My bf (26M) and I (26F) are generally well and I definitely plan to marry him one day. This issue isn’t something worth breaking up over but it’s really annoying me and has finally resorted to me posting on reddit (a platform I very rarely visit, much less post). I have told him on several occasions that if he were to touch my boobs, to avoid focusing in on my nipples. Some girls find it nice, I find it painful. I don’t mind the boob play and what not but I do not like my nipples singled out, it’s what I imagine pinching testicles must feel like. I have told him from the beginning of our relationship and to this day, several years later, he still does it. It feels like he is not respecting my boundaries and my own comfort level. Am I overreating or is this something that I should just deal with? Should I be expecting myself to be upset about it ever couple months for the rest of my life as it is ‘a part of relationships to put up with their flaws and work with them’?
Tl;dr: I am getting increasingly annoyed at him, should I just deal with it
5 comments
Fuck no. You should t deal with it. Tell him he’s cut off until he respects you.
Too bad for him tho. It’s obvious he loves it.
No compromise van be made? There’s no kind of contact that works? If not, then shut the door on that shit asap.
You should absolutely deal with it. Do you trust him to listen to you, and trust that he’s sexually ignorant on this? If you feel safe proceeding, and if you trust that he’ll respect your limits, I would have a non-sexual sit down and explain to him in detail like you have here how it’s too much, it’s extremely painful, and that it can’t happen anymore.
The important thing right now is that he backs off from what he’s doing and takes you seriously, so you really don’t want to soften your words on that. I highly suggest you use a blunt approach. Tell him “When you do that, you are hurting me.” Tell him he can’t try things out, and it needs to stop. Tell him you don’t consent to it.
Where you might have trouble communicating is if you like some things in that area but not others. That’s something you’ll probably have to show him and practice, since he can’t know your sensitivity in real time and that’s something he’ll have to learn. However I wouldn’t do this until you feel respected, safe, and see him abiding by your limits.
If it ever happens again and he’s trying to break your limit, get out of the situation immediately. Say no. Stop the encounter however you can. And treat it like a consent violation. It should be the most important thing to him to protect your limits when you’re trusting him to have sex with you.
When you have the talk, remember that you are not wrong for doing so. Hopefully he will respond with genuine care, will say he’s sorry, and will show he’s going to listen to you. But you can’t control if he doesn’t do that. If he acts defensively or handles it poorly, that is not your fault. Your stance needs to be to expect him to respect your limits for your own safety and well-being. This isn’t just important for this one thing. It’s important for your entire sexual future together.
You’re not over-reacting in that it’s your right to be upset by your body being touched in ways you don’t like. The best-case scenario is that he doesn’t understand what you mean by “not focusing on my nipples.” It sounds like you’re stating these preferences in times outside of the bedroom. But when you’re the moment, do you tell him where/how you prefer to be touched, or not touched?
He knows how you feel. He doesn’t care. This will not get better
>I have told him from the beginning of our relationship and to this day, several years later, he still does it.
Because what he wants matters more than what you need. That’s what he’s showing you.