Yesterday my mom and my dad met my boyfriend. I thought it went decently well. The conversation flowed nicely. My boyfriend was polite. Everything seemed fine. We had went out to a restaurant and afterwards my boyfriend and I went somewhere while my parents went home. After getting home, my mom tells me she is “very disappointed” because she does not like my boyfriend’s appearance. She said she imagined him much differently and more handsome and thinks I should break up with him. I think he’s handsome and I am attracted to him so I don’t think this is any of her business at all. He’s also not an objectively bad looking guy, she just has unrealistic expectations where she expects guys I date to look like aquaman or something. She said he’s a nice person but I am way out of his league and that she does not support us together. My boyfriend and I were just starting to get serious – we are going on a 2 week long trip soon together and I feel hurt and sad that my mom does not like my boyfriend. I don’t know what to do.
28 comments
Well, your mom is lucky she’s not the one dating him then. You’re right, it’s none of her business if she doesn’t find him attractive. That should only matter to you since you’re the one dating him. Also, your mom is shallow as all hell.
I understand her point, my mom also is behind my back for having a boyfriend in the « same league » as me. However, your bf shouldn’t please her visually, he should please YOU (I hope you understand what I meant). Discuss it with her, do you have a close relationship (almost like friends) ? She should be more concerned about what your bf brings you emotionally, his support, his love then how he looks…
Wow, that is just awful. Sorry but your mum is incredibly shallow. Literally the only thing that matters is that’s he’s a nice person and that you are happy.
Does your mom want to have a threesome or something? Why does she have to think that your bfs are hot? That’s weird af.
Just ignore her and enjoy your trip.
Does he make you happy? Is he a good man? These are the only things that matter. Looks fade. A Man/Woman with a good heart and your best interest at hand will not. “Behind every so called beautiful person, is a bleeding heart that is sick of their shit!”
My husbands mother said these things about me because I’m ALT. Guess who he married? Guess who we don’t talk to anymore? Yeah. Lol. Do you boo boo.
Seriously? If you’re going to be ruled by your mothers view of potential husband/life partners all your life you may as well get her to chose your husband from an arranged marriage site.
What you do? You ignore her. You tell her you love him and are happy and he’s the man you want to be with.
You’re an adult.
I don’t think you need to do anything. You like him and that’s what’s important. Your mom will just have to build a bridge and get over it.
It’s o.k to feel a little disappointed that your mom doesn’t like your boyfriend, but try not to dwell. You know she’s being shallow and wrong. Just ignore it and don’t turn it into a thing in your head.
Good job your mum isn’t dating him then.
From the title I thought this was going to be because he has tattoos or something, but no. Your mum sounds really hard work. This won’t be the only boundary she crosses with you. Good luck.
Good thing your mom isn’t dating him then! Tell your shallow mother that you care more about his character and how he treats you and others rather than his appearance. Continue dating him if he is a good guy, treats you well, and is caring then you do you! Let mom worry about dad and stay out of your relationship. You are an adult after all! Go on your vacation and enjoy yourself and your time with your guy!
Stop looking to moms approval to live YOUR LIFE!! That’s what you do! Mom has her life and is living it! You’re just starting out, you will find what’s right for YOU in life by making decisions on your own. In life we mess up, make mistakes, we laugh, we cry and we learn. Mom should guide you but NOT control your choices. Shame on her for saying she doesn’t approve of your relationship over his appearance. 🙄Smh
Tell your mom to fuck off and mind her own business.
You should ask your mom if you get a say about who you fall in love with. This might even be a smoke screen and she disapproves for another reason, talk to your dad, try and find out if there is something else, some other more shallow or materialistic reason.
Your mom sounds like a low iq individual
I am guessing this is not the first time your mom has had an opinion on aspects of your life that are none of her business.
You can ignore it and if she brings it up again tell her it’s weird and shallow for her to speak like that and that this topic is off limits and not being it up again.
Or you can tell her that you found it disappointing that she made such a comment and that you will not tolerate that kind of talk again. Out a hard boundary in place and move on and be happy with your BF
Your mom sounds very shallow and immature. She’s how old and hasn’t come to the conclusion that you judge someone based on the content of their character and not their looks? So she’s essentially saying she wants you dating someone who’s more handsome but disregarding the fact that you like him, are attracted to him, and he’s a nice guy? She sounds ridiculous. She should be happy and supportive.
You’re becoming an adult and the time to start setting boundaries has come. The sooner you can do this with family they better off you will be. You’re allowed to be upset and offended by what she said about the person you care about. You need to tell her how she made you feel and tell her to keep her opinions to herself unless she feels like you’re being deceived or in some kind of danger.
Your mom is extremely shallow. Ignore her ridiculous comments and enjoy your happy relationship.
You tell your mom to stuff it. She’s not the one dating him and her living vicariously through you is gross.
I mean maybe she’s just trying to translate other concerns about his lifestyle or the fact he’s older or keeping you down or something. I’d talk to her and find out what the real problem is
Just a warning: you will probably need to stand up to your mother for him. Since you are family, and your mother has strong feelings against him, it is your place to defend him against your mother if she gets nasty. It wouldn’t be fair to your boyfriend to have to defend himself.
I thought this was going to be about clothes or piercings or something. Your shallow mom can politely fuck off.
As long as you are attracted to him, both in a general sense and sexually, then his looks meet the base requirements for your relationship. She doesn’t have to date him, and if he treats you well and meets your needs then she really doesn’t have a say.
You are 20. Act like it.
I was with a guy for 2 years as a teenager my mum wasn’t keen on him, thought he was ugly (said he reminded her of the honey monster haha) and that I could do better however she did not tell me any of this until after we broke up because she knew who I dated was my choice and not hers, so OP you do what makes you happy is not about your mum xx
My mom used to do this too. She was a sweet lady, but she hovered a lot and no man I brought around was ever good enough. One was too short and she didn’t like his fashion, the second didn’t make enough eye contact with her, the third wasn’t from our culture etc. She also tried to set me up with random men I had nothing in common with, that fit her dating criteria (i.e. handsome & a churchgoer, that’s it – he could be a serial killer as long as he was handsome & went to church!) You really do need to gently ask her to back off and let you conduct your own adult relationships at some point. In my experience, if he’s really compatible with you and treats you right, she’ll come around to him eventually.
Who cares if she likes him or not. You don’t need her support.