My 29M girlfriend 28F of 3 years who is the victim of a acid attack cheated on me over 2 years ago.

45 comments

1. That is a difficult question to answer because it depends on the situation. If the camel is in danger due to the giraffes, then the situation should be addressed in a way that is safe and protects the camel. If the camel and giraffes are living harmoniously together, then the situation may not need to be addressed.

2. she cheated, you can leave without regrets. it is that simple

3. While the acid attack is heinous and the person behind it deserves to rot in jail, it is a completely separate matter from her infidelity. In fact, one of the most common reasons women are targeted by acid attacks is because they are perceived to be promiscuous. There is a decent possibility that there are more men she is juggling apart from the one you found out about and one of them was involved in her attack.

   Her response to you finding out is also very self-serving. No apology, no giving you space, no reassurance. She went straight to excusing her behaviour, then listing out why she feels that she is entitled to your continued support despite her betrayal.

   Your first responsibility is to your own happiness, self-respect, and future. Wish her the best in recovery, but you are not responsible for it.

4. Walk away and ghost her

5. It doesn’t really matter if it is in the past for her. For you it is in the present.
   And whether or not she changed, you don’t know. Because she didn’t come clean and admit to it. You found out by yourself. And as others said, her reaction to finding out is also more self serving than anything else.

6. She cheated dude. She let someone else insert their penis inside her.

7. Maybe the cheating was at some point in the past but she lied to you every day for two years. And she would have continued to lie.

   She hasn’t changed, she’s not an honest or loyal person. Just walk away.

8. You can feel bad for her and care about her acid attack but still leave because cheating is a dealbreaker for you. They are two separate things

9. Go ahead leave dawg

10. “I’ve changed as a person” that doesn’t matter when she robbed you of the chance to make the decision for yourself whether to stay or go. Regardless of who she’s become, she didn’t tell you the truth, still doesn’t want to take full accountability because of it, and I’m sending that she’s emotionally manipulating you to be her support bc she needs/wants it right now. It’s not fair to you at all, and she doesn’t care that it isn’t fair.

11. A camel has a giraffe? I have no idea what kind of crazy desert shit that is supposed to be. You okay?

    As for your girlfriend, the cheating is separate from the acid and recovery. I guess my question is, was the cheating after you were exclusive? Has she discussed what she was thinking or what happened?

12. You can feel sympathy for her and what she’s going through after the attack and not sacrifice your own well-being. She cheated, and that’s that. You don’t have to stay because of what she’s currently going through. Make the best decision for you.

13. Best advice anyone can give: get some space, give it time, & when your blood ain’t boiling so much try to give yourself an honest answer to the question, “can I ever trust her again?”. You’ll know what to do.

    That kind of trauma is enough to change a person, but.. it also doesn’t have to be relevant here.

14. She cheated, respect yourself enough to leave

15. Your gf isn’t sorry she cheated. She’s sorry she got caught.

    If she was sorry about cheating, then you would’ve known about it 2 years ago. If you hadn’t found out, she was never going to say anything about it.

    If someone is willing to cheat on you, they’re not going to change for you.

16. She took away your freedom of choice and lied to your face for years. Dump her, no need to feel guilty. And make sure to tell your friends why before she makes herself the victim and ruins your social life.

17. >> If a camel has giraffes and giraffes is that then what should someone do about that?

    What does that mean?

18. She cheated, she then lied about it for 2 years, and she didnt seem to take you serious about it till you were about to leave. Sorry man but she has no respect for you at all, i promise that if you stay you will regret it. Dump her you can find better

19. Tell her good, you’re glad she changed. Maybe she will treat her next bf better.

20. Leave my man, she’s love bombing you knowing the challenges ahead.

21. Someone’s been watching too much Coronation Street

22. Well, Kevin, if a camel has giraffes and giraffes, then it’s definitely time to join the circus! As for your situation, it sounds like a tough spot. It’s important to prioritize your own happiness and decide what’s best for you.

23. Who is to say that’s the only time?

    Saying it was a long time ago is irrelevant. Why did she do it? How many more are there? What else do you not know?

24. Leave. It’s almost impossible to gain the trust back.

    Make sure that it’s known that it is the reason y’all broke off to everyone y’all know, because it can easily be perceived that you’re leaving her due to what happened to her face.

25. Just leave.

    And what’s the stuff about the camel and giraffes?

26. FYM Giraffes? I’m hella confused

27. Bro, it doesn’t matter if she’s paralyzed from the neck down, she broke your trust and you deserve someone who won’t lie or cheat.

28. You just never know when your skeletons are going to come tumbling out of your closet, and you’ll have to pay for your decisions. She just found out.

    You don’t have to feel any regret, and you should not feel conflicted. She hasn’t been love bombing you and trying to make up for what she did from back when it happened, which means she only regrets it now because she got caught, not because it happened.

29. What does an acid attack have to do with the fact that she cheated on you? Break off the relationship now while you still can and move on

30. Yes exactly, you need to separate how you feel about being cheated on and the “pity” you feel for her getting attacked.

    She got hurt and you feel bad for her. But that doesn’t dismiss how you can’t look past the cheating.

31. She’s in a vulnerable state and is trying to hold on to what she has because she’s afraid of what the future holds. While people can change, it’s difficult to trust someone who thinks they’ve already lost alot and aren’t willing to lose anymore. Given the relationship is only a few years old and you’re not married, it would be wise to walk away.

32. You can pity her, and her acid attack situation, but she was never honest with you? How can you move forward from that? How can you trust? Ask yourself those questions. She never told you, and you found out later in the relationship because of your gut instinct to check. Imagine if you hadn’t found out. She wouldn’t have came clean it seems like. My thing is, if someone can lie to you once, and cheat on you once, they’ll lie again, and cheat again. It’s okay to have empathy for her being attacked. But it doesn’t mean you should have to love her after being cheated on. Some people are sick and get pleasure from hurting others emotionally. Leave while you can.

33. If she has changed so much, how come she didn’t come clean about the cheating by herself?? She sounds like the same kind of selfish that cheat on their partner.

34. Man I feel for you, this is a really tricky situation.
    It’s really disappointing you had to find out that way.
    If you’ve been together this long, maybe give it time and see if things heal. Before this revelation, how did you feel about her and your relationship?
    Sometimes people plain and simply make mistakes, we can’t change them once they’ve been made. It’s also hard because, do you really want to leave her in this fragile state? Maybe just wait ’til this heightened situation has cooled off so you can make a more informed decision.

35. Cheating is a deal breaker for me regardless of the other person’s personal issues.

36. You have 2 things to do now.

    1- Considering the betrayal/cheating I would advise you to leave the relationship, ofcourse I don’t think she might cheat again given the circumstance but If you decide to continue this relationship then her past will just eat you up for the rest of your life and you shouldn’t have to deal with counseling and all for the sake of keeping it together if she didn’t to begin with.

    2- Given your relationship and affection to her, you can continue to help her out from anywhere between 3 mins to 3 weeks max and then let her go. It’s not necessary, but if she’s all alone, then as another human being, you can keep her company. But bear in mind if you need to be mentally strong not to fall for her excuse no matter how genuine it is.

    Just remember, as soon as you guys started to date and became official, that was it. She should have respected the relationship and broken up if she felt things weren’t working out before pursuing other guys.

    Sorry to hear about her. may she recover soon

37. What the hell kind of desert wisdom were you trying to pass on with the camels and giraffes???

38. What happened to her is awful. I can’t even imagine. That said, it has absolutely zero relevance to the fact she cheated on you and whether or not you should leave.

39. OP, if she had sex with someone else early in the relationship, was that before you two decided to be exclusive? I can see her seeing someone else and then ultimately choosing you.

    Another thought: Does her injury freak you out and cause you to not want to be with her? No judgment from me. I don’t know if I at 29 could choose to be with someone who was disfigured and I know that sounds shallow but it has to be something that bothers you to some extent at least.

    But I think you should be honest with yourself about whether you are using what you found on her phone as an excuse to leave her when you really want to leave her anyway because of her injuries. Again, no judgment. The cheating alone is enough of a reason but does the disfigurement play into it?

40. What is the last sentence?

41. Please check your motivation. Is it because she slept with a guy early in your relationship or because her”face has melted off. “ Dealing with sudden disfigurement is challenging for you both but I believe the right therapist could help each of you. A qualified therapist could also help you work through infidelity. I suggest you see an Imago Relationship Therapist.

42. You better drop her. Now that she’s in need she’s a new woman 😂. No actions have consequences and if she wasn’t scarred could she cheat again? Do you wanna take care of a cheater who is scarred for the rest of your life? Rip the band aid off break up block and keep evidence of her cheating if she tries to ruin your reputation then post the proof on socials . Either way she’s not your issue anymore.

43. The fuck do camels and giraffes have to do with anything?

44. I’m just gonna assume you’re looking for a way out after this Acid attack and this was a bombshell that solidifies it

45. I may be the odd one out but I think I need more context here.
    How “early on”? Were you on a break/going through a rocky time, or happy and in love?
    Were you established or had the boundary been set yet?
    I don’t condone cheating, but I do think there are circumstances that can be fuzzy.
    If you had only been dating a couple months and were breaking up or still in your “wild phases” not committing to anything serious, I think it warrants consideration.
    I’m not saying it’s always the case.. but sometimes people can view things differently if commitment is fuzzy.
    Was she shitty before the attack/you finding out or was she always a good girlfriend? The love bombing could be out of fear of losing you due to something she did when she was young and unsure (if that’s what you guys were at the time) and I don’t think (love bombing) is a bad thing in that case, it’s understandable. I’m also curious what prompted you to go through her phone in the first place.. was she acting suspicious in other ways or something?