So, I (24f) am in a long distance relationship with my bf (24f). We started having sex just before he joined the military after highschool, but due to us not really being around each other alot, we dont get alot of chances to explore that stuff (each others firsts, so pretty inexperienced). My problem is PIV still hurts. Mostly just at the beginning, but boy does it hurt alot. After a while of taking it slow it ends up being alright, but Im never like ‘oh WOW’ and Ive never been able to finish (with him, fine by myself) even with alot of foreplay. This bothers me alot, though my boyfriend keeps telling me over and over that we dont have to do anything if Im nervous and that its not important to him.
Obviously I want to have good sex with him, and despite him telling me its okay I feel terrible, like somethings wrong with me. Realistically, I think the problem is inexperience and nerves. I cant imagine me getting in my head so much over this is helping the situation. Mostly looking for advice on ways to relax myself, maybe turn off my brain a little. Certain positions are more uncomfortable than others, were still trying to adjust with pillows under hips, new positions, etc. Any thoughts are appreciated (yes we use lube we stopped trying without it years ago lol)
4 comments
In terms of pain, when we first start it feels like Im being ripped from the inside. That feeling doesnt last, we just take it very slow to give myself time to stretch(?) a little and adjust accordingly. Im assuming that is inexperience causing that. However, some positions are not comfortable even after we get past the initial ouch. Missionary, for example, is a no (which is tragic IMO). Its like a huge uncomfortable pressure when hes inside, and I feel like Im going to piss myself. Ive heard some women report that sensation leading up to finishing, but its not built up to it. The pressure starts as soon as the sex does and stops immediately as soon as he pulls out. I am just at a loss, how do I fix this
More foreplay, with increasing amount of fingers.
Some women can’t climax from piv, try rubbing your clit during piv.
I have the same problem! Went to my gyno, and she said it’s because my hymen is very thick. Maybe you have the same thing? Some hymens are thin and tear after the first few times of PIV, but sometimes the hymen is thick and doesn’t tear, meaning it just expands. Hymens are expandable, which is why your partner is able to be inside of you, but the stretch might be what’s painful for you. It takes a lot longer to get used to it, and the entrance is where the pain is located (if I’m correct and understood your post?), and I absolutely recommend getting some dilators or a dildo! You can use them when you’re away from your boyfriend, and soon enough it’ll be easier and PIV won’t hurt as much/be painless. I might be completely off track here though, I’m definitely not a medical professional, simply speaking from personal experience. Good luck!!
Maybe it could be vaginism. You ahould talk to your gyn about it.