Sorry if the title is confusing. Basically I am not skinny, I know a lot of men in my state prefer skinny women so just to not to attract the wrong man I have 2 pictures of my body, a posed one and a candid one. The problem is although I’m not skinny I’m also not fat, my body is curvy as in I have a smaller waist, big hips and big butt, and I always seem to attract men who are only interested in hooking up or men who only think i’m pretty with a nice body instead of going for my personality. This has happened several times where I go on a several dates with men and the only thing they ever comment on is my body. It makes me uncomfortable and insecure about my personality. How do I sort out who’s interested in my body v my personality? And is there a way to not even include a body pic or is that a bad idea?
ETA: are you guys making fun of me with this t-shirt thing? so many people have commented it
38 comments
Tell them you keep sex only behind committed relationships. That will weed them out real fast
Ok, what is on your profile besides photos? Do you have any interests or hobbies? Anything whatsoever that indicates you have preferences or an inner monologue?
Focus on the rest of your profile. Then don’t accept a date request unless it’s clear they paid attention to some aspect of it.
The issue is most likely the type of guys that YOURE choosing because most men don’t act like that
How do you fix that? No clue🤷♂️
The bait on your hook determines what you catch.
I would leave the date the second they start talking about your body. You aren’t an object and if they’re going to objectify you, tell them you’re not that person and leave. Don’t agree to meet anyone if they say something about your appearance that you don’t like.
I always go for reverse catfishing, I upload my uglier/fatter photos
Men are attracted to curves. You can’t stop that.
Hmm, maybe I’ll just wear a t-shirt that says ‘My personality’s banging’!
Let them know my body is a temple guarded by commitment! 💪
Who needs a personal ad when you’ve got commitment and a locked chastity belt? 😄
Say you have two legs and two arms. That’s usually a good start
u being insecure bout this is a part of ur personality, u should work on it
Sorry to hear that. It’s definitely not you that’s the problem. As a man I get this in different ways. I feel like it’s status and money for men. Just gotta weed out the ones that aren’t worth your time is all
Wtf you’re actually complaining about how hot you are? Jesus this reminds of those people who are like “ughhh it sucks that I own 5 mansions!”
Ah, the body I wish I had. Must be nice…
On a real though, if I had your body and men were only commenting on it, I would simply dip out of the date then let him know later that I want someone who can recognize that I have a lot to offer other than my body. Double down on that, if he asked you to come back to his place or for a hook up and you refused.
I don’t think there’s a clear-cut way. But your screening process can be refined to: chat for a bit, face pic, meet up, gauge how he responds to your overall appearance as the date goes along.
Does he listen and interact and genuinely consider your opinions and takes an interest in what you have to say while voicing his own well thought opinions? Or does he pretend to listen to you while smiling and nodding as his eyes check you out before giving some sort of shallow response before changing the subject back to you?
I’d say try to get into some intelligent conversation a bit more often than usual after the small talk period, if you haven’t already. You have the beauty but I think it’s important you show your brain off a bit more so men know that they’re not dealing with the usual pretty types.
If he pushes for a hook up, you already got some good advice (sex only in committed relationships or take it a step further and say you’re waiting to get married. Weeds them out super fast.)
People say this is due to Online Dating and it’s natural shallow-ness.
I disagree. I think it’s due to the Tinder-ification of online dating.
Years ago with Match and especially OKCupid, there were long profile sections, and people were basically expected to read them. OKCupid in particular had hundreds and hundreds of questions you could answer, and they gave people a pretty good idea of who you are.
Today, people swipe profiles in a few seconds, often not looking at the profile at all. Because it’s so photo focused, you’re going to have more focus on your looks/body.
that’s just the way it is until someone invents something better.
Post pictures of you doing things that show your personality. My dating profile includes me making pasta, swimming in a spring, biking, playing music. People ask me about those things instead of my body. Except the creeps, that just happens sometimes.
Why don’t you just go on a diet and then get men who don’t consider you a sex symbol?
Or, how about this…do not go on dating apps, where all the men are looking for nothing but a hookup with women who look like their mommy.
Maybe compare it to an actress who has a similar build to you or just send a PG-13 picture
Just unmatch with anyone who seems overly focused on complimenting my looks.
Like, an initial compliment to break the ice and start a conversation is fine, but if they just keep focusing on looks, and steering the conversation back to that, or making it sexual, then I just end the conversation and unmatch.
There is no real way to weed them out without a conversation. Reading profiles can give *some* indication though. I tend to swipe left on shirtless pics, pics while laying in bed, only
gym selfies (one is fine as long as there are other pics as well) those who haven’t actually filled out a profile, or anyone with a checklist – especially if it’s negative.
I look for genuine profiles that have been thought out, with clear pictures that show what they look like. Then I decide if I’d be compatible with the things they say they are looking for.
Asking more questions before going on dates.
Video call date if want to save time, for basic greet and Sus and filter out quicker.
Put your pics out there, just no bikini, or opened body parts.
Also weed them out at the chatting stage.
Comments, compliments on the body – out.
Calling you baby, sweety right away – out.
Offering to meet up the same day of matching – out.
Asking out after a few messages – out.
Asking for the phone number right away – out.
Profile says short term Relationship, still figuring it out, not sure yet – out.
There are very few decent men out there, unfortunately.
It is like sifting through tons of dirt looking for a little nugget of gold.
Well, it seems like your body has become the star of the show! Maybe you could wear a sign that says Caution: Beware of my killer personality! That should do the trick.
I highly doubt your sooo specific body type is the reason guys want to fuck 🙄
Well, if pictures aren’t doing the trick, maybe try wearing a sign that says, Interested in my personality? Inquire within!
All of us on online get this to some degree. Its not your specific body. Overweight, skinny, old, young, busty, flat, curvy, athletic and all in between. It doesn’t matter. Keep your body photo on there to weed out the guys who don’t like curvy or you will waste even more time.
Hey! I would include a full body pic with modest attire that is a little bit more flared where your curves are. Maybe with you doing an activity, or something to make it less like “this is what my body is like.”
With that said, I think regardless though a lot of men are super raunchy in online dating. So, even doing everything right it will probably happen at least sometimes. Use it more like a filter if people start acting up because that works well to find men who aren’t like that.
When I was still single I always had this problem (similar body type it sounds). The only thing that really worked for me was not having sex right away. If they just want sex they generally won’t waste more than two dates trying, so if you make it past a third date it’s likely they’re interested in more. Definitely frustrating, but even when I told men I was looking for commitment they’d just lie to my face and try to get me drunk.
Hard to say, as there are lots of variables.
The right man for you will respect your values and expectations , and will show you that through their actions.
You could say on your dates, after a certain amount of time like the second or third, that you need to be comfortable with someone and know them before committing to deeper physical intimacy.
Be honest and true to yourself and what you want, and don’t compromise.
Good luck, and I hope this helps 🙂
This has nothing to do with your body and everything to do with the men you’re dating!
I get it’s hard for women to find a man that appreciates all of you (body, mind and soul if you believe in that sort of thing) but we men that want a partner that we can love for all they are do exist.
I’m one of them and I’m literally Invisible to women, no one takes a second glance at me yet over and over again i here, see, read about women’s bad experiences with bad men.
I can’t really give you advice I guess but I do wish you the best.✌️
If there’s stuff u don’t like about yr body maybe u should consider working out. Even if it’s just every now and then. It’ll make u more confident too.
Well, with your fabulous curves, it’s hard not to attract some attention! Maybe try wearing a sign that says, Looking for a deep connection, not just for my curves! Good luck!
Well, if you really want to sort them out, try wearing a t-shirt that says My personality is amazing! As for the pics, maybe a pic of your favorite book instead?
Get off online. Real people meet other real people in real life.
Maybe try the speed dating thing? Ive always dressed modestly but ya know, men have urges.
It sounds like you want a man who dates like a woman. They’re out there, but they usually get married fairly quick, and stay married.
I feel you. I have the same problem too. Never thought I would one day want to hide the body I once felt so beautiful in.
Well, if you’re looking for someone to appreciate your personality, I suggest wearing a t-shirt that says My personality is curvier than my body! That should do the trick!