I really need to get something off my chest. It’s been a fucking tough year for me (24/F). and I’m struggling with some shit. Lost my dad and my brother within a year and it has completely shattered me. They meant the fucking world to me and it’s a fucking nightmare to cope with this overwhelming grief.
To make matters worse my so-called friends are making shit worse for me. My best friend since childhood and I had gotten into a silly fight before my Dad passed away and guess what? She didn’t even bother to contact me when he died or even after my brother died. I was always there for her cheering her up when she’d feel low, helping her pass exams and through all the messes with her boyfriends and what not. But when I needed her the most, she just fucked off. I’m soo shocked I don’t even have words.
Not just her my other close friends initially acted all supportive, saying they’d be there for me, they’d visit frequently and all that bullshit, but when it came down to actually being there,checking up on me, they were nowhere to be found.
I feel soo fucking lonely, like I’ve lost half of my family, my dad and I were inseparable and now I feel like a part of me has died to. The most important part and I can’t survive without. My cousins are a bunch of heartless assholes too. One of them had the fucking audacity to tell me not to expect too much from her because she could never fill the void my brother has left. I can’t believe this shit. My own sister, who I supported through thick and thin, hasn’t bothered to call me for four months after my brother died. I took care of her and her kid when her husband kicked her out and now she’s fucking disappeared. Hate dealing with these shit people on top of my grief.
I’m angry all the damn time, and it’s soo exhausting. I once hung out with a few friends and we started talking about death, and this one friend had the nerve to say – Don’t talk about sad things, I came here to freshen up my mood. And that fucking crushed me. I can’t even be myself around friends anymore. I don’t have the energy to pretend like I’m fine when I’m clearly not. People are soo fucking insensitive, and I can’t be real with these friends that I considered soo close to me. So I don’t go out. Don’t meet friends. I don’t have the energy to fucking talk to anyone anymore. I feel like I’m trapped in this never ending darkness and I don’t know what the fuck to do. I don’t wanna expect too much from anyone, I’ve never, but seriously, is it too much to ask for some basic human decency? Especially in a time like this when I’m at my fucking lowest. I used to be there for everyone, but now I’m feeling isolated and fucking heartbroken. What the fuck should I do?
Tl;dr: Devastated by selfish actions of friends while dealing with grief. Need advice to deal with such people.
2 comments
wow, first of all, i am so sorry. your friends are awful, i would be angry all the time too, i can’t even imagine how crushed you are. I seriously don’t think you’re expecting too much from anyone, i feel like this is definitely one of those circumstances where your friends should be going above and beyond right now. some people don’t know how to be there in every single way but it seems like they aren’t there for you in any way… this may sound meh but i wonder if there are any support groups out there that you can join? i feel like that would be really nice for you to hear other peoples stories and talk to other people to work through the grief.
i’m so sorry you’re going through this, maybe this is also a good time to find some sort outlet as well, something where you can just be max and let out that anger. It can be anything (safe) like fill up balloons with paint and just chuck them at a canvas. you deserve to be able to feel everything you need to feel, grief is such a process and it’s unfair for people to suppress that because they’re uncomfortable. imagine what you’re going through. so i’m mad for you and you have every right to feel this way. this is the hardest way to figure out who/what kind of people you want in your life and again, i am so truly sorry it happened this way and all of this happened
Don’t feel all alone because this is a culture thing. We are taught to be self-contained and if we suffer from terrible grief, we are supposed to shake it off and not mention it again.
Many people won’t even visit sick friends in the hospital because it is sad for them. That floored me after a friend called me in te middle of the night because her husband was in critical condition and she wanted someone with her. I drove 50 miles to be there with her at 2AM. However when my husband was in the hospital she never did a thing.
People also don’t know how painful it is to lose a father and brother unless it has happened to them. If there is some kind of grief group in your city, try to join it. Often a hospice, church or hospital will sponsor one and they are very helpful because others understand.
Your father wouldn’t want you to be suffering so keep him in your heart as you struggle through this. After I lost my mother and father I was a mess, but I started hearing my father’s voice in my head, urging me to keep going and have a good life.