Posted here before, i’m 37M and struggle with common communication skills, im pretty aware but I really struggle with dealing with after feelings of what I am feeling or I find it difficult to explain to people what I’m feeling etc.
Was seeing someone last year, everything was fine, she wanted us to be a couple in space of a few days she ended up with a housemate in her bed.. long story short, I cut things off as you do and I moved out. Year later everyone in her place had to be put into new living, some reason she moved into my place.. we spoke it about stuff since she was living at the place I moved too, to keep peace.
She says how shes missed me etc and wants to try again, I said let’s just see how things go..
Turns out she slept with another guy a few days after the 1st incident (my room was above hers). She tells me she’s going away the weekend with a group of friends, but whilst she’s away I get a message from a friend of mine asking to come and talk to him, I go to speak and I find out she has gone away with one guy… I also find out the guy whos telling me this has been giving her ketamine and “got touchy feely with her” as he put it. Iv confronted her and she said “That’s what normal people do”.
So, Iv been lied to endlessly, she had gone away with one guy not a group and turns out someone I knew has been giving her ketamine and taking advantage… but i’m the bad person for being bothered.
Her now living here is killing me as she’s never here, always at the ketamine guys house for 7 days a week but comes back here to get a shower/change of clothes.
Can’t kick her out as its private housing… I just don’t know what to do, my mind is blaming myself, my mind is asking what have I done for this to happen, why choose the house I moved too when there was others and knowing why I moved out… Im so damn confused…
5 comments
All you talk about is her. which is commendable, but have you ever thought of moving out on your own?
I really believe she does not deserve you. If you keep letting her in I am sure you will be hurt more and more.
> Year later everyone in her place had to be put into new living, some reason she moved into my place
What do you mean “some reason”? How could she possibly move into your place, other than you letting her?
> my mind is asking what have I done for this to happen
You allowed it.
> Im so damn confused
What are you confused about? She showed you who she was, and you chose not to believe her.
> my mind is blaming myself
That won’t get you anywhere. Her behavior is not your fault, but you *do* need to take responsibility for the choices you made which led to your current situation. Otherwise, what’s to prevent this from happening again, and again?
What is done is done and should be left in the past. I’m saying learn to forgive yourself. This will free your mind and give you a window of peace. Make sure you use it to identify and solve your real problem and not use it to dwell in the past.
Since you’re experiencing intense emotional turmoil, what you need to do is to first get it under control. You can try Journaling, or do intense workouts such as kickboxing, or go for a long run. Aim to use up as much energy as you can. It will not only divert your thinking, but it also allows flow. As the cycle of life goes, we also must allow a cycle of energy. Don’t hold it in by doing nothing. Release it.
You have to keep doing this. It’s not a one-time event. And you also have to want it bad enough to free yourself from it, or you may never recover.
When you journal, ask questions. Even if you dont know the answer, that’s ok. What’s important is that you’re slowly gaining mental clarity. I’d ask questions like, what are 5 reasons why it’s not worth worrying about this? And so forth.
You do not live in the same room right? She is your flat mate, but not roommate?
I can only tell you all men will go through something similar and we get emotional and we will struggle to understand why women do not give a crap about our feelings. But our feelings will CHANGE, you just need to position yourself in a better place, and all you have to do is give it time.
How often do you go out? Do you engage in chats in others groups with people/girls? This will help you tremendously in overcoming social anxiety and improve your communication skills.
I am quite the opposite of a sociable person, and still, I worked in a mall talking to tens of strangers every day, mastering the art of saying “hi”.
If you want an Andrew Tate advice, you need to get laid and stop thinking about her.