Hello, everyone.

I have not dated in over 4 years, I honestly just gave up on dating. Every time I find myself in a relationship that seems to be going well and then the table turns and their true colors come to light! Maybe I am not dateable, maybe it’s an Ohio thing, who knows.

33 comments

  1. Good men choose good women.

    All the women I see that complain “there’s no good men”, are typically not good women themselves.

  2. We are out there working and going home early to sleep because we have more work to do the next day.

  3. Hiding in my hotel room cause I haven’t slept properly in 2 days.

    For a more serious answer to your question OP many good men tend to just stick with their lives and their routines. So say he works 8-5 he is just working, then maybe he goes to the gym thats’s all he does exercise, then he leaves and goes home (to cook food and eat), depending on how hard his day was he might watch something, listen to music, play an instrument, read a book, have some interesting build something hobby or play games. Otherwise he will probably just go to sleep. So if that’s the routine and we’re a species of habit where does he find the time to go out and meet you?

    That’s a tough one, what’s even tougher is you knowing he exists…

    Does that clarify it a little?

    In other words and I am generalising a little bit but many good men don’t hang out at bars/clubs. So you won’t find them there

  5. I think all good just left the field for the bad boys, I believe that most good men have the same view and opinions as you OP..

  7. We got our hearts trampled on one time too many and decided to opt out.

  8. So I’m not necessarily directing this just at you, but just kind of people asking this question in general because I see this pretty often on here.

    To be nakedly honest, these questions always kind of leave me puzzled as a dude. The question posed is: Where are these elusive good men?

    The statistics show that there are literally more single men now than ever before and unless you believe that the vast majority of them are shit heads (I’m not saying you do) then I really have to wonder what your criteria is in your selection process, how many men you are completely disqualifying from your dating pool, and what your reasons are for that. To clarify, I’m not saying pickiness is a bad thing, you absolutely should be! I’m just saying I’ve encountered many women in real life who pose the same question as you but will also “get the ick” from guys for the most arbitrary reasons.

    Assuming you’re using OLD apps, you’ve probably swiped left on wayyyyy more guys than you’ve swiped right on, which is understandable, women are vastly outnumbered on those apps. But chances are that there are probably some gems hidden in those left swipes. This isn’t meant to shame you for swiping left but I’m just illustrating that there are a lot of guys who want something genuine. They just, for one reason or another, struggle to get women’s attention and remain utterly invisible.

  9. As a guy that IS a good man (yes, I am), we are here and out there, but the “good” women often look over or through us until they decide they finally want to settle down (or get fed up with the nonsense they got themselves into). You make it seem as though there aren’t any good men, when there are plenty around you, you just likely ignore them.

  10. They are all very busy being either: good friends, good coworkers, good housemates, good partners, good professionals, good landlords or good volunteers.

    Many with zero spare time & close to physical exhaustion because they are all of the above and much more.

    It sounds like you need to change your dealbreakers, dating habits and explore some new venues instead of relying on those that you have generally relied upon in the past to find dates.

    Good luck!

  11. tbh think I’m pretty good but I’m disillusioned with the whole dating scene. taking what may end up being a permanent break bc it’s just not seeming worth it anymore.

  12. Good men are out there. As are good women. I’ve found that OLD has made people more transactional in the dating world. People are reduced to two dimensional that can be swiped left or right on. Another unfortunate phenomenon is “rostering” of potential dates. So many people have multiple other potential dates engaged so that they have several back ups.

    This probably sounds bitter but I’m not. I just have come to realize that it is the reality today. We aren’t in the age of going on a date through a friend and then seeing how it works out. It’s too easy now to say “no spark” or find one “flaw” and ghost a person because there is another one they have waiting.

  13. Frankly, I’m guessing you ignore the quiet guy at work who is to afraid to ask you out. Or the guy at the grocery store who wanted so much to walk up to you and start a conversation about choices of breakfast cereal.

    I was that quiet guy who didnt marry until I was 30 and my wife 32. Been married for 26 years with 2 kids, a dog, and a big mortgage.

    So I suggest getting yourself out there. Also wear a tshirt with something on it that will spark a conversation. Find a singles group.

  15. Depends what your defintion of good is. There are definitely men out there that would be good husbands and fathers.

  16. I get annoyed at these questions because I haven’t dated in nearly 7 years. I have many female friends who are always saying what a good guy I am but when I ask why women don’t want to date me I can’t really get a solid answer. I even had one friend tell me I am way too nice.

    Like what the actual fuck?

  17. 28M here, I hate the idea of a self proclaimed “good man.”

    The last girl I spoke to told me that “I treat women amazingly,” “helped her get her confidence back after the abuse she received from her previous relationship” and a bunch of other stuff that makes me feel like I’m a “good man.” But all it took was me telling her that my libido isn’t the highest (like 1 to 2 times a week is enough for me) and all of a sudden I was not a “good man.” Or I guess, not a good man in her eyes.

    My female friends tell me that I’m one of the “rare good men” who know how to treat women with respect and all the other basic qualifiers. Still haven’t had success in the dating world as one of these “rare good men.” All it’s led to is helping others find their confidence and being a self proclaimed “trainer boyfriend.” A lot of my exes go on to meet their forever man after me and get married.

    Now taking applications!

  18. Are they hiding or is it that they don’t appear to stand out as they’re generally not cold approaching women.

  19. We’re definitely hiding from the apps since none of us seem to have much luck lol

  20. I’m hiding cause I feel unwanted and unattractive, good way to save yourself from pain and depression from rejections

  24. We hide really well. We are at work, at home, or enjoying our hobbies. It’s the best hiding spot ever, in plain sight.

  25. I mean, you’re the common denominator. Chances are you want a good man *in theory*, but in practice you don’t chose them. What’s more likely, every good man out there is hiding from you – or you only chose to date bad men?

  26. They’re living their lives like normal people, if you’re having a hard time finding love then maybe you should take a break on it and see what you need to work on, whether it’s working on your self, standards, or just working.

  27. There are lots of good men out here. Anytime somebody makes a statement like this, asking why there aren’t any good men, or where all the good men are, and then relates how all of their experiences with men have been bad, they forget one thing:

    It’s the men that you are CHOOSING that are that way. You need to maybe do some counseling and figure out what you’re trying to validate in yourself that leads you to choose men who behave that way. You are the only common denominator in all of those relationships.

  28. The good ones probably get run off of dating apps and give up just like you are now.

  29. Probably home like me, cuz dating fucking sucks. I’ll be 50 next year and I give up. Not interested in ever dating again

  30. You hid them all in your friend zone. Lol just kidding. I would take a look at what attracted you to those guys to begin with. See if you can identify any red flags you may have overlooked.

  31. I’ve been single ten years. We all struggle with mental health and timing The good men are married. The rest of us find friendship where we can.

  32. Evidently I don’t count as a good man. The evidence being, I’m still single. No one talks to me. I give my phone number to someone every once in a while and never hear anything. I match with someone on apps like once every 2-3 months and the conversations last literally 2 messages and then they’re silent for weeks or pretty often, they just block me.

    People tell me to get out of the house and go put myself out there. Don’t just use apps. So I did that. Then they told me I was stalking girls and trying too hard. What the hell am I supposed to do? Sit in the middle of the mall all by myself and wait for someone to approach me? What a massive waste of time. Even if it yields results, I have more important things to do than sit in a public place and almost literally fish for girls. If I’m going to put myself out there, I’m going to make an effort to approach people.

    You wanna know where all the good men are hiding? Probably right in front of you.

  33. Got ruined by a shit woman and unwilling to put ourselves into vulnerable positions where we are easily hurt

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