair to ask him not to express an emotion if he wants to and I don’t want to hurt him.
1 comment
I actually think that’s a really sweet ask. You can let him know that you tend to be slower to develop feelings and haven’t gotten to say “I love you” on your terms before, and that you’d love if he’d let you be the first one to say it. If he’s uncomfortable, he has a chance to tell you then.