my(27f) sex drive has always been high and I’ve always datedothers who were on the same level sexually. I’m bi and am very free in the bedroom . I mean I’m not into everything but I’m very open minded. I enjoy / admire women’s bodies as men do. Women are goddesses.
My gf(32f) is great but she has little to no sex drive . I love her but idk how long I can manage. I’m not forcing anything and I’m trying to wait around for her . We have sex once a month … it’s miserable. I’ve brought it up and she says it isn’t me she just doesn’t feel have sexual feelings. Idk what to do with that honestly . Even after the talks it’s still not happening. I’ve tried giving her space, wearing sexy things, helping out more than usual, I’ve just been doing everything extra to get her to come around and it’s not there . Also, she doesn’t like to be touched as much and rarely gets turned on….I will never cheat but I’m not gonna lie the temptations are there. Usually I just try to pleasure myself but it’s not the same. I need connection and passion. Is sex worth breaking up over ??
2 comments
Would she be interested in watching you masturbate? That was sometimes a fun way for my ex who also wasn’t that into sex could be intimate with me while I still got off 😇
A couple with different sex drives is very common but that difference can be hard to resolve without a ton of work, patience, and most importantly, **mutual commitment.**
Keep in mind: in most cases, it’s neither person’s “fault” that their libidos are the way they are. Libidos often can and will change over the course of a relationship (let alone lifetime) and the odds that two people will always be in synch are really low.
So what can you do?
Establish how important sex actually is to both of you in the context of your relationship, i.e. you ask “do we both agree we want sex and sexual intimacy to be a core part of our relationship?”
Let’s say you both agree “yes, sex is important to us.” So the next step is for the two of you to talk through, “what can we do together to create a fulfilling sex life that doesn’t starve one person or flood the other?”
Basically, you start to figure out what realistic compromises look like. There can be all kinds of things couples can try out but just so there’s no illusions here, the goal isn’t for each of you to get 100% of what you want, it’s to find a middle ground that sustains your relationship in a meaningful way.
And again, it’s not just about “how often do we have sex?” even though that’s an easily quantifiable mark. Sexual intimacy can be achieved through various approaches that aren’t just about PIV or oral or whatever. If both of you are in this together, then you can get creative with thinking about what other kinds of intimacy may help keep that spark alive without it being the same kinds of sex you typically have.
This all starts with agreeing to work on this as a couple. If the two of you can’t agree on that, well, that’s a pretty irreconcilable difference. Most couples would break up over that realization. Some might explore non-monogamy. Far too many “stick it out” in misery, resentment and loneliness. These are possibilities that people have to take seriously once they realize they and their partners do not share the same priorities regarding sexual intimacy in their relationship.
For folks in your situation, I also highly recommend “[the dead bedroom repair manual](https://www.amazon.com/Dead-Bedroom-Repair-Manual-comprehensive-ebook/dp/B08M3WL3XJ)” by Melody Parker, who is a psychologist that gathered a lot of her information on couples, dealing with sexual mismatches, by being on Reddit!