I might be too insecure for a relationship. Idk if I can handle it. I think I low key love this dude I’ve been seeing for going on two months. I’m not gunna say that though. He takes huge breaks in between text communication throughout the day. It makes me insecure as hell and I feel totally fine and happy until it happens. It makes me want to give up. I feel like he doesn’t care about me or something to assure me that he wants to talk to me. I don’t need constant communication but I’m not used to this. It sucks. In person things are good but I’m a single mom and can’t see him all the time. He’s the first and only guy I’ve liked in over two years. Should I let him go? I really don’t want to. I feel like I see a future with him but idk if I’m healed enough to be okay with certain things and be my best version for him. What would you do?
27 comments
Let him know that you would like a “signing off” text when he is about to become incommunicado
> He takes huge breaks in between text communication throughout the day.
Throughout the day? There are people out there who don’t even text at all. For real, he has things to do and you just need to accept that he can’t be consistently at your disposal. As long as he’s taking the time to reply instead of being avoidant, you should be happy.
Does he not text because he’s at work?
No, it’s not a dealbreaker, but the fact you’re asking if it is might be. I find it infuriating when someone only wants to text. CALL HIM! Use your voice!
My partner and I don’t text at all throughout the day. Not texting for periods of the day is normal. I think you need ot let him know it’s an issue for you, but you need to be responsible for fixing it. If he’s assuring you all is well, then you cannot accept the conclusion that his lack of texting is your failure. It’s not, there’s no reason why your worth or your relationship status would be reliant on something as lame as a text.
Personally I think you may be expecting too much out of daily communication. I’m fairly insecure myself and I did have to talk to my partner about getting better at responding to my messages, but we’re talking getting him for respond every few days or so instead of once a week or less.
Aaaand some people are co-dependent enough they have to be on the phone with each other every day for 3 hours like my former roommate.
At the end of the day, you need to sit down and talk about your communication expectations. Do you expect him to respond to direct questions in a timely manner, say ASAP or 24 hrs depending on the content? Does he feel burdened by the barrage of messages? Some people find responding to too many messages overwhelming or they may feel you are checking up on them because you don’t trust them. If you truly need reassurance is it something where they can just send a daily good morning text without an expectation for an hours long conversation.
Your relationship is fairly new but you have to extend some trust to tour guy and give the relationship time to breathe. Too much too fast and you may smother it.
My limit is like 4 days – a week with nothing. I think you need to cut him a little slack.
A lot of people have jobs, school, chores and other obligations to attend to throughout the day. It’s pretty normal to not be able to text all-day. It only becomes a concern if he takes a day or longer to respond.
So I understand people are busy but it was kind of annoying when I was dating someone to get one text every 14-18 hours and it would just be like 3 words.
Do you wait for him to text you first? Text him first yourself sometimes. My bf used to text me first for the first month when we were still barely getting to know each other. Now we both take turns hitting each other up on text. Maybe he’s waiting for you to text him first? Try it! Well, maybe try calling him. Show him how much communication you need by telling him or by texting him.
Not all jobs let people be on their phones all day. I’ve worked entire 12-hr shifts without any chance to look at my personal phone. I also travel to remote job sites sometimes where we are 2-3 hours away from cell service. Just something to consider…
He is the only one showing you any attention so i get how you feel…stuck home no where to go with the kids…constant craving a man….and hes the only one on offer, sucks hey how you have to wait 8 hrs for a message, you fire one back then need to wait till the next morning…sucks big time hey?
Hes not good at it hey? id jump back on them dating sites all 23 of them, surly theres someone out there that will reply within 30 seconds every time no matter how busy or what there there doing even if there mum drops dead and all sort of things…
How often is he texting? You say you don’t need constant communication but then he takes breaks throughout the day which tells me you aren’t happy unless he texts you all the time during every day. I don’t think it’s fair to even ask someone to text every single day multiple times. I think you are a bit needier than you realize? It’s fine really but yeah maybe you need to heal a bit more
Me but I’m the opposite. I’m genuinely busy at my job and need to concentrate and could not handle having a man wanting me to respond to his texts in a timely manner. It’s not going to happen; I have patients to see back to back. I don’t have the time nor desire for that sort of a digital leash and yes, that’s how I view it. You need to find someone who doesn’t view it that way and who communicates like you do. Guys are out there who do. I know because I’ve dropped them for it.
I guess i would look at it from communicating point in general.. not just limited to text.
I dont know. Im old..just seems like simply talking on the phone or in person should be a standard.
The wife and I lasted 20+ plus years because of communication…
At the end of the day…without communication its not going to work.
Yes. I broke up with a guy because his texts were just so dry and slow and he was out of state, so it was the only way for us to really keep in touch. He was really nice, mature, and he looked great (literally used to be a model). He even reached out to me again recently and I lied to him and said I was seeing someone even though I’m not just because I knew for a fact I didn’t want to “talk” to him through text anymore because he was boring. If he’s older (mid 30s) and has been in a long term relationship since his early twenties or something he might have just skipped through the part where we got socialized to “date” through text. I think that was the case with my guy. He was recently divorced and I think the age gap was just too big for us to click.
Ha, guess their texting skills were on a 14-18 hour cooldown too! 😅
Ummmy my bf and I would try to send good morning/ good night texts. Sometimes we would forget or we’d respond at noon. Ppl get busy.
I think it really depends on the situation.
If he has a busy job, and texts only 2-3 times per day, personally, it’s not a problem.
But not texting at all for 1 or more days, it becomes an issue.
Also, analyze how he acts with other people. When you are together, is he always on his phone? Does he respond to other people faster?
Maybe he is just a lazy texter?
Sure, if he’s not giving you what you need in a relationship then you don’t have to be with someone, find someone that suits your needs.
Personally it’s not a deal breaker for me, the day goes past so quickly, there’s not enough time to do important things, never mind the mundane text communication in between
Obviously why would I want to date someone that’s clearly not interested
Absolutely. As a Gemini or just my personality type, communication is a big deal to me. If I don’t feel we’re communicating or constantly having communication issues, I will feel detached from the person.
I have dated women who were a lot of fun in person and lovely human beings, but they were horrible at texting. This being the Information Age and me being online constantly from my work to entertainment, I communicate the most online when not in person.
This is personal preference, but that’s where I find compatibility through communication when we are not physically together. My current gf and I message each other all throughout the day constantly sharing cute animal videos, travel destinations, and interesting restaurants/shops. Texting is not just a form of quick information bites. It’s part of the relationship’s communication. We do video chats and calls too, but mostly we’re texting each other.
Sometimes I won’t get back to her for a few hours due to work/life and vice-versa, but I always look forward to opening her messages and when I do I engage with them. If she’s working out doing an activity where she isn’t looking at her phone, then she might not text back for a bit, but when she does, she engages with my messages. I think consistently going days is a problem or someone who gets back to me with a short response.
So, for someone who isn’t keeping the flow of communication going, that’s not to say that person is a bad person or whatever. They just aren’t compatible with me. I thrive on communication. If it’s lacking, then that connection is going to be lacking.
Well firstly I’ll say you are only as needy as your unmet needs.
Second, look into attachment theory because it seems you have insecure preoccupied attachment. There are many online resources for this as well as books. Look into how to help you cope with your anxiety.
Therapy over dates
It takes 30 seconds to text. Let him go. Don’t waste your time.
Therapy honey.
Well, Kevin, it seems like you’re in a bit of a pickle. But hey, have you considered carrier pigeons? They never take breaks, and they also make charming conversation starters. Just a thought!