What are some conflicting messages that boys receive from the media when they are growing up?

34 comments

  2. That there is some ideal of masculinity that they need to achieve/adhere to, and that society is somehow attacking or preventing them from doing this.

    You can see it in a lot of the questions on this sub.

  3. Men don’t cry and men should open up more are big ones.

    Men and women are equal but men need to pay for women and be the providers of the house.

    Men need to step up being fathers but when they do people look at them weird (have you tried going to a park with a child alone? You’ll feel more uncomfortable than you do when going bra shopping with your SO from all the looks)

  5. This isn’t exactly what you’re asking, but I think it’s still addressing the spirit of the question. I have all daughters, and this is something that really bothers me because I have to fight against it and go out of my way to teach my daughters NOT to think of boys as stupid, emotionless, automatons:

    Most media for young boys with a young male lead that’s been made in the last 25-30 years has the young boy surrounded by a diverse set of interesting and relatable characters, usually including cool girls who are smarter, stronger, funnier, etc than the lead.

    On the other hand, it seems like most media for young girls with a young girl lead that’s been made in that same time span seems to rely on the cool, competent, smart lead young girl character being surrounded by incapable, dorky, weird, stupid, goofball, loser boys who she has to tolerate, save, or at the least inspire to be better.

    It’s not universal, but I do feel like we are generally raising girls to be confident and vocal leaders, but mostly teaching boys that girls are both smarter and more capable than they are but also in need of protecting and coddling. It’s just an overcorrection from previous generations that’s probably gonna cause this generation some problems.

    This radiates out into how people talk to my daughters too. I hear adults say things to them like “boys are stupid” or things like “aren’t girls so much better than boys” ***all the time***, and I just imagine how I would feel if I was a parent to a boy who had to stand there and hear this messaging all the time about how stupid, weird, and inferior they are to the girls around them. Can you imagine if it was still considered socially acceptable to tell little boys that “well, girls are just stupid” and “boys should be in charge of everything!” but so many people think this kind of messaging is perfectly acceptable the other way around.

  6. They’ll tell you boys are nothing but trouble but expect you to be any different lol that’s not how that works.

    You wanna teach boys to be better? Show them positive examples, don’t overwhelm them with the negative. Otherwise they don’t believe in an alternative.

  7. Men should show emotion but only if that emotion in a very specific pre-approved box

  8. Don’t hit on women, they hate that.

    Also: you have to hit on women, or else you’ll be single forever.

    I was literally just in a thread posted by some poor, confused dude who doesn’t know how to get a girlfriend without online dating because he doesn’t think it’s okay to make a move outside of the bar/club.

  9. “It’s okay to be gay”

    “Why the fuck are you acting so gay?”

    Like, make up your mind society

  10. Men should open up more, but if we show any emotion other than anger, then we’re weak/less of a man/pathetic/basically any other emasculating adjective.

    Rahhhhhh equality! Women can do just as much as a man! But also men should be the sole provider and shell out exorbitant amounts of money on women to even be considered a viable partner, and our reward is that the woman is dating us.

    If we aren’t 6+ feet tall bodybuilders then we aren’t even worth considering, but we’re not allowed to have any kind of body type preference because then we’re objectifying women and only want them for their bodies.

    Women are encouraged to go on dates with multiple men in a short span of time and have no obligation to inform any of them – she’s basically just shopping around. But if a man goes on two first dates in a certain amount of time, then he’s basically scum.

  11. Also this bullshit about masculinity is bad.

    We are men, we are inherently masculine.

    Yong men should be guided to be proud of their masculinity, and at same time treat other people with respect.

  12. “Male ego is toxic and pathetic. Men are so obsessed with their image and feeling powerful and useful, especially when they aren’t as great as they think. They need to learn to step down”.

    “Why do men these days hate themselves. They’re so soft and passive. If you want to succeed in life you have to be confident. Fake it till you make it”.

    How this has always made me feel is that regardless of if I hate myself or if I’m confident, either way im a toxic male with a god complex who needs to feel important, god forbid I feel like I’m not a drain on society.

    Sometimes you’ll see a woman say a man “isn’t a real man”, and when he takes offense, many call him egotistical and possesing fragile masculinity. But if a guy said a woman “wasn’t a real woman” for lacking some feminine quality, most would regard him as a misogynistic asshole, and rightfully so.

    This confuses me further do to the “love yourself for who you are” ideals often marketd towards women. If I was vocal about how much I love myself, I’d come off as a delusional narcacist.

    It feels like men are in the wrong if they like themselves or if they hate themselves. The only way to rid yourself of the toxic male ego is to experience ego death, and lose all concept of self perception.

  13. Confusing media messages: Don’t hit on women! But also, hit on them or else you’ll be single forever. 🤔😂

  14. Men need to talk about their feelings.

    “Talks about feelings.”

    THOSE FEELINGS ARE NOT APPROVED/DON’T REALLY EXIST.

  18. Don’t take no for an answer. If she doesn’t want to go out with you, you have to show her your worth and do some big romantic gesture or just keep asking her out and be persistent.

    Also

    No means no

  19. “Don’t objectify women! But excuse me as I drool over this hunksicle!” I just have seen loads of examples of this, from groping guys and asking them to get shirtless on women’s talk shows (or something like that) . To the loads of women who drool over male characters like mad.

    “Don’t hit a female ! “ I just hear that line from time to time on videos where a man is defending himself from being physically attacked by a woman . If not that people always act so shocked or choose then to stop the fight.

    Respect women! , and all that. All the while they do the same stuff that they talk about hating to you without a second thought because all men are horrible people.

  20. May I introduce you to… idk… 365 days? and the 3 sequels (or is it 4 already)? Ok, let’s start a little less extreme maybe, so may I introduce you to… The vampire diaries? You know, the one where the girl decides to leave the guy who did everything to protect her n stuff for his brother who is simply an asshole and even says so himself. Or what about The Big Bang Theory? A show where a nerd is being exploited by a pretty girl for who knows how long before after an unimagineable amount of time spent doing literally everything for her all the time and pursuing her, they finally become a couple?

    What about literally ever romance whatever that ever existed? They all boil down to the same thing: A guy doing eeeeverything anyone could even remotely imagine to finally get the girl who doesn’t even move a finger at all and it always works out that way. Oh aand of course the guy is always rich and/or amazing looking, of course. And it’s always the guy chasing the girl, never the other way round.

    Or maybe the hyper common idea that if your bf/husband cheats or even so much as says anything you dislike, it’s totally fine to slap him? Or the fact that you can have the most obvious “she was wrong for doing X and there is no way to see it in any other way for anyone with at leats half a brain cell”-case but still it’s him who has to apologise or at the very best, they both apologise to each other.

  21. Women telling boys that talking about your feelings is good and people will help. While other men tell them not to because you’ll just be judged and shamed for how you feel

  23. Conflicting messages: Don’t hit on women, they hate that. Also, you HAVE to hit on women. Good luck, fellas!

  24. Years ago, when my parents were divorcing, and my father was getting hammered, an older woman I worked with told me it was because ” a man has to do what’s right, but a woman has to do what’s right for her ”

    It’s really stuck with me over the years.

  25. Relationships will make your life come together and will always be pleasant and sunshine and rainbows 24/7.

    Oh no. It’s lots of work on yourself, it’s lots of responsibilities, and your dreams still require you to work for what you want in life. A relationship doesn’t just… make that happen.

  26. That if we do basically fucking anything it’s somehow wrong, or offensive, or women won’t like it one way or the other.

  27. Confusing media: Don’t hit on women, they hate that. Also, you have to hit on women or be single forever. 🤷‍♂️

  28. One thing that I really have noticed within the past year is that a man’s body matters more than a woman’s does almost. I wrestle and play football so I went from a overweight 340 to a very lean 285 and I talked to more girls in that 3 or 4 month span that I think I have in all of highschool.

  29. That you need to keep all emotions internalized. Also, you don’t express your emotions enough.

  30. Boys are told to be tough, yet sensitive. It’s like being asked to be a Hulk with feelings. Incredible!

  32. Every sitcom: you need to be a modern man, and be in touch with your feelings.

    Every beer commercial: you need to work with a sledgehammer and conform to every redneck blue-collar stereotype in the world.

    —

    Every action movie: violence is an excellent solution to your problems.

    Every psychiatrist: violence is not a good solution to your problems.

  33. Boys are told to be tough yet sensitive. Be confident yet humble. And most importantly, NEVER skip leg day!

  34. Women like bad boys & Women like nice guys

    Women like it when you are openly interested & Women like it when you are cool and distant

    You need to fight the bullies & You need to ignore the bullies

    Don’t approach women & Approach women you like

    Just be yourself and be chill & Work endlessly to be perfect

    Men are supposed to be serious ans stoic & You’re too serious, joke around and have fun

    Having intellectual interests makes you interesting and valuable & Having intellectual interests makes you a boring nerd

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