What is the most valuable lesson you’ve learned from a failed relationship?

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  1. The sunk cost fallacy is not your friend. Know when to let go and stop wasting time throwing your good efforts into a black hole.

  2. In my first relationship, I spent a huge amount of time doubting whether my feelings were valid and whether I had a right to be upset at the stupid shit my ex did. I don’t do that anymore.

  4. Pay attention to what ALL of their friends and your friends think of him. Take it all in and consider all sides.

    Sometimes there’s a salty or petty person or five … sometimes people lie and some know the guy better than others – they singularly won’t provide a fair perspective. But getting a consensus can provide a better picture of who you’re getting involved with.

  5. Do not sacrifice your self worth, time or effort into someone who can’t even meet you halfway. *Trust your intuition.* You don’t always need physical proof, your gut feeling should be enough if things feel off. And if they feel off, don’t wait around to gather said proof.

  7. Don’t settle or think that you can’t have your ideal partner because you aren’t “good enough.”

  11. Trust your intuition. I’ve always known that he’s not the right one for me. But I thought loving him would change him. Well, I was changed for the better (hopefully), so that’s my takeaway from that failed marriage.

  12. If a friendship isn’t working because the person is toxic, just end it. Don’t wait until something happens to end things, just cut ties and move on.

  13. Boundaries. Boundaries. Boundaries.
    Talk about relationship expectation from early on.
    Never ignore the red flags.
    Stay away from someone who has any kind of addictions.
    Open communication and never be afraid to speak up.
    And if you have kids, do NOT introduce them until you 110% know that the relationship will weather the storm.

  15. Never gaslight yourself into thinking your concerns are the results of your anxiety. Sometimes they are real.

  18. Know when to let go. Leave when it’s one sided. Choose someone who chooses you too.

  20. Learn to pause.

    Whether joy, anger, fear, uncertainty, or sadness…take time to notice how you feel. Those early stages, the middle, the rough patches, making up, all the good strides, and ESPECIALLY the end…take time to manage your reactions to all things emotional. Be vulnerable. Be authentic. But be able to settle and be calm in the moment.

    Remember that you don’t have to say sorry if you don’t have something to regret. And if you do have a reason to be sorry, do more than apologize. Change the behavior. And don’t accept less than that from your partner, or even from your ex.

  21. Don’t “give in” to someone just because they continue to ask you out even after you initially rejected them. Especially when you’re not attracted to them at all 💀

    It’s possible that for some people, attraction can build, but it did not for me. In fact, I only became even *less* attracted as time went on.

  25. That you don’t see their true colors until the very end of the relationship. And when you see those true colors, you are stunned that that person, is the same person you just spent considerable amounts of time with.

  27. I’ve learned to love myself and that I am not someone to be merely “put up with.” I’ve also learned that there can be joy to be found when single if, with the knowledge that you are dedicated to consistent self improvement, you are content with who you are as a person.

  28. I should have heeded a piece of advice from Oprah’s O Magazine : stay away from people who start putting you down from the first meeting.

    It seems kind of “out of left field” or even harsh. Maybe that’s their way of talking?

    Never mind the rationale. The put downs will increase until you begin to doubt, and second guess yourself.

    Find someone kind, and supportive. ( Come to think about it, my mom’s advice as well!!)

  29. Trust your instincts from the beginning. It may save you fourteen years of heartache.

  31. Trust your intuition when you don’t think it’s a match. Sticking around will not improve the situation.

  33. Leave if you catch them lying. Doesn’t matter if its a small lie because small lies lead to big lies.

  35. Learned a few:

    – People can’t read your mind. If you’re upset, tell them why you’re upset, they won’t magically show up with candy and hugs and support like you see in the movies, you have to let them know.

    – Good sex won’t save your relationship, you might have amazing sexual chemistry but at the end of the day you can have awesome sex with a lot of other people

    – 90% of your problems can be solved with talking, giving a bit of space or breaking up, that’s why most advice will boil down to these 3 things. The other 10% are likely manifestations of personal problems one of the parts has and is manifesting into the relationship, such as unresolved trauma.

    – Just love isn’t enough, you need to be on the same page or at least constantly try to be, especially regarding personal values, finances, children, future career goals and a lot of other things

    – Don’t lose your individuality, go have friends, go out alone, do things alone, have hobbies, otherwise you’ll just become a boring person with nothing to bring to the table

  37. Never ever settle. Relationships take work, if they’re worth it. But they aren’t always. I’m lucky I found one that IS 🥰

  38. listen to your gut and know when to leave, no matter how much it hurts. my last relationship should’ve ended years before it actually did, and i paid the emotional price tag/lost all that time. if i hadn’t left, i wouldn’t have met my current partner who i can’t wait to marry and do life with. know your worth!

  39. Let go the moment you realise nothing you ro can make this work. The sooner the better for you.

  40. If they wanted to, they would.

    (re: working on their personal problems, being attentive to your needs, etc.)

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