I came across a blog that concept earlier and that seems about right. Idk how or why it is like that but it seems like life is one or the other, u either dominant or u are dominated. I bet most of us are dominated.
We like to call ourselves civilised but I think the basis is the same. Civilised just means that we have put some rules in place so it’s a little more balanced but in the end, nature is just like that. We don’t physically fight each other, but mentally, we do, everyday. Every conversation, everything people do it to test things or people around them so they can elevate themselves up that social ladder. Nobody is really empathetic, they do it because it benefits them in the end. Being seen a good human being.
One thing to prove this is just notice how a group of people at work at work. There is always that one weird coworker nobody likes, just notice how many jokes and how much teasing they get daily. The simple fact of not liking that person brings people around him higher, agreeing to not like that guy is a common ground which benefits everyone self worth. That’s the only win-win scenario. That’s gossip. All other “fair” interactions are mini fights. Even the long 2-3h conversation you had with your best friend, he just keeps mesuring yourself to you.
He will tell you about his new job, his new car that he bought. Now you have 2 choices, either validate him, talk about cars and make him like you which will increase his self worth therefor putting HIS interests above yours or fight either to beat or match him, but don’t beat him too hard if you do because he his feeling will get hurt + he might figure out that you are insecure yourself too and trying to impress him which makes him win. So the best option is really to try to match him or beat him just a tiny bit so he has to come up with something better next time. Like if maybe you travelled to some cool places. I tell you he doesn’t care, but he will pretend to care if he doesn’t have anything better in his hands at this moment, but as soon as he has the opportunity, the conversation will shift back to his focus, so you shall do the same.
Okay so what about small talk? Again no cares. They want to talk about themselves. So find a way to validate their feelings, if you don’t they will latch onto others who can. You’re at the coffee machine and ur coworker tells you about all the extra work he had to do last night? Validate his stress and put him above you or gently disprove it and make him below you. On very cases you can maybe relate and agree on being the same, but the agreement has to come from both party.
What about the one that one that tries to tease you? Again he is showing dominance, less subtle this time, so fight back or take it, validate him and put him higher on the social ladder.
I think that’s really how life works, wether we like it or not. The higher you are on the ladder, the more self esteem you will have, more respect from people, more friends more opportunies, more fun, more mates and overall more happy. But guess what? If you want to be higher you have to put as much people as you can under you.
That’s how company works also, the more a boss can get people to do the more for him, the more his can have in life. So it bound to happen. Some people will be at the bottom and that bottom is us, those with social anxiety and lower you went down, the harder it will be to go back up.
Also if someone has your back, like he is just being nice, he is just belittling you, nobody has anyones back for no reason, if they do its because they benefits in some way from ur presence, if its not for a skill you have, you can be sure you are a boost to his self worth.
In the end, social skills is just our ability to fight, like all what humans have been doing the past 60k years, fight each other.
Goodluck warriors!