I (23f) met my boyfriend (19m) about 3 months ago at a nightclub. We hit it off instantly and everything about our relationship is perfect, we love and respect each other a lot and we communicate well.
We both love big nights out and usually go clubbing once a week. Every time we’ve been out, men have approached me pretty constantly, both when I’m on my own getting a drink and when I’m actually with my bf on the dance floor. My bf is protective but he handles these situations well, and just politely lets the other guys know who he is. If he’s ever not there I just tell the men myself that I’m not available and they usually leave me alone. It will happen 5/10 times most nights we go out drinking and some guys have been persistent and tried to escalate the situation but when that happens I just take my bf and walk away.
Last week, my bf confided that he can find it quite emotionally difficult, challenging these men. He said he still loves going out with me, and that he knows I’m attractive and that men will approach me but that it can still be pretty tough on him. I guess because I’m so used to it I sort of desensitised myself to how frustrating it can be to just be hit on and harassed all night, but this is pretty new to him as he doesn’t have many female friends and he never went clubbing with his ex.
I sympathise hugely and asked if I could do anything to help. He said he loves who I am and how I act, and he doesn’t want me to change that for this. I suggested dressing more conservatively (though I don’t really wear anything crazy revealing anyway, I’m just curvy so clothes instantly look more sexual on me) and he said he didn’t want me to do that. He said he just needed to vent to me for a bit and that I didn’t need to change anything. However, I want him to enjoy our nights out as much as I do and I don’t want this to cause issues down the line.
I’m hoping you guys can help advise me on how to lessen the effects this has on him. I don’t really want to change how I dress or look, and we’re usually pretty affectionate and close in public, and I’m definitely not approaching or encouraging these other guys. Have any of you been in a similar situation, and if so, how did you and your partner overcome it? Thank you!
tl;dr men keep approaching me at nightclubs and its taking its toll on my bf. How can I make this easier for him?
3 comments
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It sounds like you two communicate very well and are both handling it like adults which is great. He said he doesn’t want you to change at all and likes the way you are but just needed to vent a little, so don’t change. Be you, that’s who he likes. I get his frustration, having to bay away guys all night does take a toll but if you continue to make sure all guys that approach are told you are not available like you do currently, it sounds like you are doing the right thing. Just keep that up and always be conscious of how he perceives the interaction
Why continue putting yourselves into situations where you both, 100% know is going to always be a problem?