Told a guy I’m not interested after he messaged me 3 days after the date

36 comments

1. Good riddance! I had done the same thing a few times

2. hmm i mean you could text him and act like everything is normal but it’s really based on your standards and what you want to tolerate. personally, i wouldn’t tolerate that, especially after three days. there are a bunch of others men in the world.

3. Wow guys have it rough text too soon no good too late no good lol, did you ask if he made it home safe?!

4. Fuck these folks that don’t know how to communicate. How can we build with nothing.

5. He is playing games with you. No reason to wait 3 days. I don’t care how busy he is.

6. If someone was texting every day and then suddenly stopped responding for 3 days yeah, I’d think I was getting ghosted too. He could have just spent 10 seconds sending a text to let you know he’s got a busy couple days. No one is THAT busy they can’t let someone know they’re not dead .

7. He’s either extremely low effort.

   Or, he fell and broke both arms and both legs, and he spent 2-3 days trying to text you using his forehead.

8. I don’t know. I know life happens. Just because someone isn’t all over their phone to talk to you every day doesn’t mean they aren’t interested. Before cell phones, we’d talk to people a lot less regularly. I don’t understand why people get up in arms like this. Maybe it’s a generational thing or an attachment style thing.

   I reach out a LOT, but I know everyone is busy. I also have really poor working memory and don’t want to forget to tell someone about some good or bad news, or something that reminded me of them. I don’t expect a quick reply unless it’s urgent.

   Hell, even my very best friends don’t reply to me. They sometimes get distracted or they know they want to dedicate solid effort to me rather than a distracted effort. I value the time they can and do give to me. I know they still care despite not talking. I understand that’s hard to know in the beginning phases of dating. We need to learn to sit with our anxiety and our attachments.

   My best friend just didn’t respond or even read my messages for two whole weeks. She’s easily overwhelmed and has a lot of stuff going on. Am I mad at her for it? Hell no. I empathize and understand I am not the priority. We chatted for a couple of hours to catch up and lean on each other. I’m not phased. I miss her sometimes, sure, but I understand shit happens.

   I also like someone so so much who has kids and other obligations. Am I going to give up just because he replies every few days or every couple of weeks? Hell no. Life happens.

   We’re adults. I get it; I’m not like other people. A lot of people these days seem to get really upset without constant attention (and by that, I mean a dopamine hit of a message or call every day.)

   Time slips away. We are not the center of someone else’s universe. Even if we are just starting to date them. People don’t owe us anything even after one date.

   HOWEVER, I’m a STRONG believer that if THAT is your boundary and you need more communication, then good for you for setting that boundary and communicating it. It’s just not a good fit if you don’t align on communication.

   There. I’m stepping off of my soap box. Lol.

9. It’s up to you, but 3 days after a first date doesn’t seem crazy to me

10. Sounds like he’s not the one for you

11. The way I see it, it’s usually one of two things:

    He’s following some weird “don’t reach out for x amount of time bc some cringy ass YouTube redpill alpha male pickup artist said women prefer guys that don’t like them” rule

    Or

    He went on other dates, got rejected/ghosted by those girls, and now he’s trying to save it.

    I suppose it’s possible he was just *so busy* he couldn’t text you back for 72 hours, but ime that’s never the case and if it were true then he’d at least have explained that when he finally texted back.

    Instead, he sent a boring ass text with zero enthusiasm or effort.

    Don’t give this guy any attention. He needs more rejections. You know, to build character.

12. You sound like a pill tbh. I blink and 3 days pass

13. Had a guy do this pretty recently, went 2-3 days with no communication, asked me out on a 2nd date, put almost zero effort into the 2nd date, then afterward when I asked him exactly what he was looking for he just responded “idk”

    I’d say don’t waste your time wondering where they are when they aren’t responding, they often don’t know themselves.

14. He’s one of those guys who doesn’t understand that the way to be successful is show up. He’s not necessarily “playing games” but he doesn’t understand how your attraction to someone literally multiples by 0 after days of silence.

15. So, from what I’m reading, at the end of the date, he asked for your number, you texted it to him, told him to let you know he got home safe, then that you had a good time and you hoped he had a good night, and then he….didn’t respond for 3 days?

    Yeah, low-effort on his part, and I’d have cut him loose too. He could have taken 3 seconds to type “home, thanks, I had a great time too, night,” but he chose to wait for some unknown reason. I’d have assumed I was being ghosted.

16. >first date
    >waited 3 days to ask for another date

    wow… I’m a little concerned how much effort or time you feel entitled too from a stranger you just met… while also knowing he is on the dating market looking for and talking with other people.

    You’re not in a committed or exclusive relationship, you’re not BF/GF, planning further dates or anything. You’re not even really dating him yet. It was a single date with someone you don’t know.
    That’s not low effort, that’s not fuck boy. He is just a normal person living a life and talking to other dates.

    Chill out lmao.

    You could have easily text him outside that initial number share too….

    I’ve dated girls I didn’t plan to meet again for over a week, with only 1 small chat in-between that time.

17. I was very stupid after I first date and didn’t want to appear too keen and push away this girl I was very keen on so I waited a couple days before I messaged again. She asked why I ghosted her and I explained my thinking, she said it upset her and I apologized. Been together over a year now and I love her so much.

    Online dating made me less human honestly and I started playing the same mind games I felt others were playing on me, and nearly fucked it all up.

    He might have a stupid reasoning like I did, but honestly I can’t really say I don’t know the guy. But maybe a second chance who knows, I got mine and it’s been amazing.

18. Yeah I think he wasn’t that interested in you

19. Haha, that’s some serious dedication! 😅

20. He fell victim to the don’t text for 3 days meme 💀💀

21. Probably didn’t want to come off as desperate and mayb he is inexperienced

22. Sounds like another casualty of the 3 day rule

23. he probably wasn’t serious

24. Aww yeah if you reached out and the energy changed after the date he was on bs.
    Good call

25. It sounds like he was trying to play it cool and played too hard and it backfired on him. Which is good cause I hate when people play games.

26. Ah, kids. No wonder we’re all out here confused by everything. He got back to you. 3 days isn’t a long time. But…at the end of the day, it’s up to you to decide what the right move is.

27. Some women consider it intimidating if a guy gets back right away. So some guys wait a day or two even if they are eager.

28. That’s a very low level of interest maybe he was waiting for you to text but that’s the only reason I can think of for him. Sounds like he’s dating other girls too.

29. Geeze, unspoken expectations much? OP, in all honesty, it sounds like you took this very personally… And that’s the reason why it’s hurting.

    Let’s compare this to a date you go on with someone you REALLY like: You’re leaning over a table towards each other, mirroring body language, you don’t want the night to end… You can tell that BOTH of you are feeling that way… And he texts you BEFORE you get home.

    If he didn’t take the initiative, he’s not really into it. It, most likely, is a dead end, unless you’re just lookin’ to bump uglies. Consider this as practice in building your own knowledge of what you’re looking for in a partner.

    This… Sadly doesn’t sound like it was that good of a date. Shuffle the card back into the deck and draw again.

    PS. Suggested reading is a book called The Unchained Man. It’s shitty, and it’ll piss you off, but it clues you into the dating games that men (and women) play.

30. Dated a guy like this ended quickly. He set dates but wouldn’t communicate or confirm. Then would cancel at the time of the date. It was one of the worst I’ve dated. Two weeks of bs.

31. This dude dodged an artillery shell.

32. He’s been watching dating coach stupid bs game on YouTube and pulled out three days rules no contact and see if you were going to message him first .

33. if chicks didnt play a thousand games then the fools probably wouldnt play games with that chick. tho personally if i like a girl im ok ruining the chances by openly liking her i dont like to be too sneaky wjth someone that i love

34. I agree with your position but I’ve conducted myself in similar fashion to girls after dates and I get ghosted or similar responses. It’s interesting because I’m usually told that I’m in the wrong.

35. I personally and probably other people too would take your energy as too much. Not saying its inherently wrong, just personal preference. He might be a more laid back guy

36. I feel like you’re taking it too seriously.

    I would usually text when I want to meet. Maybe he’s like me.

    It’s been times when I’ve been busy. So I called after 10 days. Relax