This will sound stupid but it is what it is. I randomly started talking with this girl from work in February, and we hit it off instantly. We continued texting/talking for months. We are both working remotely so we didn’t see each other a lot in person at work.
During that time i asked her out and i got ghosted. Then out of nowhere a couple of weeks later we reconnected again, both as eager as we were the first time. I fought off my pride and decided to ask her out again, only this time she said yes.
We spent 5h together and I can’t remember the last time i laughed that much. Im not sure what it was about this girl, but i felt insantly that i could fall in love so easily with her. Her eyes and her smile gets my heart pumping even now…
Based on previous chats I didn’t want to pressure her and go for the kiss. Thinking stupidly i would do that on the 2nd date, which never came.
I texted her the day after, and again i got no response. Couple of days later i get her text that says “Hey, i wanted to think about all of this before telling you anything. I truly had a lovely night with you, but i can’t find myself in this story” and that was it. I wrote some generic “Hey no worries, i had a great night too” reply and that’s it.
She told me before that she was never in love, no long term relationships and that she is very complicated when it comes to that. Hell her reason for ghosting me was that she can get like that sometimes, just pulls away. For reference she is 24 and im 28.
I had LTR’s, hell i got rejected after first dates as well before, and it never once hurt. Not like this. We talked for months before this, there was a connection there..and to not give that at least a second thought, a second date…was i truly not worth it?
I put my pride aside after that first ghosting, i fought hard and gave it my all, and honestly i got over-invested. Yet that didn’t mater at all in the end.
I keep thinking maybe if i kissed her it would be different. Hell maybe i got nervous during our date and didn’t do all the right things..i blame myself for most of it. Its been 3 weeks since that, and im still not over it. The “what if” is killing me.
Worst part is, couple of days back i hurt my hand and im in a cast currently. She knows about it, she saw it on IG and she didn’t even reach out to check in on me. Shit, that hurts too. Her turning stone cold the day after our date hurts. Me not talking to her hurts.
Sometimes i feel like i got played during all these months, sometimes i feel i messed up my chance with her..consistant battle that i can’t win no matter how hard i try.
It feels good to vent out like this. If anyone reads this i appreciate it.
8 comments
I have been in her situation. Trust me, it felt like shit for me too, to realize that the connection could not be transferred to meeting in real life. And it was damn awkward afterwards, but there was nothing to be done about it. Didn’t mean the things beforehand weren’t heartfelt. But the physical fit is apparently really really important and can’t be skipped completely
You can’t invest anywhere near this much time and energy into someone prior to actually going out
Use texting as a tool to set up a first date
Problem with texting for too long is that you create a vision in your head about the other person. Unavoidably the fictional version will clash with the real one. Not always, but maybe in this case this happened? Rejection is redirection…. You’ll find the right one. View dating as a way to get to know people if you’re looking for something long term, the only way of finding love is to get out there and look. Don’t get invested in the end result too early on.
This is why pen pals stuff does not work. You don’t know if you’re attracted to someone until you meet, and then you know VERY quickly. It’s important to meet new people early and often. Once you both know you are attracted in person, you can take your time.
She’s not interested and never was. Her lack of communication, ghosting, ignoring you, rejection all show clear signs that she isn’t interested in anything with you. If she did she wouldn’t be acting dismissive like this. And if you had kissed her it would NOT have made any difference, she wasn’t that interested from the beginning when she first ghosted you. That should have been a sign right there. She might have even not kissed you back.
Double texting her after the date when she ignored you was a bad move. It shows you are okay with her disrespecting you and that you’re putting her on a pedestal. Take her off the pedestal! She doesn’t feel the same, and the date didn’t feel great to her like it didn’t from your perspective.
It’s simple: A person that doesn’t want to lose you won’t put themselves in a position to. Please move on, this girl showed you with her actions she was never interested in you, try to notice the signs with the next person.
This sounds like a her problem. I’m sorry it happened to you. She seems very unreliable and inconsistent overall. She’s maybe not the relationship type…
Welp, it happened to me too. I texted her for months and then went on what was one of the worst first dates ever where I had to wait outside for hours in the freezing cold until she showed up and it was dark and we barely did anything then she left half an hour later.
When ppl do this they either weren’t interested or have crippling anxiety and should be working on themselves, not talking to other ppl
Well I think you should delete her off of stuff and block. Give yourself a fighting chance at a clean break.