Basically the title, tried to post before but they dont allow alts; I’m asking here as I don’t know how to approach my brother and tell him what happened or even if I should.
Four days ago I let my nephew and his gf (both 20) stay over to look after my dogs as i was visiting a buddy of mine. When I came back, I found my TV busted and they said that my doggo was really excited and knocked it down. Just to be 100% sure, I checked the camera in the living room and it was in fact his fault (he does get pretty hyper after certain snacks) but what I also saw was pretty shocking to say the least.
In my living room i keep my laundry in two baskets with one labelled dirty and the other clean. Not sure where his gf was but I saw my nephew rooting around the “dirty” basket, pick up my underwear, sit on the couch, and then proceed to you know what whilst smelling them. He also picked up one of my running shoes too and was smelling them as well. I think im just confused because as a family, we’ve all always been very close and but I dont even know how to remotely broach this subject.
I just dont know what else to say really, i’ve been racking my mind over it for the past day and I really dont know what to do. I love my brother and my nephew as if he were my own son, but i really think i need to talk about this because im a little spaced out by the whole thing. I dunno if anyone has been through anything or can offer me advice but i dont know how to address this genuinely.
6 comments
My god, maybe he was on drugs, hopefully he was absolutely blasted on drugs and did not know what he was doing!
I definitely would not tell your brother, that would be some pretty damaging info to learn about your son. I think I’d just never mention it ever and just create some distance for a while between you and your nephew, pray this is just a weird phase and never let him alone in your house ever again.
No clue, I think you’re going to have to give *us* the answer to this one.
The nephew is an adult now, so I wouldn’t approach your brother about it. I think the “right” way to deal with it would be:
Tell him you saw what he did on camera, and that while you’re not shaming him for having a kink, there is absolutely something wrong with crossing boundaries and using other people’s property for his sexual needs without consent. Tell him you’re not mentioning anything to his dad because he’s an adult who needs to deal with this himself (and you know how embarassing it would be), but he needs to apologize and learn from this.
I put “right” in quotes because on paper I think that’s the kindest thing to do that can potentially produce the best outcome. It teaches your nephew a lesson while still showing him you care about him and that he can trust you. But it’s not an easy thing to do and I don’t expect everybody is willing or able to deal with the discomfort required. And your individual circumstances may make it unfeasible for some reason I can’t predict while giving advice on the internet 😅
For some reason other comments are hidden so apologies if this has been said already.
2 thoughts come to my mind. Firstly, was he aware that there was a camera in the room? If the answer is yes, then this could be a deeper issue.
Secondly, I’m going to make an assumption that he is still discovering his sexuality. 20 is still pretty young. And honestly this sounds like something a person who is suppressing their urges would do. I’d be certain he already knows its inappropriate and weird. And he’s probably shameful about it. But at the time, it must’ve seemed like a safe opportunity to carry out these urges.
Honestly if I were you, I’d probably do nothing. But if you feel inclined, maybe just ask him to talk man-to-man sometime soon. Just mentioned that you have cameras in the house and you couldn’t help but notice he had some personal time in the living room. And while that’s a normal thing to do, it’s disrespectful to do it in someone else’s home, and especially disrespectful to involve someone else’s personal items. I wouldn’t ask for an apology or explanation. If he gives that, then fine but don’t pressure and ask “What the heck were you doing?!”.. I’m sure he would apologize as soon as he hears he was caught.
And for the record, I’m not necessarily saying he’s bi, gay, or has an incest kink. But I’d be curious to know your family/community’s stance on homosexuality. I’m wondering if he feels repressed sexually which lead to this lapse in judgement.
Honestly that’s so weird that I would question whether I would want to continue the relationship. The argument that a 20 year old is not responsible for being that weird is bullshit.
They way I see it is you are justified in handling this any way you want or cutting ties completely. If I particularly liked this person, I would give him one last way to salvage that would require him to come clean by texting him that you saw what he did on camera and go from there. I’m misanthropic, though.
I would absolutely bury that memory and never talk about it again. But maybe that’s my Irish heritage coming out..