I have a friend who wants to introduce to some of her friends from out of state. While I am OK with few hours drive but one of my requirements is I strongly prefer that she comes down to where I am if everything goes well. My friend tells me that I shouldn’t mention that on first dates because they barely know me and I am throwing “come upend your life here and go there” talk. She said that the topic could come up naturally when things go well but my mentality is to make sure relocation is even on the books for those women first or we would be wasting our times. Granted they would know I am from couple states away and if they do agree to meet me then they would know that could be a topic?
My friend says I am basically unnecessarily putting up barriers before even meeting these women. I would say my job is flexible but where I am I have the most advantage though and I have house here too.
Should I just meet these women and see where it goes and just not mention about relocating? Maybe its part of my thought process of “thinking scenarios ahead”.
1 comment
I think sometimes people don’t have a clear idea of the difference between their dealbreakers and things that they would prefer not to deal with.
This applies to both you and the women you are being set up with. Is it truly a dealbreaker for you to relocate? Maybe best to bring it up. If it is something that you’d do if you were in love, don’t mention it. And keep in mind that relocation might be something that these women would be willing to do for someone they loved, but not something they’re willing to do for someone they just met. If that’s the case, bringing it uo could drive away someone who could have worked out. Apps tend to give us the sense that we have infinite options, even when we’re not on them.
ETA: to be clear, this is NOT an endorsement of ever lying or hiding a potential dealbreaker to manipulate someone into accepting it. If these women know that you’re from a few hours away, I just don’t think you have to decide where you would live together on the very first date.