Hi everyone
So my boyfriend and I have been together for about 4 1/2 months, which, short time I know, but we moved very fast in the relationship, with him dropping the L word very soon on and already talking about a house and marriage. When we met, I was going through a very down point in my life where I felt directionless and lonely, and I think we both got caught up in the newness and excitement of it all. Now that i’m slowing us down and the rose colored glasses are coming off, and i’m at a much healthier point in my life right now where I’ve found a job that I love and I feel confident in myself, i’m starting to more and more pick up on hints that he isn’t the right one. It was getting to a point where when we were together I would find myself more and more annoyed at certain things, and there are also some values that we have stark disagreements on. The problem is that there isn’t anything he did wrong, he’s a very sweet guy who cares deeply, and I enjoy the things we do together. But I just have these gut feelings that I’ve been pushing down and ignoring to the point where I just can’t ignore them any longer, which I don’t feel is fair for either of us. For about two weeks now we’ve been on a “break”, and he wants us to be together, but I don’t think I do. I’m afraid i’ll have regrets though, but I feel like that’s more so because i have this intense guilt of not wanting to hurt him, especially since i’ve been on the other end of this situation before in a past relationship. And I don’t want to prolong the “break” and give him false hope, because that’s cruel and unfair. I just can’t ignore these gut feelings that this isn’t right though, feelings that I struggle to find the exact right words for. How should I navigate this?
TLDR: I (24f) think i want to break up with my boyfriend (25m) of 4 1/2 months, but i’m afraid i’ll regret it because he is very sweet and a great guy, but I’ve been having doubts and gut feelings for weeks, but i’m also afraid that i’m staying out of guilt
12 comments
If it’s not “yes,” it’s “no.” Applies to a lot of things in life and this is one of them. You’ve already gotten to a break at 4.5 months. At this point even if you’re on the fence I think the decision is pretty much all but made.
It’s only been a few months and you’re already on a break and second-guessing the whole relationship. I think your gut is telling you very clearly that this relationship isn’t right for you.
He doesn’t have to have done anything “wrong” for you to decide he’s not right for you. And him being a great guy doesn’t mean he’s the one for you.
He will be hurt, that’s inevitable. And you may regret it if you end things, but it seems unlikely – you’re already regretting being in the relationship right now, so make the choice that is right for you now
Sorry if my wording in this seems very messy. like I said, i’m struggling to put these feelings into the correct words, which probably ends up sounding very rambly
You can’t do whatever you want, if you aren’t comfortable in the relationship then break up.
But you haven’t really given us that many reasons why you would want this, just some disagreements.
It honestly looks that you got with him in a low point in your life, he helped you get better and now that you are in a more comfortable position you are giving him the boot.
Trust your gut, break up with him. You deserve a partner you’re sure about & he deserves a partner who’s sure about him.
Do you both a favor and dump him for good.
“The problem is that there isn’t anything he did wrong” you don’t have to do something wrong for a relationship to end. If you are unhappy then you move on. Sticking around and forcing it only ends up hurting you both.
A relationship can fail without either party being in the wrong. Sometimes the chemistry isn’t there even though both of you are terrific people.
It feels like I’ve written this. I relate to every, i mean literally, every single word of yours. I too feel extremely guilty of hurting him and I am still dating him, but it feels wrong. I just cannot get myself to break up with him because of 1. The guilt of hurting him 2. The fear that i might never find someone like him. He really is the most genuine, caring and loving guy I’ve met so far. Every single day i fight with these thoughts and unable to arrive at a decision. My own indecisiveness kills me. Idk what to do. I’ve messed up my mental health.
I went through this and kinda still am. I think we just need to trust our gut instinct.
Any regrets you have will be only temporary. You will forget about him in time and meet new and interesting people and this will all seem so small and so long ago.
Listen to your gut.
If you have stark disagreements on values, that’s well beyond “gut feelings” about this. A partnership won’t survive when there are deep disagreements on foundational values. It’s not cruel to end a very short relationship, before it becomes even more entrenched. You’re both only in your mid 20s and have decades of life to enjoy with someone you’re more compatible with.
Pease don’t sugarcoat that you clearly used him and now want to toss him aside. It’s just a matter of time before you leave him. DO IT NOW!!!