My husband randomly brought up how he wish he had dated more before getting married. We’ve been together for a long time so I guess I understand..? I’ve never wanted to be with anyone else other than him. He’s absolutely amazing in my eyes.
We had a healthy sex life but he recently hasn’t been feeling like doing the deed. I respect and understand that. I’ve had moments where I’m not in the mood either. It is worrying me more these days however. He gets angry at me rather quickly, doesn’t allow me to cuddle him for very long, he doesn’t do anything with me and we haven’t had sex in a while. I feel like something is wrong but he keeps saying he’s just in a weird place.
I’ve pushed for counseling and therapy (just incase he’s depressed but he says he isn’t and we don’t need counseling because our marriage is fine) but they’re met with resistance.
Our anniversary is in 3 days, he hasn’t planned anything. He told me he made plans but they won’t work out. Now he’s talking about wishing he had dated more and he wished he had sex with more people too…. I’m getting the feeling our marriage is about to derail and end. I’m trying to keep it on the tracks but I don’t know… I need an outside opinion.
I’m sorry this is so scattered. I’m emotional and exhausted. I’m trying to hard to be a good wife. I stay up all night with our baby so he can sleep. I make him lunches, dinner and sometimes breakfast. I never ask him for anything special, only the basic stuff. I always take care of everything in the house, including our kids and pet. Even with only 2-4 hours of sleep. I even breastfeed so he doesn’t have to worry about making bottles and spending money on bottles… I’ve been barley keeping it together but I’m trying to so he’s happy with us, our marriage, and me… I just have this weird feeling he’s not happy or he’s hiding something…
8 comments
He does not sound like a good husband.
There are times when my mental issues has forced my wife to pick up the slack(and vice versa) but never to the point it’d compromise her health. Which is what your’s is doing by having you barely sleep while he’s fully rested.
When a man turns away from you, and loses interest in intimacy and things that he was previously interested in, that is a big sign that his mind is elsewhere, and on someone else.
I think your instincts that he could be hiding something could be corrrect.
Omg does he think there are women out there who really can’t wait to get the gift of all glorious him and volunteer to allow him to fulfill his “missed out on” sex with multiple people before marriage “glory days”?
He sure is in for a reality check. What a fool. I hope that his fantasy land letdown at least aids in his maturity in some way. Please don’t be there giving him pity when he does realize how good he had it. You deserve better.
OP, I’m sorry to say this but a man turning down sex from his wife and complaining he wished he dated more usually means there is another woman at present that he wished he could date if he wasn’t married and if he didn’t have kids. He will be in for a rude awakening later on but that shouldn’t be your problem anymore. My suggestion is that you go to pre-emptive counselling yourself and start preparing your exit strategy. I wouldn’t be surprised if he already cheated. If he didn’t cheat or hasn’t cheated yet, prepare your exit strategy anyway.
Possibly an emotional affair? Not enough info I guess?
He is acting strangely. Has he had previous issues with your sexual past? I ask because you mention you were his first but you didn’t say the same about him? Does he have insecurity issues about it?
Regrets of not dating more or having more sexual experience before marriage doesn’t mean your marriage is dumed. I have been happy married for 26 years. I love my wife more than anything in this world. We have healthy sex life. She is the only woman I have been with and I do regret not exploring my sexuality when I was young. This has nothing to do with my wife.
I am so sorry, OP. Hugs to you! You sound like a you love him dearly and are also exhausted with a child. I’m sorry to echo, but it does sound like he might be interested in another. Hopefully just in his head, but that is for you to find out.
If I were to suggest what to is likely the smartest, most impactful thing to do it would be to communicate. Maybe write down all your thoughts and what you love about him, your marriage and how y’all fell in love. Tell him you fear his mind is on someone else and be honest. He might be in affair fog or limerence and if so, he’s not in a rational place.
Read on limerence affair/limerence. Read chump lady blog. Read surviving infidelity sub. The common theme is that if he’s too far gone then the only way to truly stop it as the spouse is to stick to your guns and say, “this won’t work for me. We have to separate.” Sounds dreadful and painful and will be, but if he’s in affair fog it seems to be the only wake up call that often sticks.
Rooting for you! Def talk to him. Each day his thoughts or actions could get him closer to another so step in an save your marriage!
Sounds like your husband is having an affair with this woman. It is time to hire a PI and speak to a divorce attorney to find out what a divorce looks like for you, re custody, child support, and alimony. Aks about a post nup with an infidelity clause if he decides to go NC with his AP.