What do you do when your friend confesses to you that she is cheating on her partner?

25 comments

  1. No judgement and give her the space to talk about what’s going on. She will already know what’s right and wrong in her world and I would be the sounding board/sense-checker she needs.

  2. Listen to her and do nothing. I don’t meddle in other people’s relationships.

  3. Listen.

    Encourage him/her to be honest with themselves and their partner. But only once, not as the whole focus.

    They know what they’re doing, and you are not there to live your friends’ lives for them.

  4. I’d be disapproving and let them know it’s not acceptable, then ask what they’re going to do. If the answer is come clean and/or break up, then ok I’ll let her know I’ll be there for her. If the answer is anything else, then I’d tell her that she needs to come clean or I’d feel obligated to tell her partner. It’s not fair on the partner and even if she’s my friend, I think it’s more important to do the right thing.

  5. Support them as a good friend would. I’m not their mother, I don’t need to give them lessons on their behaviour.

  6. If it was one of my two closest female friends, I’d feel very uncomfortable because their partners are both lovely and I consider them friends too. I’d also be very surprised as it would be out of character so I’d try to listen without judging too much, as it might be that there was some bad shit going on in their relationship that I didn’t know about. Ultimately though I would be strongly encouraging them to either be honest or end the relationship. If they didn’t I might have to distance myself, because I couldn’t imagine hanging out with them and their partner while I knew that.

  7. If my friend is willing to cheat on a person they supposedly love, then she can backstab me in various ways just as well. And i don’t think this sort of deception is acceptable in any sort of relationship, i would tell their partner. If she gets mad she gets mad, wouldn’t want to be friends with a cheater.

  8. Not my circus, not my monkeys.

    I’ll keep an eye on her in case she wants to be shady towards me and my relationship too but besides that, I stand still.

    No one is perfect, many of your friends, coworkers, family are gonna do some stuff, some cheat on their partners (relationship, business, etc) some are lazy and push their work to others, some go to jail, some do drugs, some are shallow and selfish,… Just those actions may affect you differently, some hurt you directly and some don’t at all (but hurt others). You must decide which of those actions you can overlook and which you cannot. And how close you keep the person.

  11. I’d tell them to stop talking. That I don’t support cheating. If their partner asked me, I wouldn’t lie and cover for them. So they shouldn’t tell me they are cheating.

  14. This happened to me and we’re no longer friends because she refused to believe what she did was wrong and thought it was hilarious. She was also fully aware that I was very lonely at the time and had never been asked out or in a relationship, so her taking what she had for granted really annoyed me. Her partner was my friend too. He still is.

  15. Honestly, I’d generally distance myself from them and the friendship. A lot would depend on the context.

    Something that I value very highly in my friends is their honest/ethical core. I consider my friends extremely trustworthy and kind. I value that I can trust them deeply. If they are unfaithful to their partner, then that shakes my trust in them. If they can lie to and betray their partner, there’s no reason for me to believe that any other friendship or relationship that they have would be immune.

  16. Discuss why they did it. Once we have talked, I would advise them to be honest with their partner. If they don’t agree with it, I’ll let the partner know. People have mixed opinions about third-person informing them but here’s a simple solution: If you were being cheated on and someone knew, would you want them to tell you? You do whatever your answer is.

  17. I honestly can’t believe so many people are saying they’d support their friends??? I mean. My job is to love and support my friends but that includes giving them a goddamn reality check when they’re making a mistake. If I didn’t do my very best to talk a person out of making a mistake then I clearly don’t care much about them.

    I will concede, if it’s just an acquaintance that I’m never going to meet again, then ok. If I meet their partner I might mention it in passing. But if it’s a good or close friend even if they’re not my best friend, or if it was my sister or whatever, it’s my JOB to NOT support their poor decision. I love them and I want the best for them. That means I don’t want them to cheat, god.

  18. I was 18 at that time, I had some friends that I used to be close with. Two of them were in relationships, and one of the girls was actually cheating on her boyfriend, because were so close I didn’t say anything to her partner about the cheating. I didn’t know who she was cheating with, but later on down the track we found out that she was cheating with our other bfs partner.

    She found out about the cheating and us knowing about it, and it nearly destroyed her. She immediately dropped us as friends(as she should) and it was a complete disaster, our families got involved, the works.

    I will never forget the look in her eyes, the betrayal and oh the pain, so much hurt. I regret not saying anything, and promised myself will never do that again

  20. I’d hear her out, be supportive, and try to give her whatever advice I can to help her. Just like with anything in life.

    Is it an affair? Was it a one time thing? Is she trying to have her cake and eat it too? Or is she trapped in a toxic relationship and sees no way out (finances, children, family, etc)? I’d respond to all of these differently.

    I think it’s very situational. What’s not situational is my friendship.

  21. You listen, empathize, then encourage her to make the best decision for herself. True friends don’t judge.

  22. Let them know it is wrong, they need to stop, and come clean to their spouse and divorce them. If they didn’t, then I would probably tell their spouse and would not be their friend anymore.

    I would want someone to tell me if I was being exposed to STDs or the possibility of my husband having a child with another woman. In this case, SHE could end up pregnant and then lie to him causing him to raise a child that isn’t his.

    Good friends want their friends to be good people. You don’t just stand by and watch them do terrible things and just shrug because both of you like Real Housewives and crocheting or some other shit you have in common. You hold them to account.

  23. I would tell her that whatever she does in or outside of her relationship isn’t my business, but I’d also be firm in letting her know that I disapprove and don’t want to be dragged into this by hearing another word of it. Not my monkey, not my circus.

  24. I would just let that confession hang in the air like I never heard it. If you get involved and this goes south, you will be partly to blame on some level..I M O

  25. Have literally never been in this situation.

    It happened with my sister, but we’ve never been close and do not get along, so I just stayed out of it. She got caught eventually.

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