Why do successful people who are seen as inspirational characters so often hide the fact that they had a leg-up in life through rich parents?

43 comments

1. It makes their story and preachings much less inspirational. Getting paid to give a speech on your rise to success is much less interesting if you just say “have a rich family”. I’m also not sure they outright hide it, you found it out pretty easily, it just doesn’t form part of their “story” that they tell.

2. They don’t want to destroy the myth that they achieved it all on their own and through their hard work…

3. Confirmation bias. It’s like Taylor Swift telling young people to follow their dreams of being a musician no matter what, because that was her lived experience and she happened to be in the 0.001% of people that it paid off for. I don’t even really think it’s disingenuous of them because all of them probably did work really hard, they’re just ignorant of the fact that hard work doesn’t usually pay off without a massive network of support, connections and money.

4. The Jacob Rees Mogg mindset. If all these poor people had invested the inheritance their grandparents left them they wouldn’t have to live in council houses, it’s their own fault!

5. For some of them it probably doesn’t feel like privilege because it’s all they ever knew.

   They went to school, worked hard, got a job at dad’s friend’s company, worked up the ranks.

   Except it was an expensive private school, dad’s friend is a millionaire and their starting position was a higher wage than most people will ever get in their lifetime. From their perspective it wasn’t handed to them, they worked for it. From our perspective that’s obviously nonsense.

6. Because these people literally sell life advice, giving people any understanding that it’s all based off of coming from a rich family would not sell very much.

7. Because they know full well that they will no longer be viewed as inspirational. There’s nothing especially inspirational about having a huge leg-up from your parents.

   They want praise and adulation. Also THEY want to believe they did it on their own. So they often rewrite shit in their brains so they can feel more accomplished.

8. Sadly those that make it from ‘ground level’ to ‘great achievements’ are pretty thin on the ground.

   Alan Sugar did start from a fairly low base to achieve his fortune.

   His father was a tailor in Hackney, and they lived in a council house.

   He left school at 16.

   He started selling car aerials from the back of a van and his first company was AMS Trading (Alan Michael Sugar). The rest is history.

9. I think some don’t even realise they got a leg up in life, they really are that detached. Everyone they know had the same privileges as them so they don’t see it as a leg up. Others definitely do see it but their ego won’t let them admit it publicly. When your whole personality is based on status and success you can’t admit it might all of been luck.

   I think that’s why the same people who preach the ‘just work hard and you’ll be successful’ mantra, are often the same people who look down on the ‘new money’ people. They know that person is the real deal and actually did do it on their own.

10. It happens at every level, people want to believe, and want you to believe, that they have what they have because they’re better than you…

11. Same reason Lady Gaga peddled herself as poorer than she was early in her career. They want to seem like us but they aren’t.

12. There’s a superb cartoon about this by the Pencilsword from 2015:
    https://www.rnz.co.nz/news/the-wireless/373065/the-pencilsword-on-a-plate

13. Because of the myth of meritocracy:
    https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myth_of_meritocracy#:~:text=Racism-,The%20myth%20of%20meritocracy%20has%20been%20identified%20by%20scholars%20as,if%20they%20work%20hard%20enough.

14. It justifies their position (“anyone can do it”) and upholds the status quo.

15. I think that generally no one asks them about it for a start.

    I agree with others that there is a mentality that helps that many of them simply don’t understand. Even if their parents have not directly given them a lot of money, you cannot understand the difference in mentality when you have wealthy parents to fall back on if it all goes wrong compared to if you have no one.

    I went to uni with a guy who came from a much wealthier background than I did- parents sent him £200 a week to keep him going (back in the early 00’s). He invested a load of money and ran his own internet business on the side. I remember a £15k investment opportunity coming up somewhere in Japan, can’t remember what it was. He was excitedly telling me about the risks and opportunities. I don’t know where he got the money from; he was entrepreneurial so it’s possible he actually accrued it himself. He described the risks in terms of “it’s money I can afford to lose”.

    That was the mentality. I didn’t have even 10% of that behind me and what little I had was all I had in the world and all I was getting. I wasn’t bad off, but if things went wrong for me the very best I could count on was a roof over my head and that wasn’t guarenteed.

    My old friend is probably very wealthy now (no probably about it actually) and he has probably earned it all himself from his boldness, his entrepreneurship and his hard work. But knowing that the consequences of failure are virtually non existent because parents are wealthy and can/will support you in a decent lifestyle no matter what, makes a huge difference. The confidence and boldness that safety net gives is probably the single biggest difference between middle and working class.

    I don’t think you can appreciate that difference unless you haven’t had it. And like I say, I don’t think many ever get asked about it

16. No one got rich being honest right.

    Not making it about me but I had an unstable childhood from the age of 16.

    I had to adult over night. I had no choice other than work and fuck education.

    People underestimate the gift of a base.

    I had to save up 2 years just to resit my GCSEs. Sitting in an exam at 24 with a load of teenagers is fucking embarrassing. Despite getting the grades, I couldn’t go to uni as i simply couldn’t afford it.

    So now in my early 30s I’m just as fucked as I was 17 years ago.

17. Because it keeps the “plebs” in check. Tell them enough that you got where you are through hard work, dedication, and absolutely no help from others, and they’ll keep working even when they’re getting nowhere.

    A good fake example keeps people complacent and exploitable.

18. This video (https://youtu.be/bJ8Kq1wucsk) is a ted talk by Paul Piff who is a social psychologist talking about a study that he did that I feel gives an insight into this question.

    As a person’s level of wealth increase, feelings of entitlement and deservedness also increase.

    So they don’t particularly see the help they received in the beginning to be an important factor to their success.

19. The rags to riches concept is a load of outdated garbage. Whether the successful people had an advantage or not. There are people still way beyond a realistic chance of becoming a musician or actor etc and still trying to break though. Everyone should have a fallback.

    Recently a lot of failed footballers are speaking out. The academys start at such a young age and by the time they’re 15 they probably hardly bother with their GCSEs and without much of a notice they can just have a rejected contract renewal, all those dreams shattered instantly and no idea how to recover.

    Everyone needs a fallback. Especially when they’re chasing a career in which a very select few make it

20. Because otherwise they wouldn’t be able to sell you the “secret formula to success” and capitalise on their fake rags to riches story.

21. So basically nepotism masquerading as meritocracy.

22. Malcolm Gladwell covered this, and more, exceptionally well in his book, Outliers. It’s a very good read. He exposes this phenomena in self help/entrepreneurs/guru books.

23. Because everyone does it. Somebody always has it worse. You always have more privilege than others. And nobody believes that all their struggles and effort didn’t have any impact on their life.

24. Because this country already has a problem with people that do well for themselves, why give everyone more ammunition

25. Because that would require them to acknowledge that their success is not solely due to their brilliance, and that they significantly benefited from background/privilege?

    Alternatively, because they grew up around people with a similar background, who haven’t done the things they have done, so they don’t see a connection

26. Depends on how success is defined. For the vast majority of the world’s population, simply having a rough idea where tomorrow’s food is coming from would be a success.

    Pretty much everyone on this thread is likely to be in the top 10%-15% richest people on the planet simply by having the good fortune of being born into a wealthy Western economy.

    Someone living in an Indian slum would look at the average redditor and conclude that they’ve had everything handed to them on a plate 😀 and yet the average redditor would claim that they’ve had to work for everything they have, whilst ignoring the level of social security, infrastructure, free education, free healthcare and law and order that has given them a massive advantage over most of the rest of the world……

    In other words, we would all like to think that we’ve pulled ourselves up by our bootstraps, but in reality, we have all had a massive leg up.

27. Because then they’d have to acknowledge we live in a vastly uneven society, which they happened to benefit from by chance.

28. I genuinely believe some of them have no awareness of it, I’ve come across some interviews where some bollywood star was asked about it and she was genuinely offended and upset. Because to her she’s worked hard, but couldn’t see that hard work alone doesn’t get you where she is.

    For others, I think they know but they like the admiration they get for being seen as self made so they hide it.

    I just hate that a lot of young people take things at face value and don’t realise that with a lot of these people, they didn’t have rags to ritches stories. A lot of them either had money, or were middle class with a decent support network and/or connections.

29. I went to a seminar for entrepreneurs, and their main guest speaker legitimately spoke for an hour about his successes following use of a “small investment” from his own savings of around £1 million. He didn’t see it. He didn’t realise that most of us in the room would never hope to have that kind of money, even after working our whole lives. Privilege blinds us sometimes.

30. A lot actor/music/artists come from a position of privilege. I personally know people like this. I didn’t realise it till I meet/worked for their parents.

    When I’m interested in famous, I check their background and more often than on. They come from a position of privilege. I’m not saying they didn’t work hard to achieve their success.

31. partly because if they admitted that, they wouldn’t seem so impressive, (especially to themselves) and partly because most don’t actually realise how big a leg up they’ve had

32. Many good points made already, I’ll add something controversial, it makes them come off as even more sanctimonious that they already do.

    If someone says: “I worked hard and made it to the top” and they you learn their parents have wikipedia pages, it’s a bit like “Fine, sure you got a leg up” and then you move on

    However, if someone says: “Of course, I worked very hard, but we live in a system that meant I benefited from the entrenched wealth inequalities inherent in capitalism”, it feels even worse. Like, you couldn’t do what I do even if you tried because of course, you’re too poor.

    We want these people to be aspirational, because exposing the system leaves a bad taste in everyone’s mouths.

    See for example the reaction to Jameela Jamil posting: “My skin is currently clear because:
    “A) Privileged people have more access to good quality nutrition and also our lives are significantly less stressful than the lives of those with less privilege. I also get to sleep more because of this. All of these things keep my hormones in balance and I’m able to address food tolerances easily.
    “B) I believe that trans rights are human rights.
    “C) I exfoliate twice a week.”

    She’s calling out her privilege, but it does nothing to remove it, she’s still got great skin and now she’s rich, and it feels kinda braggy.

33. I think that Stella McCartney is an example of this- not particularly talented ( her designs look like something from a Marshall Ward catalogue from the 1970’s), but everyone gushes about them ( literally the Emperor’s new clothes), just because of her famous father.
    Jealous? You bet- I’ve got more talent in my little finger, but without a famous connection, it’s very difficult to make a success in the Arts….

34. Seeing a lot of ‘rags to riches stories are a load of bollocks’ comments.
    Duncan Bannatyne’s story is pretty close to the perfect example isn’t it? https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duncan_Bannatyne

35. 100% agree. UK video production here. I see tons of people trying to do video production, movies etc… and so many fail. Contacts and financial backing are the foundation that allow talent, hard work and knowledge to flourish.

    I started in my 40s so this helped a lot because I had a little money and a few contacts plus some knowledge. In reality, rags to riches stories are genuinely extremely rare and I don’t believe most of the ones I see.

    In part, because I’ve created a couple of them (on video) for customers and I know the people I was shooting had tremendous parental backing! Makes for a great marketing story, though and helps them sell more.

36. IMO they don’t even need a leg up, even a cushion is enough. The knowledge you can try, fail and not end up homeless/in crippling debt is often enough. The ability to not worry about rent/mortgage/bills for a year or two whilst you get it off the ground would be enough for nearly anyone to make a good go of it.

37. Richard Branson was the same. It was years later during a documentary that he admitted he had all types of ideas and ventures his parents supported, but he kept going bust. The 8th or 9th time when they bailed him out & he saw his mother break down in tears (I think he’d gotten arrested for someorvthe other), he realised the next venture would have to succeed or that was it (think his dad told him as much). Lucky for him, Virgin Records was successful.
    But yeah, it’d be nice if they admitted it from day one.

38. A lot of the time it’s a difference in perspective, many people born in to wealth and advantages just don’t see the advantages they’ve been given, and as such have a hard time understanding why people can’t simply do the things they did.

39. Because it’s less inspirational to find out the winner of the 100m started at the 10m line.

40. I was howling at a guardian sports reporter describing his “struggling family” growing up in West London.

    Quick check, yes, he went to a very, very expensive private school. Of course.

41. I remember this coming up before when Kirsty off of Kirsty & Phil was complaining about young people with their Netflix & gym memberships not being able to afford a house when back when she was young her treats were cinema and a lipstick once a month so she could save – completely leaving out that despite that her father *bought her* her first house outright!

    It’s lazy journalism to not call it out there & then in my view & just makes people feel bad about themselves.

42. The owner of BrewDog , James Watt always claimed the business was scraping by and they lived on a tight budget. Turns out his Dad is a very wealthy fishing business owner and although didn’t invest in the business at first I imagine his wealth was used as collateral for when they bought their first bar. I always wondered how a company who were completely broke but won a small contract with Tesco could afford such a risky investment. He’s always claimed he was successful from hard work and yes he more than likely is but he had the luxury of taking a risk few good and I imagine admitting that just takes away that “self made” ethos.

43. I like that Arnold will not allow people to call him a “self made man” and says that he only got to where he is because of his friends and business partners who helped him over the years