So I M18 and my gf F18 were outside in front of her house, we are currently going through something that we don’t how to get around and we she said it would be better for us to break up. I started to cry and walk away as i would about to leave but i started to break down. We have been dating for about a year and a few months.
When i started to break down my gf came to comfort me i tried to back up and started nodding my head and trying to get my words out under me crying but i couldn’t. She tried to gave me a hug and i slightly pushed her away. And she became hurt i apologized right after.
We got on the phone later that night and talked about it. she was crying saying she had felt scared and unsafe, idk what to do, i feel as if i ruined everything. i started to throw up thinking i made her be scared of me. Idk what to do. I’ve apologized multiple times but i can’t forgive my self.
TLDR I slightly pushed my gf when she tried to comfort me when i was crying what should i do.
6 comments
> And she became hurt
What happened?
Did you merely break contact or did you knock her on butt?
* Its completely appropriate to use your hands to gently break physical contact you don’t want or prevent it by creating a barrier *while* you are also physically stepping away from her at the same time. The result is you moving away and her basically standing in the same spot.
* It is not appropriate to shove her hard enough to make her stagger backwards or even fall on the ground. And if you followed through by stepping towards her that would be a very aggressive and probably qualify as assault on some level.
I believe her feelings was hurt more then the physical push. You were upset which is understandable and I’m sure you didn’t mean to push her while she was comforting you. But I agree, you’ve apologized enough and if she still feel threatened then, you’ve done all you could. As advised, move on and block her on your socials so you can heal from the break up. It’s hard now, but you got this.
If it was just enough force for her to stumble back and keep her from touching you, you did nothing wrong. No one is entitled to physical contact with you.
It is one thing to assume you have consent to hug your SO. That’s obviously generally accepted, but you weren’t together anymore. Not wanting to be touched by someone who just broke up with you is a pretty reasonable boundary.
Now, if you lost control and shoved her out of anger because you wanted to hurt her after the breakup, that’s shitty. Only you really know what was going on in your head and if it was a problem, but my advice is to be honest with yourself. You know, deep down, if you were just getting away from unwanted physical contact or trying to hurt someone.
Listen, you didn’t shove her, you nudged her back. There was nothing to be sorry for.
Honestly, she sounds like she feels bad for upsetting you, she can’t deal with the hurt she caused and doesn’t want to be the “bad guy” in this narrative so she’s flipping the script on you and using you dismissing her attempt at physical contact/comfort as the means to make HER a victim.
There is a massive difference in rejecting contact vs. aggressive behavior that warrants caution and fear. This does not sound AT ALL like the latter.
Maybe she was genuinely scared or triggered by this because of something she’s been through in the past. In that case, she shouldn’t go around touching people no matter the circumstances without asking for consent first. And most people who have something like that in their past don’t.
Stay broken up.
Wth. Of course you don’t want a hug from her when she breaks your heart. I think she’s overreacting. You two need time apart before you talk again.