I (21F) have been dating my bf (28M) for 3 years. We are in an LDR and have never met irl due to problems on our own ends; but we both are very serious and committed to each other.
He has a job, savings, and understand how adult things work. On the other hand, I am still closed off to such things. I have disabilities, and one of them is epilepsy. Apparently, my seizures are triggered by stress, so my parents do not want me to work that much. Employment is harsh, and despite me trying to find a full-time job, I am unable to. Jobs here usually are low wage/high stress jobs, or jobs that needs a lot of experience in. Paperwork here is also very complicated and difficult, so I tend to avoid it.
My bf reassured me that I can just be a housewife and do my irregular freelance work, and he will provide for me. However, I don’t want him to shoulder things alone and want to be able to support him too. My mental state and disabilities also makes me feel like I am giving him problems. I don’t want him to regret being with me and make him feel bad.
He always reassures me positively, though I don’t know if he’s just being considerate of my feelings. He tends to not be vulnerable or share his emotions much, which scares me. I told him that he can rely on me, etc. numerous times already, so I don’t want to be too pushy. It’s hard for him to express his feelings as well, so I’m scared. What should I do?
(Note abt our age gap: There was no malicious intent involved, we both assumed each others’ ages to be closer to one another; I was the one who made the first move and confessed first while he was too anxious to try to pursue me)
Tl;dr: I am a mess (disabilities + unstable freelance job) and I am afraid I would drag my bf down despite his reassurances. I don’t want him to regret being with me + it’s hard to understand his emotions sometimes. Any advice will be greatly appreciated.
2 comments
I think this is more about how you feel about yourself rather than how he sees you. Why do you think you’re not worth much just because of what you have going on in your life? You’re worth everything. Don’t discount yourself.
He’s 7 years your senior, and you started dating as an 18 year old, and you have serious medical issues which means you can’t work and are therefore physically and financially vulnerable, and your boyfriend (whom you’ve never once met in the 3 years you’ve dated) is suggesting you move to him and he’ll take care of you.
Communist parades have fewer red flags than this.