I feel like it is pretty uncommon for a woman my age to be a virgin. The thing is during highschool, I struggled to feel sexual attraction towards both boys and girls and I never really questionned it so it stayed until I was 20.
I now feel sexual and emotional attraction towards men, and sexual attraction towards some women so I’d say I am straight or bi-curious or whatever.
The thing is there is a lot of casual sex going on in my uni and even though I thought I could get into it (I’ve had opportunities, but it just felt blend or I couldn’t get into it unless I was a bit intoxicated).
So basically I guess I’m the type to need to know and like someone before having sex with them, and the worse is that I feel horny a lot of the time.
So lately, I’ve had some dates and shit and I always hesitates before mentioning that I haven’t had sex yet because :
1) I know some guys fantasizes about deflowering women and I fucking hate it
2) One guy I liked started to talk to me as if I was an innocent and naive bitch after I told him, fucking hated it too
3) I don’t wanna seem weird or like something is wrong with me

So if someone (men, women and anyone in between) could answer my question in the title, I would greately appreciate it. I am also open to any kind of sincere advice, thanks 🤧

34 comments

  1. Unless youre morbidly obese they likely will not mind in any way.

  3. As a guy. There are a few ways a guy can take the news, which may unfortunately confirm your worries.

    Some might think you’re weird, they may think there must be a reason that you’re still a virgin personality wise.

    Some will fantasize about deflowering you. Some guys will live their lives never being a woman’s first time and that fact kind of hurts, so the idea that there is still a chance for such an experience happening has its appeals to guys regardless of whether they are someone who collects virginities like merit badges or if it is their first time too.

    I’m not really sure how to give advice on how to handle it beyond: don’t make it a big part of who you are, you clearly treat sex as part of a bigger whole that is the relationship which is pretty good. And when the relationship does come around to it, save it for a guy who won’t virgin shame you and who treats being your first as a honor rather than a fantasy fulfillment.

    This advice might also be complete shite

  5. I wouldn’t care. I’m a 37 yr old Male virgin. I would never judge or think differently about an older women that was a virgin. I would hope I’d get the same courtesy.

  6. I just didn’t mention it to the guy I lost my virginity to when I was 22. Also didn’t want to deal with the potential fallout from mentioning it.

  8. As far being an almost 30 year old now that was the last of my friends to lose my virginity. It is not something anyone ever talks about. Losing mine was a special thing for me and I was glad that I waited. The memories are a lot more meaningful than doing it for the first time. If you want to be special then be reserved about who you give it to. If you are ready to get it over with, no reason to mention anything to anyone, just go out there and let it happen.

  9. Unpopular opinion, and not from a religious perspective. Wait until you’re ready to have a marriage/kids to include others. Until then, tech is amazing these days if you have needs.

  11. A of all there is nothing wrong with you, you can have sex or not have sex and that doesn’t change your value as a person. I wouldn’t shy away from mentioning it early so that you can weed out the dudes who get all weird about it. If you get the ick from somebody listen to your gut. Also be clear that you’re not *saving yourself* or something like that, it’s important to maintain your boundaries and expectations though. Also don’t feel too bad about missing out in your teens and early twenties.

  12. A little over 12% of women 20-24 are virgins. It’s happening more and more. Male virgins of the same age like to act like victims. But, it’s hitting young people, in general.

  13. I personally would prefer a 33 year old queen who’s a single mother and has hooked up with 60 guys and is now ready to settle down

  14. Im much older, but back in the day I would. Id have questions though.

    I mean, I guess I would now too, but Id have more questions lol. 22 isnt a big thing.

  16. It’s more so how comfortable you will be dating someone who will have more partners than you. As a guy, I wouldn’t really care less 🤷 though will say, if you ever have the chance to do it with someone that you want to, don’t second guess and just do it. Else, you’ll probably regret it :/

  17. Well, I think the biggest, or most important thing is knowledge. I was 20 and I hadn’t had sex yet with a man (and I didn’t really know what was considered sex with a woman but I didn’t really count it) until I met my now-fiancé. I attempted intercourse once prior but it didn’t work with a friend of mine, and then I met my now-fiancé. He had had sex twice prior with a heavily pregnant woman and it wasn’t great, from what he told me. Lol But he let me take the lead our first time and that was really helpful.

    BUT the best part of it all was that I set boundaries immediately BECAUSE I was knowledgeable and firm in my words. I knew that I wasn’t into anything “weird” or extreme. I knew what I was NOT comfortable with, AND also what I AM comfortable with.

    I was comfortable taking charging and speaking up if I became uncomfortable and needed to stop, and I wasn’t embarrassed of my body, and I knew how awkward sex is — how uncomfortable things can get. I also know how big safety is for me and that is a non-negotiable— condoms and sometimes condoms combined with pulling out, and birth control AND — this is the big one — getting STD/STI tested.

    Don’t let ANYONE try to pull a quick one on you and say shit about blue balls or how he’ll go soft with a condom. Because some men will try to do that solely because they assume you’re naive and a pushover because you don’t have any experience.

    Knowledge is power.

    Some others might think you’re religious too, but it honestly sounds like you’re just demisexual.

  18. I lost mine when I was 22. It was my first relationship ever and I told him right on a first date. He didn’t act weird or something, he took it like I know what I want and pick carefully who to trust, and felt kinda honored that I trust him so much to be my first sexual experience, but really he was okay with it.

    I guess it really different from guy to guy, but the good ones still exist

  21. I feel like virginity is where the Western and non-Western cultures have the starkest differences in attitude. Absolutely nowhere in the latter will you be seen as a weirdo for being a virgin in your 20s. At the very least, it’s seen as being prudent with your choices. I know plenty of cultures oppress women on their sexual freedom and that’s wrong, but being weirded out by virgins is on the other end of the spectrum, I feel.

  22. Nothing is wrong with you. Take your time, and give yourself to someone you truly love and who accepts you for who you are. Simple as that. I myself prefer girls with little to no experience as learning together is the best part (for me imo) so you are blessed with a choice many others do not. Sexual experience doesn’t matter with the right person, so just date to find that person.

    I wish you luck in your endeavors.

  23. This questions gets asked once everyday I feel like. How many 20+ year old virgins we got in this sub

  24. Personal it would put me on my best behavior because chances are she would already have the assumption that sex is all that’s on my mind. I do my best to be a gentleman regardless but in this case fear and anticipation will already create a sense of tension only anxiety could relate to.

    I wouldn’t show any interest in it whatsoever. This is why it’s best to have zero expectations in the dating world to beginning with. With that said you should also do yourself a favor and not stress out on the topic. If you ever do end up losing it you don’t want it to be something that was prioritized, you want it to be a moment that you wholeheartedly agreed to go through. So just go out there with the sole purpose of just meeting people first.

    We have the tendency to make sex a bigger deal than then it really is because our emotions towards it are higher than the actual experience itself. It’s different for everyone, some relate some disagree. What matters is how you feel about it when it happens but don’t make it a highlight. Cause once you lose it, you’ll come to realize you spend a lot of time contemplating it more than you would’ve wanted to.

  27. Don’t worry, you’re a rare Pokémon! They’ll be lining up for your V-card.

  28. Same boat as you, but I am the opposite gender, personally it wouldn’t make a difference to me, it happens when it happens.

  29. That’s how you know it’s not it. I had to get drunk to even kiss a girl. I could never do that sober until the right person came along. If I wasn’t drunk I couldn’t get myself to do it. I left most of the time lol. You will know when it feels right, don’t worry

  30. Coming from someone who did this, (I was 25 she was 22) and I didn’t even intend to do it bc of this but realized it after the fact tbh – pretty much, I got to train her exactly to my liking sexually 😅

    Again I didn’t really intend to do this but about 2 years in the lightbulb turned in about 20 minutes in one night and it hit me exactly why I liked it so much 🤷‍♂️

  32. I think there are going to be some great guys who are also virgins your age who will feel relieved to lose their virginity with someone else and not be in a place where they feel judged.

  33. In answer the question in the title, whilst I do not expect a girl to be a virgin… I would rather date a virgin than a girl who’s been with a football team worth of men per year.

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