I know some are groaning when you stand up even though there’s no pain, and pointing a stud finder to yourself.

35 comments

  3. If you are at a urinal and say there are five you must go to one of the end ones. Anyone else coming in would have to go to the opposite end or at least leave a gap of one toilet between you and him. Only if there are no other toilets available, you can start infilling the toilets between two other men.

  4. Don’t bitch or gossip. It’s so lame and just makes you come across as weird.

  7. When you walk past another dude you have to do the respect nod. Don’t check out your friends girl no matter how fine she is. If at a house party, girls pee inside boys pee outside. Getting your girl fries even though she says she doesn’t want any because you know she will take some of yours anyway. That’s all I got so far

  8. When tying something down, especially to a vehicle, be sure to check strap tightness by giving it a flick, listening to the music it makes and then (this here is the most important part) you say, “that’s not going anywhere”.

    Attempting to move the secured object to see if the vehicle moves with it is also an acceptable test.

    But, and I cannot stress this enough, do NOT forget to say “That’s not going anywhere”.

  14. Nice try, Karen! They’re unwritten for a reason. And we ain’t giving em up until we find out what y’all are doing in the bathroom in groups….I suspect some cabal forging counterfeit bills, but can’t prove it .. yet!

  15. With family matters, you’re either all together with the big problems AND the good stuff, or you’re not together at all.

  16. When someone asks about the secret code, come up with ludicrous twaddle and try to sell it.

    For example: Always leave a sweaty moist pair of boxers lying around so that your lady is impressed when she doesn’t find them and you say I did some cleaning (meaning you decided to put them in the wash).

  18. Reply in a slightly louder voice:

    “HAH??”

    Even if you heard what the other person said

  19. If you borrow a buddy’s truck, bring it back washed and the tank full

    If you borrow a tool and break it due to abuse, bring the broken tool along with the new replacement

    Don’t bring coconut donuts to deer camp

    Stand up to shake a man’s hand

    If your buddy is using a urinal, take the one next to him. Wait 4 seconds then say, “Nice watch”.

    Passenger is the default navigator.

  23. Keep space at the urinals unless necessary. No talking in the bathroom.

    Test a drill with two pulls to make sure it’s powered and bit is aligned.

    Talk shit about your friends only to their face and sing their praises when they aren’t around.

    The closer the friend the more shit he gets. But if anyone else gives him shit, you bury that guy.

    If your buddy’s girlfriend/wife betrays him you ignore his tears and then when he’s done help him plot, and carry out, appropriate revenge.

  24. Restroom etiquette. Always skip one urinal from the one currently in use unless there are no other urinals available. Do not ever look to the sides while using the urinal. Refrain from talking while in the restroom. The only business you have in the restroom is your biological needs. Everything else should be conducted outside (no fucking talking on the phone cause we don’t care about your problems, etc). Get in, get out.

  27. If two or more dudes are standing around, looking at something with their hands on their hips, you must join in, make small comments and point things out, and nod when someone in the circle says something.

  29. This one isn’t as oftenly talked about, but here i go,

    Putting your second favorite pillow under your head, and using you FAVORITE pillow as a substitution for your crush.

    Remember, if you still live with your parents, set an alarm of the time before your parents wake up, so you can put the pillows back in their original places.

    Also, not standing in the urinal which is right beside a guy, make sure to leave one and ONLY ONE urinal between the two of you.

    You are only allowed to use the urinal in between when you are REALLY in an emergency…

    or if you want to block the urinals besides you.

    *gets slapped by the ghost of the person who made the rule*

  31. If friends are buying rounds for your group and you, you don’t bounce before your turn.

  32. The man at the grill is the closest thing we have to a king.

    Stand, eye contact and a handshake when you introduce yourself to someone.

    Hat off to eat, pray, or at the legion hall.

    Don’t talk shit.

    Don’t fuck with how another man gets payed.

  33. Passing another man on a street:

    – a downward nod is a sign of respect and hello
    – an upward nod is a “what’s up kind of thing” that I write off as ego or youth
    – an upward nod held up, sometimes followed by hands out is a sign of “we’re about to fight”

  34. Touching another man’s hat is very high level disrespect and most of the time will lead to a fight.

    I’ve tried to explain this to my GF however she doesn’t understand…period…”It’s just a hat” she says….

    Point being, Men don’t like their hats to be touched by anyone, ever.

  35. There are no rules aside from like.. which urinal to choose when there are occupied urinals.

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