What’s your opinion on dating someone who has serious psychological trauma ?

29 comments

1. If you think you can handle it ,go for it.

2. as someone who has it, don’t unless you know what you’re getting yourself into, too many people date people with trauma and expect them not to act like they have trauma and it’s tiring and frustrating for both parties

3. I wouldn’t personally. I’m still struggling to deal with no own trauma, I don’t think I could handle someone else’s as well.

4. If they are in active care (therapy, psychiatry etc) and are willing and wanting to work on their trauma and heal, or have sought care and are now stable, then yes. Otherwise no & in my opinion they should remain single until they’ve gotten help.

5. I have it, I also grew up with a father who did, and I’m well equipped to handle it in others. I even prefer relationships with other traumatised people because we understand each other better.

6. If i would no longer be with my husband, I would flee like the plague from those who are still being haunted by their trauma, now not to misinterpret it I do understand because myself I was being eaten alive by it at some point in my life but I stayed away from the dating scene to work on it because I know that “active-trauma” (mind wise) and dating don’t go along, I had been struggling way more once I got with him and got dragged down that now it is just impossible for me to ever date someone who is not actively working on their trauma, worst to build a life and family with that person, because they unconsciously lend their burden to their partner and exhausting is not even enough to describe the mental effects it has on a partner, because even the smallest everyday life things are a trigger to them, you can say good morning while being half asleep and they’re going to misinterpret it as a personal attack (extreme exemple but it already happened with my husband), you automatically become a parental figure, a nanny, social worker and a full time therapist who struggles to meet the desire therapy goal with their clients to the point of drowning because it start affecting their personal life and ended up quitting their job in order for themselves to seek therapy as well, type of thing.

7. Depends, are we talking personality disorders? PTSD? Are they in therapy? Have they had therapy before? Are they independent emotionally, financially ect? Not codependent? Did they trauma dump and over share on the first date?

   It all depends. Someone can have severe trauma but if they’re at the point they’ve done the work to heal their suffering and take responsibility for their own happiness then you’d probably only find out about the trauma once they open up to you.

8. Done it a lot, it’d beautiful when it works, its miserable when it doesn’t

9. Have they worked on it? Are they willing to work on it? How does that trauma still affect them? What are they able and willing to do to make sure they aren’t enacting their trauma on those around them, including me? Are we able to talk about things in a healthy way? Are they able to be in a healthy relationship? Having trauma doesn’t make you broken or bad or unlovable or unable to be in a relationship, but it does mean you have to do a lot of work on yourself so that when you are in a relationship you’re able to be a stable, loving partner who gives as much to the relationship as you take.

10. It’s not your job to fix your partner. As someone who have mental illness, I try my best not to trauma dump to my partner and only have him as support, not a lifeline.

11. Are they getting help for it? It’s between them and their doctor.

    Can they function in life? So I feel confident they’re ready to date/add another person to their life.

    I don’t get into a relationship if I sense I’m part of their healing journey. I can’t provide that kind of guarantee or take the responsibility with any confidence.

12. Hell no

13. Oh, you mean me?

14. We all have something. However I’m working with adults who has severe mental illness/trauma and I don’t want to have to deal with it with a partner as well. I assume that he has worked his best on it and everyone can have bad days but if it’s truly interfering his life and making him anxious/depressed then it’s not for me.
    I’m a very happy person after I dealt with my own shit and I love life and want to share that with someone likeminded.

15. As someone who has been on both sides of your question, I think my conclusion continues to be that the key lies in open and honest communication both ways. If you don’t have this, or recieve this, then the relationship is doomed to fail.

16. I can’t. I have enough issues on my own that I have had to and continue to work on. I need a person who is a rock- someone stable, or I know I will destroy all my progress, my own stability, pretty much anything and everything, to “help” them- I have done it before and I struggle so hard not to do it- even with family and friends.

17. I’m willing to take up the difficulties if I truly like the person

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20. Honestly who doesn’t have trauma in this day and age? As long as we are actively working on being better and communicating then it’s fine!

21. I wouldn’t pursue a romantic relationship unless they have actively gotten the help they needed and can now manage it properly. I’ve grown up having to walk on eggshells around one of my family members, too emotionally spent to do that again.

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23. You can’t fix them, but they can break you. So be careful.

24. Uhh.. Don’t!

25. How long is a piece of string…depends on the trauma and the character of the person dealing with it. If they are open and seeking hp I guess that’s healthy. It will be hard to find someone with no trauma in their life but it all depends on the level and how it has affected them.

    If you can’t cope it’s ok. You don’t need to save everyone but it depends on your expectations.

26. If I’m in love, then I’m in love and trying to help my partner and myself feel better.
    It’s okay.

27. Don’t. They’ll drag you to their own kind of hell. It’s never intentional, but people who have been through a lot have twisted views and understanding of love and life. They have their internal struggles and inner demons they battle with everyday, and it’s not a winning war at times. The thoughts could get too strong, it hurts them, and they could hurt you in return. You can just love them from afar, but don’t get too close. I know, I’ve been on both ends of a relationship like this, and I’m still healing from it.

28. Don’t do it unless you want to play therapist. It will not be enjoyable as it will turn into a full time job.

29. My fiancé has PTSD from a prior abusive relationship. I had no idea of this relationship or any trauma until she told me a month into our relationship (we had been friends for years prior to that). She did a very good job at masking the trauma but in hindsight I definitely can think of some times where it explained some behavior of hers (wasn’t comfortable being with our male friends and colleagues if I wasn’t there, always texting me late at night because “she just can’t sleep”, easily startled by loud noises, I could go on). I didn’t know about any of this going into our relationship.

    She’s doing amazing now but it was a rough ride. Once she felt comfortable showing that side of herself to me I strongly suggested she go to therapy which ended up resurfacing all this trauma that she had locked in a vault which initially had the opposite effect and sent her spiraling. She refused any prescription drugs because there is a history of prescription drug abuse in her family in addition her family seeing any mental health care as a weakness. She went through a lot of alternative treatments and we went through a lot of sleepless nights and interruptions to our careers. As a partner of someone with that kind of trauma you are going to see someone you love go through awful awful things through no fault of their own. They might disassociate, shut down, lash out during an episode because the feel like the trauma is happening again.

    They need to be strong to work through it but you need to be strong to deal with that shit, help them, AND make sure you aren’t totally neglecting yourself in the process. There’s some things that I may have done differently but as hard as it was you better damn believe that I would do it all again if I had to.