How did you all stop comparing yourself to other people?

4 comments

1. Part of it is recognizing that social media is inadvertently designed to make everyone feel like their lives are crap. Because you only see the good parts from other people’s lives, but you see all the crud from your life.

   Part of it is understanding that many people will rush into unwise decisions (houses, cars, relationships, vacations, etc), because they feel like they’re supposed to do that. They end up in debt, and miserable, but they won’t admit that easily.

   Part of it is finding a valuable skill that you’re pretty good at. And you can say to yourself: these people are good at their things, i’m good at my things.

   Part of it is recognizing that jealousy and envy are flaws in your mind, a social contagion of competition, that you as a human with a brain, are capable of mastering. The ability to master social pressure is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself.

   Part of it is just getting older and whether it’s changes in your brain chemistry, or tons of lived experience, you just stop caring so much about other people’s opinions.

2. > Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is a talking therapy that can help you manage your problems by changing the way you think and behave.
   >
   > It’s most commonly used to treat anxiety and depression, but can be useful for other mental and physical health problems.

3. You have to get your values in the right place, then the rest sorts itself out.

   FOMO/envy of this sort is a symptom of a bigger underlying problem… namely, you’re more interested in being recognized for their achievements/attainments than you are in actually accomplishing them (or as if often the case, concerned with how others will perceive you if you DON’T have this things). This leads to you defining your own value and identity through the lens of what others see, admire, or expect. This in turn has you chasing things others have not because you actually want them, but because you’ve entered yourself in a race where everyone is measured by what others think of them… a race you can never win.

   This is exactly what leads to so many posts on this sub in the “I’m 30 and have everything I wanted by I’m miserable” category.

   Let me ask you a question – of all of those things you named and anything else you can dream up, which of them would you STILL want even if no one could know about it but you?

   Would you still want to be happily in love even if no one else in the world but you and your mate knew about it? If yes, then you ACTUALLY want to find love… if no, then you’re just interested in being with someone in regards to how others will perceive you with this idealized person.

   Would you care at all about being recognized as a creative if it could only happen to you under a pseudonym and no one else could ever know it was actually you? If yes, then you ACTUALLY value achieving creative recognition… if no, then you only care about being recognized because of how others will perceive as you through the lens of that recognition.

   Hopefully you see where I’m going, here. The things you ACTUALLY want in your life – that ACTUALLY make YOU, the person behind your eyes and inside your body, happy will never have the perception of others as a factor. Once you’ve identified those things and structured your life around pursuing what actually matters to you, you suddenly won’t care what others have… because you don’t care what they think about what you have or don’t have.

4. I don’t compare myself to anyone, I am who I am and I’m happy with that and if other people don’t like that than there’s the door 🤷🏻‍♂️