I don’t know what to do or think.
After so much struggle through our 20s going through college, building a foundation, going through multiple jobs we despised and finding the one we wanted to pursue, working through the death of her parents and my father, I thought I was the luckiest man ever.
She always provided a shoulder, empathy, and grace when I needed it most.
Today she received results from her pap that said she is HPV positive. She sat me down and admitted to cheating on me several times, through the course of 9 months, with someone who was a mutual friend.
She said right after my father’s passing, our relationship had strained and she was lonely because I was gone all the time, dealing with the legalities of it all.
One part of me is so angry and wants to break it off. I was there for her when her parents died and helped her with hospice care. I was there to work 2 jobs to ensure we had a roof over our heads. I was there to get her and us the apartment of our dreams.
Another part of me isn’t mad at all/isn’t surprised and just wants to move on and continue to build a life and to make it work.
What the fuck happens now?
Edit: For those who have commented/are curious; there’s no test for HPV for men. It’s something that either show via symptoms or lays dormant until then
27 comments
Take this opportunity to re-start your life. She’s not worth it. You are young you can focus on your health and your professional life. She is dragging you down. Tell her tanks for showing you want type of person she is. And send her packing.
When times were hard for her, you put in a lot of time and effort and supported her as much as possible.
When times were hard for you, she only cared about herself, what she wanted, what she was feeling.
You are an awesome partner and anyone would be blessed to be with you.
She is selfish, self-centered, and only cares about herself and anyone would be cursed to be stuck with her.
Life is full of hard times, and you need (and deserve) a partner who will care for and help you as much as you do them. That is not, and never will be, your wife. She only cares about herself.
Well, that means no more oral sex. I recommend divorcing and moving on.
Life is tough and marriage too.
Everyone has a burden. Hers were no different (but she cheated).
She’s 28yo not some 16yo.
People with solid core values don’t cheat ever – because it’s not an option.
But she cheats when the going gets tough (and will cheat again).
She failed the life partner test.
Your future kids deserve a strong reliable parent and a solid role model.
It’s not her.
You’re too young to stay man. She cheated on you because you were busy helping your family through tragedy? After you helped her? And it’s with a mutual friend?
Burying your head in the sand and hoping this all goes away is the worst possible route you can take. Leave her and find someone who loves you, because she sure as hell doesn’t.
now you put an end to this story and seek to heal from this disappointment.
Remember, if the exam result had not given anything, you would continue to be betrayed.
I’m going to ask you a question and answer it truthfully, if she didn’t get an STD would she have told you? She already went 9 months and didn’t say shit.
Your partner of 10 years cheated on you at your lowest point. Instead of being supportive through the death of your father she instead chose to be selfish and cheat on you rather than be a support system for you. Did you think to cheat when her parents died? No? Well she did when one of yours did. I cant think of a more selfish act. Time to get a lawyer mate.
9 months is a long time to be lied to. A mutual friend at that. End it. Making it work sounds like years of suffering before she does it again. And blames you again.
You married a good actress. She lied and cheated with a friend and was fine hiding it from you. Who knows what else she’s done behind your back. Cheaters rarely give the full truth.
Your partner lied to your face for 9 months straight.
If she didn’t get an STD you would still be in the dark about it.
Why would you want to be with someone like that?
Several times in 9 months is alot of time. She had time to think about it and process what she was doing. Also was a mutual friend yikes. If you really wanna work on it I say do it. Counseling individual and couples counseling. I will say she really did a bad thing. You were grieving dealing w some big stuff. She wasn’t there she was busy getting hers. That’s not a partner in my book at all. And once trust is broken it’s super hard to rebuild. She would have to be extremely transparent and also stop talking to this “friend” which isn’t a friend for what they did. I’ll tell you from experience I tried the forgiveness thing and unfortunately for me came full circle and my sons dad was still stepping out. Never got that trust back and it was hard to ever trust his word. But if you wanna try to do what I failed at lol I wish you the very best. I’m so sorry for everything you are going thru. Life is short make the best of it whichever path you chose.
I would make an appointment with a lawyer. I got married 26 years ago when I was 28. We are very happily married still. I couldn’t imagine spending my whole life with a cheater. You have your whole life ahead of you. Don’t waste it on a woman that doesn’t love or respect you. The girl I dumped before I met my wife cheated on me and the guy didn’t know we were together and he told me. He Saved my life. Save yourself and get divorced.
You just don’t ‘accidentally” cheat for 9 months. Think of all the decisions she had to make, think of all the things she hid from you, the amount of times she must have lied to your face.
This is not someone that you can trust anymore. Sorry dude.
Please leave. Don’t fall into the sunken cost fallacy.
Find out what strain of HPV she has. A few of them CAUSE CANCER. Not just cervical cancer, but also oral, penile, rectal, and anal cancer. Not everyone is susceptible to the virus, and most people’s immune system keeps it tamped down. Yes, HPV is pretty common, but that’s still no reason to be blasé about picking it up. And with a mutual friend? Nuh uh.
I have to say I’m on Team Not-a-life-partner. She stabbed you in the back when you were struggling. You helped her along when she was. That is in no way, shape, or form fair.
WTH does she propose to do about this? Aside from saying, “I’m sorry.” That and $5 will buy you a coffee. Words are meaningless, and actions mean everything.
When you needed her comprehension the most she cheated on you. She ain’t wife material. Leave and find someone who truly deserves you.
You’re 29. Still time to find someone worth it. I’m almost 34 and broke things off with my fiancé at 32(was mutual). Things are still hard but I have faith things will work out. Focus on you brother.
She’s a repeat offender. Please do not give her more chances to betray you.
Leave her.
Bruh, you gotta divorce
Well don’t go with the idiot part of you that wants to rug sweep her many betrayals. She is garbage and repeatedly betrayed you with a friend over and over again. And obviously without protection, thus putting you in std danger too. She has absolutely zero respect for you. Don’t be the fool she thinks you are, file for divorce.
She sounds like a horrible person. This is your out so you can start over with someone else
I broke up a 6 years relationship because she cheated, my dad was sick and I wasn’t in a good mental/emotional state and rather than communicating (I tried several times) she decided to cheat.
My point OP is that you did all the right things during her darkest time, but during yours, she decided to seek attention some place else rather than communicating her feelings to you. You might think you can get pass that but I can assure you, it will never be the same after that. My biggest regret was giving her a 2nd chance because it hurts the second time around. It’s better to suffer alone than to suffer with someone that already made clear she won’t be there for you during a hard time like you did for her. And she didn’t come clean because of guilt, rather it was impossible to hide something like HPV or you would still be in the dark.
Im really sorry you have to suffer thru all this shit, but don’t stay in it.
You sound cool man. Stand up guy.
Stand up. Walk out the door and hold your head high.
You’re better than her. And you will find someone as good as you.
All the best.
Fuck friends who fuck their mates partner as well. Fuck your partner for fucking your mate. Dont worry though. Soon u can have 2 less shit people in your life and they can live with the consequences later.
Married for 2 years and cheating with someone you new for one of those
So they both have been laughing at you this whole time
Yeah this is where you part company with both of these people ….. Let everyone know she is now a diseased cheater and leave her in the dust.
Yeah, the “I was lonely because your dad died and you weren’t there for me,” that’s a load of bullshit and she’s a terrible person for claiming that.
You should walk right up to her, and tell her that you stayed for her, by her side, when her parents died, and she couldn’t even have the basic decency to do the same for you. She’s a shit person through and through and deserves to be alone.
This one is easy- good riddance.
I would be gone