Reuniting with the one that got away after a decade

This is a long story which I’ll try my best to summarize. This story is mine and mine only—my opinions, my perceptions. To be honest, I wish I knew what he thought; it would have helped.

Almost eleven years ago, I fell in love with this guy who was also very much into me. We had so many things in common, and the spark and love were there — needless to say, we had a bright future together. However, at such a young age, I admit I was incredibly immature, insecure, and indecisive, which led me to lose him.

In no time, he found another girl but kept me sort of in the loop. He became nasty and took advantage of my vulnerability, regret, and love for him. For almost three solid years, I couldn’t get over him. I thought of everything I had done wrong, and as a result, it made me lose all love for myself.

Almost five years after those incidents, he broke up with his then-girlfriend, and randomly on my birthday, he decided to text me. We continued a conversation. I tried to get some closure, but it didn’t happen.

Many years passed again, and he had a new girlfriend of many years. Honestly, by then, I was already over him and had no bad blood. I saw him occasionally, but rarely due to mutual friends and at parties. Nothing ever happened, and in reality, he was an asshole — he would not say hi and was plain rude. It always made me incredibly mad because it was so unnecessary.

A few weeks ago, I learned that he had broken up with his girlfriend. A long time ago, I had given up any hope of a reunion/closure with him. Fast forward to last weekend; I saw him for the first time in a while. The conversation is flowing, we have things in common, he is showing interest, and at some point, he asks me to stay with him and the rest of the group instead of going to a dinner I had (btw the dinner was nothing special). I decide to stay. We keep drinking, and early on, it is undeniable that it is there and that it has always been there the spark.

In my opinion, we ended up having a wonderful night. We had dinner, and drinks, went dancing, and just plainly had fun. That night he ended up staying with me, and I was astonished by the events. I couldn’t believe that I was there with him. It felt like a full-circle moment. While he slept most peacefully, I stared at him and felt all kinds of emotions — from happiness to excitement to pure anxiety about what was next. That morning we hung out for a bit before he left, and it was weird. While leaving, he said thank you, and I’ll text you. Of course, given that I’ve had some experiences with men, I did not believe him.

He has not texted me, and I do not expect him to do so. It has been an emotional roller coaster, given that I feel like I got some closure, but it still is a bittersweet moment of what it could have been. It is hard, given that to me, he has always been the one that got away.

I always had this feeling that he would come back. I always felt this tension between us whenever we did see each other, and the way he behaved around me (being an asshole) was a clear sign of the unfinished business between us. I know the best thing for me is to move on and look forward, and that is what I am doing and will continue to do, but is it so bad that I really want him to come back and at least give it another shot at something?

Any thoughts/advice? Thank you for taking the time to read this.