Lack of sex drive and the effects that has on a relationship

8 comments

1. Totally depends on the man and the strength of the relationship.

   Personally, if my husband was impacted by a low libido or the impact of medication, I’d find ways to cope. I have plenty of toys and an Internet connection – I’d be fine for at least a few years.

   If all physical touch was off the table, It’d be more difficult, but our relationship is strong and we’d cope. There are outlets that we could grant eachother if that were to happen.

2. I can tell you it will really screw a marriage up. Especially if you let it go on for a long time… Like 18 years or something.

3. Depends on the man but for me physical intimacy is foundational to my relationships including the need to feel desired and emotionally connected. Without it we’re just roommates. In a long term committed relationship I would do everything I could to work through the underlying issues with my partner. I can’t put a specific time frame on how long I could sustain the relationship without regular intimacy but eventually time would run out if my needs weren’t being met.

4. Depends on how much sex the male partner desires. If the partners are matched in their sex drives, that’s usually a good thing.

5. Define partner, Wife/SO or just a GF. Either way, no intimacy is a problem and has a big negative effect in the long term. Short term, we’re all willing to help.

6. Depends on the man and the relationship, of course.

   But a HUGE factor is ensuring that if there’s no sexual intimacy, there is at least physical and emotional intimacy in its place. And to understand and be sympathetic to the fact that for most people it really sucks to have a partner who won’t/can’t be sexually intimate in any way. Show that the partner is appreciated and respected.

   You don’t owe anyone sex, of course, but when sex is a normal part of the relationship and then goes away, it’s important to understand that there are a LOT of implications there, about being happy in the relationship, or wanting to be with the person anymore. It’s critical to counteract that inevitable cloud that will hang over the relationship with good communication and effort to show closeness in other ways.

7. Very

8. What stage is the relationship in? Married, dating?

   If it’s a long-term relationship of over 1-2 years and all of a sudden, one partner informs the other that they no longer want sex, that’s a bit of a blindside. I’d want to know what is driving that. If it’s something like “you just aren’t attractive to me anymore,” then that could be a good reason for ending the relationship.

   Now, if we’re a few dates in, and someone communicates that due to something like sexual abuse / trauma, they want to remain asexual, that’s different. To me, that’s not a blindside. At that point, you’re setting expectations for the relationship, and the other person can make a decision on whether they can live with that.

   So context matters alot here. If it’s “I’m tired of fucking you…but I still like your paycheck”, that’s completely different from “I’ve experienced trauma…and I don’t think I can ever enjoy sex again”.

   Edit….to me, this is about intimacy. I can envision a relationship with intimacy but no sex. I can also envision a relationship with sex, but no intimacy. If you’re simply lying there while your partner is “using” you, that’s not any kind of connection. That sounds awful…and as a man, I’d rather have no sex than that kind of sex. Intimacy is a must in my relationship…but that can exist outside of sex.

   Honestly, 100 different answers here given how broad the question is.