So, yeah, this exactly as it sounds. My girlfriend (20 me, 19 her) asked me during foreplay to call her names, specifically slut and whore.
So, you know, I did it. When things heated up a bit more, I started whispering in her ear about how she’ll be my slut tonight or that she’s a good little whore because she did something I like.
At some point I was going down on her and she started sobbing and I’m like baby what’s up????? then she said she actually didn’t like it that I called her those things, and it wasn’t how she expected because I said it so “seriously” she felt I was actually insulting her.
Why would she ask me to verbally insult her during sex then cry because I did???????
Edit: Jesus, some of the comments are really misogynistic and weird. It’s Saturday. Chill out.
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Because she thought it would be hot but then realised she wasn’t into it and it actually hurt her feelings? I don’t see what’s so difficult to understand here. Have you never tried something in your life and during you realised it wasn’t for you?
Yeah fantasies don’t always translate to reality. You did nothing wrong though, just reassure her that you don’t have to do it ever again and you respect her and did it out of love
You know, sometimes we order the pistachio ice cream and then realize that actually, we don’t like pistachio.
Give her lots of cuddles and kisses, and reassure her that you won’t say it like that again.
She also objected a bit to your tone, so maybe say that you’re still open to finding the right dirty talk, and you should talk about what she likes more on an ongoing basis.
Sometimes, things that sound hot in fantasy don’t translate over well into reality.
I bought an entire strap-on kit because my ex said he was really into that, but when all was said and done, he noped out.
It happens. It’s nothing personal. Just go hold her and tell her you didn’t mean it and that everything is going to be fine. Do something she likes to cheer her up.
Sometimes things sound better in out head and when enacted they’re not as we hoped.next time try to communicate better what she wants and have fun.
Something similar happened with an ex of mine like 10 years ago, and I cringe to the memory even today.
When we got together– despite being so jealous that even my mentioning a former partner or female friend would send her into fits– she would often rant about her previous sex partners. She’d claim she loved rough sex, being called names, having foreign objects inserted into her, etc. None of that was really my bag. I wasn’t against it, and I was totally down to explore, I’m just more vanilla and sensual in my own preferences.
One night after coming home, after she’d recently been again talking up her kinky sex past, I engaged in light aggression. I asked if I could fuck her with the handle of a spatula, and she agreed. It felt a little weird when she did though, and that should’ve been the first sign. Then I began talking a little dirty, calling her names. Then I lightly choked her, as she’d explained enjoying in the past.
She erupted in tears, telling me she was afraid. I immediately stopped, shocked and confused. She admitted she’d lied about all of it– all of it– and she didn’t like that stuff at all.
Looking back, it was one of many similar situations where I felt she set me up to feel awful. (Long story, but, I think she enjoyed the power of lying and emotional manipulation.) The revulsion I felt for myself in that moment, despite being as careful as I could and asking her every step of the way, sticks with me.
I just wish people were more honest and sincere about what they want vs. what they don’t. It makes zero sense to me to claim one sexual preference and then double back on it after.
I hope you did a lot of after care. She tried it and she didn’t like it. Kiss and cuddle her, give her lots of reassurance
Maybe she thought she would be into it, she probably just likes it rough instead.
Name calling ain’t my thing either but I know this.
Maybe saying things like “you’ve been a bad girl” or “you’re a naughty girl” etc, is actually what she would be turned on by
There are several options.
The most straightforward option is she thought it would be hot but then realized it wasn’t for her. In that case, reassure her you respect her and that playing a role during sex isn’t real life.
Another option is that she did this because she thought *you* wanted it. People will do all sorts of things they don’t really want to do when they think their partner wants it. In that case, reassure her that you like your sex life and that that’s not something you need.
The most complicated option is that she *did* want exactly what you did *and* enjoyed it and then felt guilty or ashamed *because* she liked it. Oftentimes, the things we want and enjoy in our horny minds are gross to us when we’re no longer horny—there’s a reason most people don’t keep watching porn after they cum. If you think this is the more likely route, tread lightly. Like situation #1, let her know you respect her and that you’re just playing a role for her. Lots of hugs and aftercare. But also let her know that she’s safe with you to explore her sexuality without judgement and it’s fine to enjoy or hate anything you do. Remind her that you’re good trying something like this in the future or never speaking of it again based on what she wants.
Lastly, once things calm down, you might clarify if you said anything “wrong”. With mildly disrespectful dirty talk, it’s easy to accidentally say something that hits a nerve.
Good luck, man.
Lots of people have crazy sexy ideas in their head that sound awesome when they are horny and turned on.
Then, when they are actually done, totally opposite than what they have imagined.
It’s not her fault. It’s not your fault. It just is.
Just comfort her and explain to her that you simply did those things because they were requested and that you don’t really feel that way or believe them. It’s okay. You thought you might like something, we tried it, and you didn’t. It’s okay. Move on.
Quite simple. . .she wasn’t sure if she’d enjoy it. . .she wanted to experience it. . .she didn’t like it. . .so don’t do it again. Now that there’s a new parameter/boundary not to cross, assure her you won’t cross it. No blame to apply anywhere.
Sex isn’t something we do for a lot of the first years of our life. So… we don’t start learning it till our teens (or later) for some people. What that means is, you’ve got a lot to learn, she’s got a lot to learn. You know how you learn? By trying and doing things. You are both going to have TONS of sexual experiences in your life where you think you are going to like something, and you don’t. Or you don’t think you’ll like something, and you do. You can’t know it all going in cause you haven’t had all that many experiences. She’s learning. That’s all it is.
She wanted to try it because it sounded like she might like it and realized she didn’t. That’s okay. Show her extra love and say experimenting is just that and you won’t do it again.
It’s totally okay that she’s not into it. It’s just not her cup of tea like she thought.
It seems that she has taken issue with your delivery, but it also sounds like being called those names may be something that exists solely in a fantasy space for her. It’s totally normal to have things that you fantasise about but would never attempt in real life, whether it’s due to being unfeasible to execute, unrealistic or otherwise.
It sounds like this thing may have sounded great in a fantasy space but being actually called the thing IRL did not sit right, particularly if you haven’t previously explore that sort of dynamic before in bed. It could’ve been just your delivery, it could’ve been that reality did not meet expectation. When you try new things, sometimes you like it, sometimes you hate it.
Keep in mind as well that a menstrual cycle can really affect what turns us on too. I know personally that what I am turned on by when I am ovulating is vastly different to what turns me on when I am close to having my period- when I’m ovulating, I’ll happily be called a slut. If I’m close to my period however, it’s like “….Do NOT yell at me.”
While I wouldn’t recommend chalking this experience as hormones gonna hormone, they do affect us far more than you’d think; this may have been a thing that sounded really hot at one particular point in her cycle but hits different in another point.
My advice is to cuddle her, reassure her and then have an honest and frank conversation about how she felt during the experience and what initially appealed to her about being called those things. Please try to approach it free of judgement as it may not be the name-calling that appeals to her but something deeper. If she truly does not want this to happen again then don’t do it again, but try to cultivate a space where you both are able to talk openly and honestly about how you feel so that on the instance either of you do want to try something new, you can discuss it a bit more at length, set boundaries and hopefully have a better experience all round.
There’s an old tale from reddit on this topic. The girl asks the guy to talk dirty and mid-coitus he goes “You like the you fucking r****d?!” I think they talked about it afterwards and it turned out alright.
It was a learning experience for her. She learned she actually doesn’t like those things to be said to her. Totally normal, but upsetting! Talk to her and let her know you won’t say those things if she doesn’t want you to ever again. And the next time you have sex make it really sweet and romantic and make lots of eye contact and tell her how beautiful she is.
Ohhh if it was her first time trying it out, then two things:
1) She had no idea how it feel in the moment to hear it, so it’s understandable she changed her mind. She was curious and now realizes that’s not one of her kinks in bed!
2) It could have also been the way it was phrased and how aggressive the delivery was that can throw anyone out of the moment.
Try asking her if she wants to hear instead “good girl” or “dirty girl”. That might be a bit more tame and more appealing if she found the other phrases too much for her.
Like, “That’s my good girl…”
Or, “You dirty girl, you like that huh?”
Try stuff like that.
Sounds like the dude that posted about loving scat up until the point the girl shit in his mouth then had the dawning realisation he messed up
Oh! There’s a show called Tuca and Bertie where something similar happens. Tuca asks her bf to talk dirty to her and it triggered her memories of sexual assault and she began to cry. Not saying that that’s what happened to your gf, but sometimes, when we ask for something, it turns out that we really don’t like it after all. Just cuddle her, kiss her forehead, reassure her that you don’t think these things about her, and everyone can move on happily
I hate calling a girl names during sex. I got very excited the first time a girl asked me to, but soon realized I didn’t like it. First of all I didn’t think any of what I was saying was true, which made it hard for me to keep comming up with stuff to say. Maybe the same happened to her, she thought she’d like it, but then realized it’s not her thing.
You should do the opposite and try calling her a good girl and praising her to cheer her up, it may be the dirty talk she’s looking for
The good news is that you have a GF who’s asserting a desire to experiment and explore. Sure, she didn’t like the outcome of that particular experiment, but don’t shut down her desire to experiment by being a dick about her reaction to this one attempt.
I’d give her a genuinely appreciative kiss, call this a successful gathering of a single data point and move on to other exploration.
“It’s Saturday. Chill out.” Made me lol
She thought it would be hot, but then when the reality hit, she was more sensitive than she calculated. Her being that upset about the things you say, even when asked to, tells me that she really really values your opinion of her.
Maybe she wants to be told she’s a good girl instead?
It happens. The number of times I’ve watching something happen in porn that made me orgasm but would never want done to me or my partner is many. I’ve also tried stuff I didn’t like – swinging for example. I like it in theory but actually being in love and having sex with someone else or watching my man enjoy having sex with someone else turns out is not my thing. Turns out in practice, monogamy is where it’s at for me – the deeper connection, the trust, the individual and focused love, is what turns me on most.
Your girlfriend isn’t into it – give her praise for trying something new and the comfort of knowing you’re feeling havent changed and you don’t need that stuff to be happy.
Because she’s only 19 and trying to figure out what she likes