i’m 20, never had sex, and grew up in a pretty strict household. sex was considered a bad thing and i grew up with that thinking. i feel shamed for being interested in wanting to have sex. i feel like doing it would change who i am as a person and make me a whore or slut or whatever. i’m worried about losing my virginity to my boyfriend and then breaking up and then having a body count. i feel like my worth and value would decrease. maybe people would look at me differently if they knew i was doing this? i don’t think this way for others though, just myself. i know it’s normal and pretty much most couples do it and there are good parts about it, but i only see the negatives. i always told myself i just wasn’t ready because i was still living with my mom and not in a position to take care of a kid if pregnancy did occur, but now i just moved out on my own and i take care of all my bills like an actual adult. i think that was just an excuse i was telling myself back then because i still feel the same way!!1!1!1! this just seems like a step i can’t take. idk. im also scared to death of pregnancy. birth controls like the pill and iud’s can mess up your body, condoms can break, plan b’s can fail. like…. i think i’m just gonna die a virgin at this point. i’m already in therapy for a totally unrelated topic but i’m way too embarrassed to talk to her about this lol.
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>i’m already in therapy for a totally unrelated topic but i’m way too embarrassed to talk to her about this lol.
You have a possible solution at your disposal, just talk to them about it and it might turn out to be helpful. And also get to having conversations with sex positive people so that you could get your doubts, fears, beliefs and other things clarified and get to know more about the positive and real facts about sex and sex related things. Take baby steps and it’s not long before you achieve what you set out for.
People control each other with shame. You have to do what you want regardless. This is your life and you make it to look yours. If you want sex do it. people talk that being virgin is so great, that is the hype part. Virgins have no idea what they do, usually sex hurts at the beginning. And after many tries and learning the ropes, sex becames better. So don’t expect that first times are mind blowing, other than it is a new intimate thing that is exciting. Never do anything you don’t want to. But try to see what is your need and what is just beliefs that are given to you. I respect the partner i’m with and even that she might have a body count, it has made her the person i love.
Being vulnerable is difficult. I recommend you keep going with therapy but also start journaling. Once you get these thoughts out of your head and onto paper it’s easier to examine them.