My (29f) boyfriend (32m) and I have been together for 3 years. I know that he’s been pegged by a previous situationship from before we started dating and said he liked it. I know he uses anal toys when he masturbates but he doesn’t want me to peg him. I’m very interested in pegging him, I even ordered all the stuff to do it but he says he’s not interested. I’m having a hard time understand how he likes anal toys and has had a good time with pegging before but doesn’t want to do it with me. I can only assume it’s a me issue, do any guys have some insight to this? What can I do to make him more comfortable ?
Edit: I should’ve been more clear about the timeline for what I ordered, we had already been using fingers and then the set went on sale and I asked him if I should get it and he said sure. And since I’ve bought it I’ve brought up before if he’d like to use it and he’s not been interested. I’M NEVER GOING TO PRESSURE HIM INTO USING IT. Asking what I can do to make him more comfortable was in relation to him talking to me about why he doesn’t want to do it with me, not how to make him comfortable with me pegging him
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Your partner may not be comfortable even discussing why. Ask them if they are, and if they have a hard time explaining it, be patient. Don’t take it personally. Some guys have injuries or fluxuating interest fetish-wise.
Just open up conversation if it’s not too hard
I don’t think you need to assume it’s you, seems to me much more likely that he’s decided for himself that right now he doesn’t want to do that. I’ve been in his situation, sometimes really wanting and enjoying that, at others being ashamed of it, not wanting to, for all sorts of reasons.
If I were you I’d let it lie for a bit, it’s more than likely if he’s enjoyed it in the past he’ll come back round to wanting to do it again and then you’ll get your chance. And if he doesn’t, well, you don’t want to be doing that to someone who doesn’t want it anyway.
Did you ask him if he wanted to do it before ordering all the stuff? He might feel pressured if not.
It’s also possible that while he has done it before, he is no longer interested. That doesn’t mean he has to stop enjoying that form of stimulation all together though. Or he may of even had a negative experience. Or perhaps feel a little ashamed and therefore be rejecting his desires. I think it’s reasonable to try and talk to him about his mindset if he’s open to a conversation about it. Ultimately though, if he’s not into it as you say, you need to accept his no as an answer.
It is you. He doesn’t want to be pegged, he told you he isn’t interested, you still got all the stuff and are pressuring him to do something he clearly doesn’t want to do. You are the problem.
9TTT
He may like the stimulation, but has a more difficult time enjoying himself during sex if he isn’t in a more active role.
With some people who have sexual trauma, being passive or submissive during sex can be triggering and and an awful experience. For other people, it could just be some of societies preconceived notions about sex, and for others it could just be preference.
It’s hard to know if this is a hard boundary for him or if this is something where non-sexual giving and recieving practice could be beneficial. Only a bunch of non-judgemental, open and loving conversations can help clear that up.
How is he when he is in more passive roles? Ie you are riding him, giving him a blow job, riding his face etc?
How can you make him feel more comfortable? By respecting his wishes. Completely. Stop trying to convince him otherwise when he gives you a hard no. At that point you’re only making things worse.
He said he wasn’t interested and you’ve gone ahead and already bought the stuff you need for it, RED FLAGS right there. This shows a disregard for what he’s communicated and a more selfish viewpoint on your part cos of what YOU want, not what he has already expressed to you.
THIS is probably the issue more than anything else. Trust is a big part of this, respect another, you seem not to have either for him where his choice not to is concerned.
Also, he doesn’t need a reason to not want to do something sexual, no means no.
What you can do to make him more comfortable Is accepting the fact that he doesn’t want to be pegged by you and drop it. Last thing you want is sexually pressuring him into doing it which could lead to resentment. Respect his wishes and stop comparing yalls sex life with his prior sexual relations. People change! He may have liked it, sure, but doesn’t mean he has to want it now.
He said no, drop the subject.
If the genders were reversed and a guy bought a but plug training kit and lube for his gf who says she didn’t want anal play, you guys would be screaming future rapist. Furthermore, you would be saying she doesn’t owe him an explanation for her sexual desires, or her past doesn’t matter.
Let’s try to keep the hypocrisy and double standards to a minimum
OP, your BF told you he doesn’t want to be pegged, you pressure him and bought the stuff do it. Mentally you are abusive and one small step away from a sexual abuser. You may need therapy to understand why you don’t respect others boundaries
Had a buddy that found it disgusting to do it with others vs. On his own almost humiliating or unmanly
Just because he likes to use anal toys doesn’t mean he wants to have them used on him. Stop pushing him into doing something he doesn’t want to do.
You already got the answer here (don’t pressure him, if he doesn’t want it, take no for an answer) but to share my personal experience — I like stuff in my butt if it’s small and isn’t moving. I tried getting pegged once and while it sounded hot, it was actually not enjoyable at all and I don’t plan to do it again. This might be his situation as well.
He may have enjoyed it previously, but I wonder if something bad came out of that relationship that stops him
No is a complete sentence. Coercion is consent regardless of gender.
Bro I mean you could just ask him
Buying all the supplies when he’s said he doesn’t want to do it is wack. I’d be put off too. Can’t rly blame this guy. Just ask him if ur curious I’m sure he’d give you an answer
Edit: didn’t realize that OP didn’t specify whether her bf said no to pegging before or after she bought the stuff for it. If it was after then it’s less wack but I can still se who’s bro would feel pressured by that.
Wait so he’s not comfortable doing something with you and you’re trying to convince him to do it?
Let’s flip these roles Reddit and see what everyone would say about him doing that to you.
Drop it.
Doesn’t no mean no? Don’t question just accept the fact they don’t want it. Ffs pressuring is not ok.
Your boyfriend is allowed to have a boundary. Nothing is wrong here
Why would you go and buy all that stuff before even asking him?? I can see why he would be put off by it.
Then don’t peg him?? Just because he likes sticking something up his bum doesn’t mean he wants you to do it
Here’s what you say:
“I know you said you’re not interested, I just want to know if it’s because of me.” And then, when he answers no, just trust him and leave it be, but assure him that if he wants to bring it up with you, he can
He said no. That’s that. Stop pushing.
“What can I do to make him more comfortable ”
Leave him alone, if he says no it’s no, if he changes his mind he will tell you.
He is allowed to not want to be pegged. Stop trying to cross his boundaries. I can’t believe you ordered the goods without even verifying that he’d be okay with it first.
Let it go and fuck off with that behavior.
He said no, leave him alone about it
So he’s not comfortable doing something with you and you’re trying to convince him to do it?
Let’s flip the roles and see what everyone would say about him doing that to you.
No means no, right?
He said no. Thats all he has to say. Just like you can say No and he should respect your wishes 🙂
Because it’s a psychological act as much as a physical one. If you offered him the same kind of stimulation in other ways, I think he’d be really into it.
As for why he did it with a former partner but not you, maybe he’s moved on and wants a different relationship dynamic with you.
I can relate to your guy. Been with my girl 13 years, we’ve explored all sorts of stuff.
I got really into butt stuff for a minute there and thought getting pegged would be hot AF
But then we had all the equipment and my brain just broke, started questioning stuff I never questioned. “How would this make me look? Where does this lead?” Questions about masculinity and how I’m viewed by my girl.
For me, the realization was that I think I still want to be pegged, but it isn’t going to be a casual situation, but something to work towards, which is weird cause nothing else in my sex life is like that.
Idk, pegging is weird
Mostly straight kinda bi-guy here, can relate. It’s just oxtremely sensitive, it’s hard for tops to understand that bottoms aren’t gonna enjoy any of it if the top’s focus is themselves. Anal masturbation is only enjoyable once you’ve fogured out what works for you, which takes lots of time and experience. I’ve slept with one guy probably 10 times over the past few years, but never often because halfway through I always lose interest and would rather just fuck myself, or I wish he was unrealistically bigger so it’d stimulate my prostate, and that’s thrown me off of ever seeking a guy to fill that urge I have sometimes. Also it’s an extremely intimate experience, so it may just take time before a guy feels like they can expose their more feminine side. Pegging can really affect how you see youself and how your pRtner sees you, for better or worse.
Maybe there is a difference between prostate stimulation and anal penetration? 🤷
Maybe there is a difference between prostate stimulation while being on top and being penetrated by your wife while being on bottom? 🤷
Its nuanced. Maybe some women like clitoral stimulation and don’t like anal sex. Different strokes for different folks🤷
It’s possible he’s just lost interest in pegging for whatever reason. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a “you” thing.
Its possible hes worried you’d lose respect for him after the fact. I’ve heard stories of women losing interest after pegging because they feel they’re bf isn’t as “manly” as they previously thought after pegging them. Maybe he was ok with the situationship doing it because he wasn’t worried about losing a potential longterm partner
(It’s dumb but it happens)
No is a full and complete sentence.
Lot’s of people like anal play, but not anal sex.
Anal play can be a very different motion, something you are in control of.
Pegging might be a thrusting situation he is not interested in.
I will never understand the term “Situationship”