In my class at university, I had two brief interactions/ calls on discord with a person regarding helping out with some school work, and who I had never really interacted much with before. First interaction went great, we talked about school stuff and other stuff in a “get to nkow each other” manner, and they seemed like a cool and friendly person, and in my socially immature and undeveloped mind, a potential friend. We also greeted each in person for the first time really, and we seemed to hit it off, in my mind at least.
We then had a second call/ interaction on discord, again about school work, but we again strayed away from school topics and onto other subjects in a “get to know each other” manner. It started off great again, then the conversation became a little stagnant, but we ended it soon thereafter. We even ended that 2nd interaction by both saying “good talk” and saying bye to each other and such. A while later after this 2nd interaction, this person removed me as friend both on discord, and snap. We also havent interacted, or havent shown interest in interacting in person in class.
In my mind, I dont understand this at all… I thought we both had fun, and that we had interesting conversations. I dont think I said anything wrong, and it just leaves me confused, and quite sad..
If I had to stretch to find a reason, I asked this person about their name and cultural/ ethnic background, as I could tell it was different from mine. But I only asked out of interest and curiosity, not in any “bad” way at all. I think I perhaps got very eager, and I in some weird way stated that I feel like I have an easy time making friends with people of different cultural/ ethnic baackground than mine, and perhaps this gave off a weird vibe? I was getting a little insecure, as I noticed the atmophere in the converstaion change, and unfortunately one thing i do in such situations is just keep on talking… But it wasnt like it dragged on forever, we ended the conversation soon after, and it seemed like things were OK when we said bye….
Im just kind of puzzled. How should I even process this? Should I reach out to this person, and just ask? Is there anything in particular I should do? Am I wasting energy thinking about this, and should I just move on?
Thanks
7 comments
It’s okay, for whatever reason they didn’t wanted to be friends with you, it happens, no big deal. I too can do that whenever I’m under huge stress. Just move on (:
Assuming it *is* because of the cultural questions, a lot of people with ethnic names have bad experiences with bullying. It could be that you accidentally reminded them of an unfortunate situation. If this were AITA, I’d say No Assholes Here.
I think all you can do is remember this for next time, and try to avoid the subject until they bring it up on their own. I have friends across numerous cultures, and eventually they will tell you once they trust you.
If you want to salvage it, I’d send them a heartfelt apology. “Hey (Name). I’m not sure what I did, but I wanted to say sorry for making you uncomfortable. I hope we can talk about it. If not, no worries. I understand. Either way, I wish you well!” After that, don’t message them again, even if they don’t respond. It’s their choice. At the very least, you can make your last interaction a kind one.
Also avoid saying “I’m sorry *if,”* there’s no “if,” you already know you hurt them somehow, you just don’t know the reason. Dropping the “if” from my apologies has made a huge difference in how people take them.
In my opinion, you’re wasting energy on this. That person could’ve removed you for any number of reasons. Sure, maybe they didn’t like you. Or maybe they’re just paring down their friends list for close friends and family. Who knows. You can’t control any of these things at all. Of course, these are just words. I overthink everything too. I also start wondering why people do what they do, and if I did anything to cause it. So know that you’re not alone in this.
I actually finally deleted my Facebook account. Not deactivated, but fully deleted. Maybe some people on there will wonder if I was mad at them – I’m not, at all, and the people on there that I was close to have other ways to contact me if they want. Others on there, I had no problems with them but we simply weren’t that close and hadn’t talked in forever – former coworkers, a few high school friends, etc.
It’s important to remember that social media is still brand new in the grand scheme of things. Not too long ago, when someone left your life that was likely the last you’d hear from them, unless you made arrangements to stay in contact. For most of human history, other people weren’t just a click away.
I know it sucks, but this person did you a favor. Would you rather they act like your friend and string you along?
I was strung along In college by a group of friends who didnt want me around and it sucked. I slowly realzied what was happening but thought i was making things up. I wish they had been forward about it earlier and i wouldve been mad but i had gotten ofer it and made more friends.
Its ok to be confused snd upset but dont give this person more energy that they dknt deserve. Use this time to find better friends who appreciate you.
My roommates sister just ‘disowned her’ because she’s with a guy who the sister used to be with for 3 months, years ago. And she was the one who dumped him.
That’s their fucking problem
Don’t take it personally. I would do projects with people and add them when we were grouped up. Then I would delete them when we were done. Study partners aren’t always your friends.
Yes it bit me because I found out last year from a girl that reached back out to me that I hurt her feelings when I did that because she asked the professor to put us together because she had a huge crush on me but never actually tried to make it kbown.
Think about it like this.
Would you want someone that equally wants to be friends with you as you do to them? Or would you rather be friends with someone who had little interest in you in the first place?
The former may provide rich conversations the latter would result in dry texting.