Hi all. First time posting here, so not sure if this is the correct sub.
As the title suggests, I think my coworker (34F) has a crush on me. So the other day, she texted me asking to go to a food market (or a place where you can buy food from different corners of the world and listen to live music). I love that place as I can try different types of food and it’s next to a river so the view is nice. Anyway, when she texted me, I thought, “I like that place and I’ve nothing on why not.” Anyway, during the evening, she makes physical contact (nothing inappropriate, just touching my arm and hands)a lot (I don’t return the gesture) and today she pulled me aside to ask if I wanted to go mini golfing in a couple of weeks time. I said, sure, as it’s fun thing for friends to do. As I’m fully booked the next couple of weekends, we agreed to decide on a time later. I believe the mini golf it will be just the 2 of us like it was at the food market.
The thing is nr1. We work together, not only that but I’m the unofficial head of my department as I’ve the most experience and I’m seen as the leader and the guy with the answers. So it will be a conflict of interest.
Nr 2. I don’t find her attractive and honestly a little bit annoying.
I’m usually in the opposite position, asking women out on dates who aren’t attracted to me, so I’m unsure of how to handle this. Or I’m I just imaginating it?
7 comments
Maybe ask her what her intentions are?
Is she looking for a relationship with you?
Is she trying to hook up with you?
That’s when you can say I don’t have romantic or sexual interests in you but I do enjoy your company and (if you want to be friends) would be interested in continuing to build this friendship. Otherwise just say maybe we should stop spending time together 1 on 1.
Don’t hang out nor interact with her. Use the excuse sorry i have a rule about dating coworkers or whatever.
Navigating feelings and potential romantic situations in the workplace can be delicate. Here are a few suggestions on how to handle your situation:
1. Evaluate your feelings: It’s essential to be honest with yourself about your lack of attraction and your feelings of annoyance. Recognizing your own emotions is the first step in finding a suitable approach.
2. Maintain professionalism: As the unofficial head of your department, it’s important to prioritize maintaining a professional environment at work. Be mindful of maintaining boundaries and avoid engaging in any actions or conversations that could be misconstrued.
3. Clarify intentions: If you feel comfortable doing so, it might be helpful to have an open and honest conversation with your coworker. Kindly express that you enjoy her company as a friend but that you are not interested in pursuing a romantic relationship. Clear communication can help establish boundaries and avoid misunderstandings.
4. Seek support: If the situation becomes challenging to manage, consider seeking guidance from a trusted colleague, mentor, or HR representative. They can provide you with advice tailored to your workplace dynamics and help navigate any potential conflicts of interest.
Remember, it’s important to handle these situations with kindness, empathy, and respect for your coworker’s feelings while maintaining professionalism in the workplace.
Why do you keep saying yes to hang out with someone you find annoying?
She may or may not have a crush on you—–believe it or not sometimes people really just want to hang out as friends—-so you can’t and shouldn’t say anything about not being attracted to her (you shouldn’t ever tell anyone that, there are a million better reasons to give that don’t hurt as much) nor should you say you don’t date coworkers because you’ll make a total fool of yourself if you say that and she has zero interest in you.
Just stop hanging out with her 1 on 1. That way she doesn’t get the wrong idea (in case she does have a crush on you) and you don’t have to be annoyed by her.
Right now you’re the one who keeps saying yes. You can stop perpetuating this by just saying no or making excuses why you’re busy
Just be cordial, but set firm boundaries. Don’t do anything personal.
You need to specifically and vocally set the boundaries, esp in the position of authority you are in at work. This could be a career killer. Absolutely tell her you do not date coworkers. Sooner than later. Also, since you are pretty sure she is into you for more than just friends, you are kinda leading her on so it’s best to nip it in the bud asap for her feelings sake as well.
Thanks for all the advice, everyone.
From what I read, I’ll be cordial and friendly and ask her what her intentions are. Hopefully, I read the situation wrong, and she wants to be friends. If not, I’ll explain how our rolls would make it inappropriate and how I would rather us remain friends and set some boundaries.