We’re both 26 and have been friends for +13 years. We have always shared a close connection. I lost contact with him because of my ex boyfriend’s insecurity about our friendship and I had moved away from our hometown (he still lives there).
In January I saw him in person for the first time in 5 years. My relationship with my ex was on the rocks and coming to an end (I needed a way out because it started getting abusive).
I opened up about my experience with my (ex) boyfriend and he helped me break up and leave. I ended up spending 2 months living with him on his family’s farm. We shared a bed but he was very respectful of my boundaries – we had separate blankets (I suffered trauma from my relationship and didn’t want any form of physical contact). (Context: He’s family is normally affectionate (hugs and touches) so naturally he’s also affectionate. I never used to shy away from his hugs and touches.)
We’d spend most nights talking about life. After the first month I told him that I liked him when we were in high school and I kept the bracelet he bought for my 16 birthday. He told me that he had a lot of respect for me (and showed it).
We had a routine where I would WFM while he worked around his farm. I had grown comfortable waking up to him and he had noticed, so he had offered for me to share his blanket and letting me sleep on his chest/shoulders. I would find myself reaching for him at night and he would do the same. I would play with his hair (he talked about getting it cut after I left and when I asked why he said he liked it when I played with it). He lent me his clothes. I woke up one night from a nightmare and he was in the next room playing video games. I sat in an armchair not expecting anything, just wanting to watch him play because I couldn’t sleep. He stopped his game and sat with me in the armchair (or more like took up most of the armchair that I was in and asked me to sit on his lap so he could hold me which I did). These are just some of the many times he has been affectionate. He normally flirts as well and I try to flirt back but I’m such a introvert and need to brush up on my flirting skills.
I had to return to my home in a different state because we were returning to the office for work. In the days leading up to my departure he told me that he would miss me and that it wouldn’t be bad if I stayed longer. He wants me to visit and stay for a while again (which I am considering).
I don’t know what type of relationship this is and I’m not expecting anything to come of it but I want to know if I’m reading into it too much.
2 comments
You need to ask him. Not least because if you don’t get it out the way, it’s always going to hang over the two of you. Do you have feelings for him?
Make sure you ask questions that actually get the answers you need though.
This could go either way – he does have feelings but was being respectful of what you’ve been through or because you two are friends, and his family’s tactile nature, he was just being himself.
There’s obviously a huge element of comfortableness between you.
It’s a rare and priceless thing to have someone that respects, protects and loves you like that so selflessly and completely for that many years.
That’s all I can say.