I (27F) lied to my girlfriend (27F) about my past. There is this friend (33M) in my close group of friends who I hooked up with almost a year ago. It was just sex. Nothing romantic. Today I consider him my brother. We do have lots of affection for each other, as we have been there for each other many times and been each other’s support system. However, none of us has ever considered a relationship, we are just not into each other in that way.
Anyways, I told her that we had slept together in the past, but out of fear that she would think it was too fresh I made the decision to tell her that was years ago, and not last year. She then discovered a few more details about this relationship and started questioning my version. Then one day under her pressure I confessed all the truth. She accused me of lying to her face without any good reason, and I simply said I was afraid of losing her.
I feel so bad as I promised never to do something like this to her and I failed that promise, but at the same time this is something that belongs in the past and I know it would never represent a danger to my present relationship. We have only been dating for 5 months but I could already tell I was starting to fall in love with her. But then I did this to screw it all.
I want to make things right and fight for a chance with her, but she’s acting very radical and it is making me very sad and anxious. However, I’m letting her have the space to consider things and I have already apologized profusely for my actions.
What else would you do in my place? Is there anything else I can do to get her back? I really regret all of this.
Thank you.
TL,DR. I lied to my girlfriend about some details of my relationship with a very good friend who was a hookup in the past. I lied to her face and she confronted later with evidence. She has said now she can’t trust me. It frustrates me because in no way this affects my relationship with her, but I also get her side and would be very hurt in her shoes.
13 comments
You lied. To her face. At this point, all you can do is pray that she can forgive you and be prepared to accept that she can’t.
> It frustrates me because in no way this affects my relationship with her,
When you lie to someone and they catch you in it, that most definitely affects your relationship.
If you have made it clear that you’re sorry and you regret what you did, and you’ve explained what motivated it as best as you could… that’s about all you can do. Next move is hers.
Ironic that you lied to avoid losing her and now that lie has placed you in exactly that position.
There’s the lie; the confession under pressure. There’s the fact that it *is* fresh in that it happened recently; she may be thinking if it could happen before, it could happen again, especially since you’re still close and have history. It may be uncomfortable for her to hang out with someone she knows you were intimate with. People have different boundaries about these things. There’s no magic words or deeds that are going to make her forgive and forget. She has to come to that place on her own if she can.
Personally a lie like this would be a deal breaker for me. Especially if it was discussed and you had the opportunity to be honest.
Your healthy relationship died when you willingly lied to her face. That behavior is unacceptable, and it’s only up to your girlfriend whether or not she wants to forgive you. It doesn’t matter what you’ve lied about. It’s the simple fact that you lied. Her trust is broken now, and any time you try to tell her anything she won’t be able to fully trust you because she knows you’ve lied to her face before. You have no right to be upset at her for how she’s taking this, you need to be the one who is sorry and NEVER do that again.
I would end a relationship over this.
She didn’t accuse you of lying. You lied and she found out. 😂 Leave that woman alone and work on yourself kid.
It’s better to be honest about these kind of things….. you’ve learned your lesson I think now?
>I want to make things right and fight for a chance with her, but she’s acting very radical
Holding you accountable for your dishonest behavior is a radical approach to you? Big yikes.
You thought there wouldn’t be consequences for lying to her face?
It’s not just the 1 lie…its every day that has occurred between you telling the initial lie and her finding out the truth. You continued with the lie and had no intention of owning up to it, THAT is the issue she’s having. Everyday you lied to her face…..
You detonated her trust in you. What else are you lying about?
>Today I consider him my brother
🎶 Sweet home alabama 🎶
From your timeline, you hooked up with him very shortly before you got together with the gf. Yeah, I would be skeptical in her shoes too lol. This evasiveness over the subject gives big “I’ll cheat” vibes, despite what you’re saying.