I got a crush on this girl but she’s in a relationship so it’s just off the table. I’ve liked her for 8-ish months and I just wanna move on but it feels like I can’t. I don’t look at her social and barely see her. Hell, I try to avoid her in the hopes of “Out of sight, out of mind.” but nothing seems to work and next time she pops around a corner it’s all the same. I just wanna look at her and feel nothing.

46 comments
  1. Keep reminding yourself she’s in a relationship

    And you can find someone who you connect with or hotter tbh

    You got this bro

  2. This might sound crazy but you’ll have to wait until you see her exit a bathroom after she takes a wicked dump. You then force yourself in there and chill in the stench like a sauna. After about 10 mins when you finally exit you’ll never think about her the same way again.

  3. You only care because you haven’t given yourself the chance to get to know others.

  4. Been there recently. Tell her how you feel and that you need to stop talking to her because of it. Restart contact when you’re ready.
    For me it worked out, as she saw me in a different way 6 months later, and we’re dating now.
    Make sure you let her know this is the only way you can keep her in your life without pressuring her with your negative background emotions.

  5. It’s a mix of time heals all wounds and go find some meaning out if life. Also, try talking to other girls who are actually available to you. If you can find ladies who appreciate your company, then you will care less about this one girl. Sounds like you need to branch out a little? All at your own pace.

  6. Move on. Finding a new infatuation will lead you to forgetting this infatuation.

    As a side bar, it’s usually not a goo idea to fixate on one woman like this.

  7. Try and actually interact with her socially a few times. Really get exposed to her socially, and focus on every annoying thing you don’t like about her. Visually, personality, whatever. If you really can’t find anything to be annoyed about, i don’t know what to tell you. Be more annoyed at trivial things. Works great for me. I can sabotage any relationship I’m in.

  8. Been there done that, it was very painful and I lost a close friendship over it. Benefit of hindsight, and I would’ve handled it very differently.

    Just remember that she doesn’t feel the same way about you, so your infatuation with her isn’t going to be reciprocated. You’re far better off finding someone who will feel the same way about you, but in the meantime you need to distract yourself from her through hobbies, friends, family etc.

  9. Stay busy get a hobby and work on improving yourself, distraction is the key. You might always feel for her but someone else will come along you will like more.

  10. Well for one if you are thinking a negative “I want to forget her/I don’t want to remember her” it’s the contrary effect.
    Change your inner monologue to look out for the good in other people, actually pay attention to small details and try and get to know someone (could be someone you already know) and invest time with them, it’s going to make you more present state.
    And it’s time, for anyone is different

  11. I used to be like you when I was a kid. I would develop an intense crush on a cute girl in class and sort of act weird about her. You immediately mention relationship but you don’t seem to even be comfortable talking to her.

    I would suggest that you play past the fear and anxiety. Just talk to her like she is anyone else. Get to know her in a completely platonic context. Don’t treat her any differently than you would any other girl.

    You probably won’t get anywhere with her. But, it will be a valuable experience for you. At the very least you will be developing skills that will help you in the future. The most important lesson you can learn is that pretty girls are just people. Just like anyone else. Once you get comfortable talking to pretty girls it gets easier.

  12. Find a girlfriend or two .
    Or find a hobby they are about the same you have too much free time.

  13. Well, Kevin, it seems you’ve got a crush that won’t quit! Maybe you should try reverse psychology and start liking her even more. Good luck!

  14. For me, focusing thoughts on faults always worked.

    I found if I had a crush it was because I was fantasizing about things being perfect, would make an ideal version of her where I ignored the faults/red flags (even huge ones). I would internally set expectations based on this ridiculous version of them, and when things didn’t go as I had “planned” it would tear me up, distract me, etc.

    When I brought it back to reality but forcing myself to remember that this person wasn’t perfect, I realized I wasn’t actually all that interested in them.

    Honestly, this is also how I knew my wife was the right one. This didn’t work for her. I was that interested, and things went better than I could have hoped.

    If that doesn’t help, sorry.

  15. Honestly, time is the only thing that will fix it.

    The next best thing you can is find someone new to have a crush on

  16. Thos is going to be rough, but now pock EVERYTHING they do. Find the most innane, bullshit thing that might be slightly annoying, and focus on that. Associate the annoying habit or whatever with that individual. Soon enough, you will pick up on other things, and you’ll be over it.

  17. I just get away from everything that remembers me that person. After passed some time I realize that I no longer care about it so much. Time heals everything

  18. It’s natural to like someone if they are the kind of person you like. You can’t make an exception for this one girl just because you can’t take a shot.

    Liking her isn’t the problem. By all accounts, meeting someone like her is a good thing for your life. It’s better to be surrounded by people we like than people we hate.

    Not being able to have someone you want is the problem. To combat that, you need to enrich your life in other ways. Meet other girls you like and CAN shoot your shot with. Once you realize this girl’s not the only one out there, you won’t be so dead-set on her and you’ll be able to appreciate her in the capacity that you do know her in.

    Unfortunately it’s not something you can really figure out intellectually. Your brain won’t stop these negative emotions unless you teach it with real-life data, i.e. meeting and socializing with other women.

  19. Avoid her like the plague. Find someone else to distract you , if you can. Keep avoiding her.

  20. *”How do I stop liking someone?”*

    Time and not being around her.

  21. I usually got over my crushes by asking them about social issues I’m really passionate about. Most of the time because I was surrounded by rich kids they didn’t care about anything of the sort, so my brain went “this person is lazy/ignorant” and I started to find them annoying. And I got over them

  22. I read this guys idea once that said to write down your feelings and thoughts for her on paper then fold that paper into a boat, place it in a river or stream and drop a lit match in it as it floats away. Imagine those thoughts and feelings drifting away, never gone but no longer clouding your heart.

  23. Take this with a grain of salt but I think you are romanticizing who you want her to be instead of who she really is. How to solve this problem? I honestly don’t know. If dating them is off the table I would suggest you just try to meet more people and take it slow with them.

  24. There’s this switch. It’s right between your balls and your anus… Push firmly.

  25. This is called attachment trap! Thinking about someone doesn’t mean you like or love her. Love requires work and growing, attachment is just being stuck in the loop and reliving the past.

    I used to be stuck with my first love for 8 years, looking back I was in love with the idea of him, not the real him.

    How to get out of the attachment trap? Learn to love yourself, put the time, the discipline to really work on yourself – physically, mentally, financially, socially.

  26. You don’t. The attraction’s going to be there whether you like it or not.

    What you also don’t do, however, is try to hold out in the hopes that she’ll suddenly be single. Yeah, there’s the extremely slim possibility that she leaves the other guy, and the even slimmer possibility that she considers you a viable partner following this, but best case scenario that’s going to come with recoloring every interaction you’ve ever had with this person as “Oh, they’ve just been friends with me because they wanted to fuck.” Don’t hold loyalty to a concept that doesn’t even exist yet.

    What you do want to do is find someone who does fit your needs in a partner. Realizing that being single (to start) is one of those needs is important for making this work because it makes the crush easier to ignore. It will be tough, but in time you’ll find someone with similar qualities to the ones you’re attracted to in this person, but they’ll actually be available.

    Regardless, it’s your decisions that determine your quality as a person, not your attactions. Don’t hate yourself just because you find someone attractive.

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