I have recently found myself feeling very lonely on the weekends (my days off) as this is normally when my partner is working. My partner will work away for most of the weekend and sometimes mid week until the end of the weekend.
This has always been our pattern and we have always tried to make the most of our evenings. Plus during the off season and occasional weekends/booked holiday we get to see one another. But as we have now been together just over 2 years comfortability has crept in.
For context we don’t like together. It is something on the cards and we’ve discussed but with the current housing and rent markets something we are sitting back and observing. This is not an issue but our current pattern does make me think “oh god, if we do move in together I am going to constantly be in my own”. This isn’t a major issue but adds context to where we are currently.
What I struggle with is that my love language is physical touch and time (which of course in this scenario is difficult!). I can acknowledge that I also have a slightly anxious attachment style and being left on read for example can trigger some awful feelings of rejection for me. But these are feelings I acknowledge and certainly do not project on to my partner (maybe internally in my brain as this post shows, but I tend to process internally and realise I’m being ridiculous). I have discussed these anxious attachment feelings with my partner, not for them to action or do anything about but to just to share and be honest about how I process feelings sometimes.
What I’m really struggling with at the moment is when my partner is away, I feel like I’m am the one initiating the texts to maintain that bit of contact. Which is fine, he does also text me back but sometimes not much or short answers (I totally get this, as he is working!). But this is important to me as sometimes I want to feel missed or wanted, as in real peak periods of his work we may only see each one evening (for about 4/5 hours before going to sleep). So sometimes with the toxicity of WhatsApp last read or online I can feel really disheartened that my “I miss you” or “I love you” is left on read for a long time. Even if I got one text a day, outside of the working hours, expressing he missed me (without me initiating) would probably make me feel a little more wanted.
Then when he is back from work at the beginning of the week, it is then the start of my 9-5. For a while I was always the one pushing to see him more than one evening, or planning little dates (cinema, drinks, dinner) for our evenings. But it got to a point I felt I was always the one pushing/planning, so I took a backseat to see where it would go. Now it’ll always be an evening at one of ours, watching films. But even then I feel I want to spend more time with him but he is happy with one evening a week. I get his time is limited with working away, needing to run errands, see friends and such, but I just don’t feel like a priority or special anymore.
To note he is very caring, kind and generous. I just feel like I’m still holding that spark and excitement from early on in the relationship (that he did have). Whereas, I feel for him I’m just convenient now.
I’m not even sure what I am looking for here, probably just to vent and get some ideas about how not to feel lonely on the weekend. I know some of this is probably down to my anxious attachment style, I try keep busy and see friends and make plans but I guess I just want to be in my feels right now.
(Sorry if this is very long and makes no sense, my phone was lagging so much and retyping any of it would have taken hours).
TL;DR – just feeling a little lonely in my relationship and like I’m not special to my partner at the moment. Part of the issue is our patterns are so opposite we have no quality time.