I F(27) was with my ex M(30) for ten years. We broke up last year. He’s been dating this new girl for eight months.
Five months ago he started messaging me asking if I ever thought of him and I said of course I cared for you, if I didn’t we wouldn’t of been together that long. I’ll always think of you. He wanted to start over and make things work between us.
We started going out regularly and talking everyday. I found out he had a girlfriend and of course I was offended and beyond pissed. He lied by omission. He said he’s not happy with her “obviously” and that’s why he’s talking to me. They barely see each other and she’s in a bad state mentally and he’s all she has. He said he wants things to be more secure with me first and he’ll work on breaking up with her. I said fine.
He keeps saying how much he wants me always in his life and how good of friends we are. Again we weren’t friends since it was romantic and sexual as well.
Three months pass and still no break up. I confront him and I say “you’re hurting two people at once at this point. You seemed confused and you need to make up your mind. I want to be publicly in your life. You see me more, you came back to me, and you say you’re not happy and she’s depressed. I want to be the only one in the picture”.
He said “sorry I can’t do that. I don’t see it between you and I. You deserve someone who will be your boyfriend and that’s not me”.
I said “you seriously lied to me, came back into my life when I tried to move on, said you wanted to make it work, and once I say I’m basically cutting off sex now the truth comes out?”
He goes “sorry move on”
I feel like this was cold af. I feel confused and I don’t understand. Part of me doesn’t even want to tell the girl because it will just look vindictive.
How do I handle this and all the emotions I feel?
TL;DR: was with my ex for ten years and we broke up a year ago. He wanted to make things work with me and we were seeing eachother. I found out he had a new gf but told me he will break up with her once him and I are more secure. Months have passed and now he’s backtracking
5 comments
Sorry to hear thats happened to you. Sounds awful to be honest. I would probabaly tell the GF that he was doing that not out of vindication but as a “heads up”. The reason is, Im sure you would like to know if your BF was talking to another girl while dating you. This is a massive red flag and terrible character trait that will cause harm onto everyone involved. If the new girl ends up leaving him, it would not be on you anyways. I mean, would you rather her suffer the same fate as you? Probably not. So Id give her a headsup as a courtesy from one human to another and wish her good luck. Ex is not someone worth investing in. Try your best to heal and move on.
Well first off you caused this yourself. You never date a man who is in a relationship plus don’t you feel bad for talking to a guy who is in a relationship (doesn’t matter the state of the relationship) and think how the other girl feels? Also don’t ever go back to an ex. There are billions of people in this world yet you want to go back with an ex??? Do you know how insane that sounds? He’s right you need to move on and make sure to block him
This guy is as full of shit as it gets. Sorry you’ve had to deal with it.
I get that he’s afraid of being alone, but just beyond selfish to string two people along cause you can’t figure out what you want.
I would definitely tell her, save her from wasting anymore time with him.
Tbh I wouldn’t tell her as he might make on that you’re making thing up, that your just the jealous ex etc.
Just cut your loses and cut off all contact with him, she’ll soon see his true colours hopefully without your help.