I’m 28 (M)
She’s 26 (F)
So we’ve been dating for about a bit and decided to make it official! She’s great and I’m glad we can but right after I asked her to officially by my girlfriend
But today the same day, after we celebrated and laughed and smiled she asked me a question that took me by surprised she said
“I really like you, I’m glad we’re official and I want this to actually work out for a long term so I think need to have this talk as we start this on the right foot…as your girlfriend what are your expectations, Desires & requirements? I can’t promise I’ll ever match then but if we know why we want and expect from each other it’ll help us be on the same page and never feel disappointed”
The question was pretty analytical and I wanted to think about it a bit. She also asked
“We both work ALOT, and we’ve made it work so far but how often do you think we should physically be around each other for you to feel secure and satisfied”…I know a lot of relationships fail bc work centered people never see each other. If we can make a standard right off the bat to see each other at least 2 times a week (more or less) we can always be in a good place
Never had anyone ask me these questions, but she had a point …if we keep everything upfront in our goals, expectations and relationship maintenance, it’ll keep things smooth in the future
Is this kinda weird tho?
43 comments
One day you’re answering a few simple questions the next day you’re in a publicized defamation case broadcast all around the world.
It’s only “weird” because it’s healthy and we don’t get enough examples of what a truly healthy relationship and communication looks like.
Being able to have boundary setting and expectation setting conversations without getting emotional is extremely useful.
This would only be an issue if you felt like you couldn’t share your feelings on a topic with her.
I could see career focused people trying to make their relationships work like a project.
Have some fun with it? Include some user expectations, a project charter, and be clear in your scope so there isn’t any scope creep!
Just be careful when she starts saying she needs more…resources..and..headcount..
honestly this is something i would do too if i really saw a future with the person and wanted to make it work. so not weird to me but i’m biased
Her communications is on point 👌🏻 I feel if she didn’t have so many follow ups like a paragraph long, and you’re able to respond maybe it would’ve felt more natural? This how you know she’s in it for the long game
It’s not weird at all, and in fact, it’s something that I wish I had done in my last relationship. Not seeing each other can negatively impact your relationship for SURE. It’s not how we *want* to be, but quite often the old adage of “out of sight, out of mind” rings true.
What I hear from this is that she is incredibly emotionally mature, is a good communicator and wants to proactively address things that may cause tension in your relationship down the line. I think you’ve found a winner, my friend!
This is actually incredibly mature of her. Perhaps a bit early, but honesty and communication are two of the most important parts of a healthy relationship.
Seems pretty normal for people who’ve been through enough to know to ask those questions. It sounds like she’s mature and has some expectations herself that she wants to make sure are understood.
Not weird at all! It’s all about communication. You can’t read each other’s minds.
Not weird at all. That is some good communication skills right there and it sound like you have a healthy minded person by your side. Well done.
She’s a keeper
I would be thrilled if someone put this much thought and care into the relationship. I think your gf is very smart and level headed. I love she’s career driven but still wants to make time for you. That’s all everyone really wants. If someone said they would make time to hang out with me twice a week I would probably melt on the spot. Dang I might have a crush on your gf. Don’t worry I’m (mostly) straight Female 🤣. For real tho hold on to her. And no it’s not weird. It’s Mature and healthy.
Edit : spelling
This is called adult communication lol. Most people just aren’t used to it. Sounds like she knows what she wants out of this, which is good. Once you get past a certain age, you base things more off of reality than just emotions and feelings.
And honestly, relationships/marriages do kinda run like a business. People hate to hear it, but without putting in the work to maintain them they won’t last. You do have to plan things out like finances, goals, expectations, etc.
I am that woman. I like to ask during non sexy times to check in with the other person. Insert a question… and we talk it through. Like how they’re doing!
Not weird at all and wish I would’ve had this conversation with my last partner! We both ended up having totally different needs as far as how much face time we needed from each other and it effected things more and more as time went on.
It’s a bit.. formal, but this kind of blunt communication, setting of expectations, etc is very *very* vital to a healthy and long lasting relationship. Sounds like she really really cares and wants it to work
Not weird, her communication skills are really fantastic!
This woman has a good head on her shoulders
She sounds awesome. A person who communicates and acts like an adult is great in my book! Screw this messing around with guessing what’s on a person’s mind and getting upset that we couldn’t read each other’s mind.
It’s not weird in a bad way. I think it’s great and wish more people asked these types of questions. Healthy communication is unfortunately not common these days.
Man these conversations are so important to have. I made sure to establish this kind of communication early with my current girl and she had the same mindset as me. It helps a lot. The analytical, matter of fact tone of the conversation can seem off putting at first but it’s necessary and you’ll get used to it. Doing this lays down the foundation to a healthy relationship. Communication your wants, needs, boundaries, expectations, etc. Don’t leave your partner in the dark to guess.
She is very very cute. I loved that she asked you these questions.
Jesus, you found a keeper. Maybe not for you to keep, but that’s long-term relationship material right there.
After failed divorces (theirs, not mine), some of the best advice my parents have given me is that marriage is, really, a business agreement. Never get married to someone who you would not trust as a business partner when starting up a new business.
Please let me know if she’s above your grade – I’d gladly give her a chance.
Think this is a good thing. It’s not so much weird but just different than what you’re used to and what you see. As another commenter said this is pretty healthy actually.
It’s all good until she puts you on a PIP. You are getting qualified and she wants to make sure your expectations don’t get in the way of her ambitions. I’d be wary of someone who instantly reduced and limited the dynamic so fast.
Not weird at all! I wish more people did this, good on her for excellent upfront communication
No not at all
I don’t think it’s unhealthy at all. I also think asking someone I was serious about what their debt was like or school loans is important too. No one talks about money either for whatever reason but as time goes on it’s important to know if someone has absolutely crap credit that they can’t buy a house or a vehicle and they want me to co-sign or something.
As time goes on and people get married, you’ll find a relationship is like a contract and it’s important to discuss these things. To me it just sounds like she really likes you and doesn’t want to second guess anything long term. It’s also good to check in periodically and ask “are we doing okay?”
Green flag! She cares about what you want in the relationship! Most people let these things fall where they may. She sounds like she has a good head on her shoulders
This is the dream lol.
This should be standard procedure at the beginning of any relationship. I know it seems analytical and not entirely organic, but that’s not a bad thing. She’s asking relevant questions that needs to be asked and these questions are often left unanswered and tend to be the source of much consternation in relationships down the line.
It is the exact f*** opposite of weird my friend….
This girl gives a shit and can communicate it. Level up to her, or prepare to get dumped. I’m sure you’re a great person, you came here asking a great question…but I’m personally tired of men who are stunned by simple, maturity.
Anyways—-She wants this to be mutually beneficial….she could have just ignored needs and used you for what she wants/like in you, but she’s not. She’s willing to risk losing everything she loves about you right now….if it’s not going to by symbiotic. This is huge and selfless.
What you must do now…is thank her for her inquisitive thoughts, ANSWER honestly…and send it back- and what are you looking for, dear? Her mind will be fucking blown because 99% of men, will avoid these q’s or answer and fail to throw the frisbee back…because they don’t see the value in a deeper connection.
Why do u care if it’s weird she’ just seems like a real go getter
Dude follow her lead. Sounds like she’s setting you guys up for a long lasting HEALTHY relationship grounded in honesty and effective communication.
Sounds wonderful. If a potential partner asked me that, I’d pull out a big piece of paper and markers and stuff and have us make a board lol
Um, that’s called having an adult conversation about boundaries and expectations. It’s only weird because so few people are capable of having that conversation.
This is super healthy! I feel like I had many conversations like this with my (now) husband about our expectations, wants and needs out of life before we decided to spend our lives together. It’s necessary and awesome that she’s mature enough to take that step with you. In a relationship you should always have these convos!
It’s not weird, it’s healthy af. She just seems very detail oriented. I’ve had a range of those conversations to varying degrees when going steady/exclusive.
My fiancé and I have had a lot of similar conversation and actually did discuss how often we wanted to aim to see one another when we started dating. We have been living together a year and a half and are engaged and planning a wedding, so I’d say that the open and healthy communication is beneficial for relationships!
This is really good straight forward communication.
You sir, have found a unicorn
If you think this is weird and you don’t want her send her my way 😂 this is awesome! I’d say you have potential wife material on your hands. Good for you!
This is an insanely green flag, that you’re dating a mature, future oriented person. Assuming you want a relationship with her and not something casual, this is a really good sign.