I have a platonic friendship with a married woman, despite our romantic history. Lately, she has been sending me snaps showcasing her body in different outfits. Although our intentions are innocent, it makes me uneasy because I wouldn’t be comfortable if my spouse did the same with another man. Have you encountered a similar situation? I understand she maybe looking for attention and validation but it’s kinda weird that she’s doing this knowing her Husband would not be happy.
4 comments
You’re right, it is seeking attention and validation. It sounds like her need to feel seen and wanted has overruled her want for a platonic friendship. Maybe you see her in a way that respects her, while her husband doesn’t, and its led to some complicated feelings.
I think it should be addressed respectfully. Let her know how you feel about it and that it is crossing boundaries.
Cut ties. Move on.
> I wouldn’t be comfortable if my spouse did
vs.
> she’s doing this knowing her Husband would not be happy
Make sure you’re not projecting here – it is possible that her husband does not mind at all (unless he or she has told you otherwise).
Anyway.
The best way to address this, is to keep it very strictly personal and set a boundary based on your *own* feelings (rather than your assumption about her intentions or your assumption about her husband’s feelings).
You could say: “Hey, You’ve recently sent me some pictures asking my opinions on your outfits. I appreciate that you value my opinion and input on your clothing choices, but it’s left me feeling uncomfortable. I prefer to be less physically focused in our friendship. Please stop stop sending me outfit pictures.”
If she’s your friend, she’ll respect that boundary. If she does not, you can back off.
> Although our intentions are innocent, it makes me uneasy because I wouldn’t be comfortable if my spouse did the same with another man.
Kind of sounds like your intentions are a lot more innocent than hers. Politely let her know that while you’re happy to have her as a friend, the pictures feel like a boundary that you’re uncomfortable with her pushing. Best to nip it in the bud.